Wow, I was in a tailspin last night and free-falling, until my beloved Electrician pulled me back. I had a life before him, I was married for 13 years to the Abusive Alcoholic Dreamer. It was an ugly divorce, and I won’t go into the details, but my kids suffered a bit.
Last night, after uhm…umpteen years, I received an e-mail from my “former sister-in-law“. I haven’t spoken to her, in over 1 1/2 years, since I had to tell her that her brother (former husband) , had committed suicide and the Brown County police had called ME, because he had left my number on his “note”. (And they were looking for my son’s as next of kin).
That was a pretty terrible time in my life, but, the Electrician pulled me through it. I just had not realised how many emotions would come to the surface after getting contacted again, by that part of my life.
It was harmless on her part, and the emotions were all mine. She simply wanted to get in touch with the youngest son as she had some “very important” things to tell him.
You see, my youngest son, is doing time. He thought he was a real life Dillinger and decided to rob 7 banks in 12 days (Yes, he was messed up on drugs BAD). Drugs can do that to you. He is in a Federal Prison, and due to be released later this year. (Yes, he did get out early and dealt with a lot, his Father committing suicide and other stuff, and found his non-learning butt back in Prison).
This boy is 27 years old, and I can honestly say his decisions that he made were bad, and not the way he was raised. It’s taken me a lot of years and the Electrician’s help to realise this.
I guess, I just didn’t realise all of the emotions still inside of me, about the whole thing. I loved the Dreamer for a lot of years, and we even found a place where we could communicate and actually be friends again. It ended, way to soon. That makes me sad.
The Electrician, is my rock and my world. He puts up with me and on another level, he knows what I need, even when I don’t.
I have spent today, in my pajama’s doing absolutely nothing. I have napped, played on the Internet, watched Food Network, and actually mustered up the energy to take a shower, and cook dinner. Ok, let me clarify THAT statement. He cooked Beer in the rear chicken on the grill, and I made some fried potatoes, and asparagus, and garlic toast.
We washed the dishes together, and I did giggle at his statement, “I cooked on the grill, where did all these pans come from?”.
I’ve had a very relaxing, getting back to myself sorta day. There has still been a flurry of e-mails from the ex-s-i-l, but I can handle it better today. I finally managed to get her to be able to e-mail youngest son, and she still hasn’t told me what it’s all about, but ya know what, it’s ok. Because HE is still a member of that side of HIS family.
That was my past, although we will always be connected through “our” children. I’m able to deal with it, through the Electrician’s help. Those are some “dark” memories for me. I always remember someone telling me this statement though “That which doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”
Peeps, I am one strong cookie.