Sidetracked and Smacked!!! A Caregiver’s story….
While I have been living life ( by the seat of my pants) , lately. I have had so many Good days, that I kind of forgot about the bad ones. Things have been so jam-packed full of adventure lately, in other areas of my life, that I have kind of pushed all those PD feelings to the background, and really have not thought about them much.
Can I just say, while others of you are shaking your head, and saying “That’s not a healthy approach to the situation”, it HAD been working for me. Up until today. I’ve been busy folks, between this and that, I haven’t really had time to do things that I normally do. I found a little time out of my day today to realize, Sometimes when I am the happiest, is when I am not focusing on Momma and the PD.
Ok, I said it. Blast me for being an ungrateful daughter, but I have learned some lessons with this thing called Parkinson’s. Momma has it, I don’t. There I said it. I feel guilty when I have so much joy in my life, and then I come back to Momma, because with Momma, there is no joy. Yes, there are certain moments that amount to it, but they are few and far between.
Somewhere along the line, I got so caught up in Momma’s Parkinson‘s, that I forgot to truly enjoy life and all of its Blessings. I was so worried about, how she was feeling, what she is dealing with, has she “pooped” today, does she have a temperature, why is she doing “x, y, z”, is she going to die? That I stopped living for myself, and focused my whole being on her. THAT is not healthy, for me, nor anyone around me.
What I have learned in the last few days (THANK YOU Cam-Man), is life does go on, no matter what. Life doesn’t stop because Momma is having a bad day, I have learned to deal with it, and adjust, whatever I can to make her feel better.
Parkinson’s is a crazy disease, that a bunch of people are affected with. It is different from one person to the next, there is no cure. period. What I Have learned, is we make do with what we have and what we know, and if we don’t know, then we fly by the seat of our pants.
Momma, has actually had some really good days lately. We have new issues that we deal with daily, But ya know what? If I go back to that saying, “God will never give me more than I can handle”, and goodness knows I can lift a semi truck by myself at this time, it’s ok. I’m not on this road alone, I have a BUNCH of peeps at my side, who will help me IF I need it.
Sometimes as Caregivers, we get lost in the giving of care. It is SO important, to remember, YOU are an individual, who is dealing with the “disease” as well, maybe not as intense as the person who has it, but you still give care. I lost myself for a while, but guess what? I’M back……
The road is bumpy and filled with pot holes, you just have to learn how to manuever through them. It is so easy to get caught up with the “drama” and the feelings, but you truly have to look at your own feelings through this journey, and trust me when I say journey, because it is.
I’ve learned so much, and given so much, and received so much. Words could not even begin to describe it. I’ve learned some very hard lessons for me lately. They were a long time in coming, but I’ve learned them. I’ve always told y’all that I was on this journey for a reason, I’m just starting to figure it out.
Today was a very good day, in all aspects of it, and I told the Electrician this, and then went on to say something else, but he cut me off, because he told me, “Quit looking for trouble, accept what you have and go with it, because if you say something silly, it will happen”. He’s right.
I’m sorry but a song just popped in to my head, and call me silly if you want to but it is Doris Day singing ‘Que Serra Serra…”.
Life is good at Camsgranny’s house. I won’t say anymore.
My personal Thank You!
On the urging of my family, I entered a contest. The contest was sponsored by “The Michael J. Foundation” on Facebook, and its main goal was to raise awareness of Parkinson’s Disease.
When I first entered it, I was hoping to get at least 100 votes. I truly want to spread the word of this Disease to people. Some of you have read my post “Something hit me hard”, because I was dealt a hand by Facebook, who rectified the situation.
Can I say, that after getting 627 votes (ok, some of those were from my family), I was totally blown away. By the support, and the people (and a bunch of friends, that let me in on some secrets). It seems to me, that there are a number of people, that I know, who are affected with this Disease in one way or another, that I never knew about.
So, I guess I may have raised some awareness, at least I hope I have helped to let people know, there are many that suffer from this Disease.
Let me also say, that ending the contest as number 10, isn’t shabby either. But the only reason I was able to end up in that spot, was because of all those that voted, sometimes as many times as 6 times in one day.
So from me to you, THANK YOU, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
April is Parkinson’s Awareness Month…..
I may be 6 days late in advising that this month is dedicated to Parkinson’s Awareness. But…better late than never.
I have plans for this month, to try to bring awareness of this disease to my Community, and anyone and everyone that will listen.
I am a Caregiver to my Momma who is in Stage 5 Parkinson’s, I have watched the progression of this disease for about 10 years now. At times, we were never sure what “Stage” Momma was in, We are very clear now, though what stage she is in.
The funniest thing about this disease, is it, does not affect every person the same. There is no manuscript or instruction manual on how to proceed. Most times, we fly by the seat of our pants, especially at this stage.
I have talked with many different people about the disease. Most people, who have never dealt with it, and are under the “assumption” that is just “tremors” of the body. It is so much more than that. Parkinson’s disease is a degenerative disorder with no known cure.
Parkinson’s disease is the second most common neurodegenerative disorder and the most common movement disorder. It is characterized by progressive loss of muscle control, which leads to trembling of the limbs and head while at rest, stiffness, slowness, and impaired balance. As symptoms worsen, it may become difficult to walk, talk, and complete simple tasks.
The progression of Parkinson’s disease and the degree of impairment vary from individual to individual. Many people with Parkinson’s disease live long productive lives, whereas others become disabled much more quickly. Premature death is usually due to complications such as falling-related injuries or pneumonia.
In the United States, about 1 million people are affected by Parkinson’s disease and worldwide about 5 million. Most individuals who develop Parkinson’s disease are 60 years of age or older. Parkinson’s disease occurs in approximately 1% of individuals aged 60 years and in about 4% of those aged 80 years. Since overall life expectancy is rising, the number of individuals with Parkinson’s disease will increase in the future. Adult-onset Parkinson’s disease is most common, but early onset Parkinson’s disease (onset between 21-40 years), and juvenile-onset Parkinson’s disease (onset before age 21) also exist.
What causes Parkinson’s disease?
A substance called dopamine acts as a messenger between two brain areas – the substantia nigra and the corpus striatum – to produce smooth, controlled movements. Most of the movement-related symptoms of Parkinson’s disease are caused by a lack of dopamine due to the loss of dopamine-producing cells in the substantia nigra. When the amount of dopamine is too low, communication between the substantia nigra and corpus striatum becomes ineffective, and movement becomes impaired; the greater the loss of dopamine, the worse the movement-related symptoms. Other cells in the brain also degenerate to some degree and may contribute to non-movement related symptoms of Parkinson’s disease.
Although it is well-known that lack of dopamine causes the motor symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, it is not clear why the dopamine-producing brain cells deteriorate. Genetic and pathological studies have revealed that various dysfunctional cellular processes, inflammation, and stress can all contribute to cell damage. In addition, abnormal clumps called Lewy bodies, which contain the protein alpha-synuclein, are found in many brain cells of individuals with Parkinson’s disease. The function of these clumps in regards to Parkinson’s disease is not understood. In general, scientists suspect that dopamine loss is due to a combination of genetic and environmental factors.
There is also something called Parkinson’s Dementia, which is a whole other ball game.
Early in the course of Parkinson’s disease dementia, mental slowing is
seen. Another sign (In medicine a sign is what a physician finds by examining
a patient. )For example, a patient with the symptom of pain might have signs of a
fast heart rate, a pale face, a clammy touch and tenderness. is
mental inflexibility. Compared to people with Alzheimer’s disease, those with
Parkinson’s disease dementia have somewhat worse visuospatial function, although
at the early stages, this is usually demonstrated better by formal testing (such
as the clock drawing task) than is seen in everyday life. Hallucinations are
often seen in Parkinson’s disease dementia. The hallucinations typically consist
of seeing things that are not there. In Alzheimer’s disease, hallucinations
generally occur late (e.g. in the severe stage), but in Parkinson’s Disease
dementia, they usually occur early (when the dementia is in the mild stage. )
In fact, in Parkinson’s disease dementia, hallucinations can be an
early sign of dementia. Even when seen as a reaction to too much dopamine, they
can be a sign of dementia to follow later.
Symptoms that are more specific for Parkinson’s Disease dementia are a mild memory impairment that at first responds to hints and cues. just as in Lewy Body dementia, patients with Parkinson’s Disease dementia can show large changes in attention and alertness from day-to-day (one day they are able to hold conversation, next day the cannot). Other manifestations of fluctuation in symptoms are episodes of staring blankly, especially if occurs to such an extent that you find
yourself touching or even shaking the person you care for so that they will
“snap out of it”. Daytime sleepiness can be another sign of fluctuation.
Sometimes, for reasons that are not clear, the fluctuation in alertness can be
made better by making changes to medications that smooth out the level of
dopamine.
Parkinson’s Disease dementia is a progressive Progression
A disease that is increasing in severity; going from bad to worse over time. disorder that has an average length of several years from the beginning of symptoms. The cause of Parkinson’s disease dementia is still unknown, but it is thought
that there are many genes which contribute to the development, including some
that are also thought to cause Alzheimer’s disease.
In the course of the 10 years, I have dealt with this disease, I have done a BUNCH of research on the subject. If only to find a way that will make the Road Momma is travelling easier for her. It is not an easy road to travel, and my heart goes out to other Caregiver’s that are dealing with this disease.
If I can get the word out and help at least one other person who has questions, then I feel good. If my experience on this road helps someone else on the journey they are on, then I am not on the road by myself.
I do have to say, I have found friends through my blog, and we have helped each other, y’all know who you are, and I thank you, for making my road easier to travel, because I have found I am not alone.
What a week….from a Parkinson’s Daughter….
Before I begin this post, I will give a warning, this is a raw, straight from heart, and an open look into my mind at the moment. For the faint of heart, don’t bother reading, for the gutsy people who want raw emotion here it is.
Parkinson’s Disease is the “unknown” disease. Plenty of people have it, but no one understands it. It affects every person differently, some of the symptoms are the same, other’s are different. it can carry on for years, and there is something called “status quo”, no change, no difference.
I am the daughter of a Parkinson’s Momma. I am her caregiver, and there is another caregiver besides the Farmer and myself, it is Caregiver Beth. Between the 3 of us, we try to give her the best care that we know is possible.
I have been my Momma’s caregiver now for 2 years. Momma has had PD for about 12 years. I originally quit my job to help the Farmer who was feeling overwhelmed. Our philosophy was to keep Momma at home for however and whatever it took.
We met with some bumps in the road, and Momma was hospitalized and in ICU for over a week, when she rallied and was released into a Nursing Home for 4 months for Rehab. She was finally released into our care, and she got to come home. That was over a year ago.
A bunch of things have changed since that time, and the Farmer and I have learned to treat all of her stuff at home. We went to her Doctor appointment a couple of weeks ago, and it was decided to have her g-tube (feeding tube) “re-done” so to speak. What does that mean? That means Momma had to go for surgery and have a new one installed. The old one was kind of nasty looking and the valves were not doing the thing they were supposed to do.
We arranged for the Surgery and the Farmer and I, brought Momma to surgery and she sailed through it like the trooper she is. My problem was, I was so darn relieved and excited she made it through, I did not pay attention to what the Surgeon had said when he did our consult after surgery.
Momma was home and was recovering nicely, no fever, no infection. We had a snow storm, and Momma was supposed to go back to the surgeon for a “follow-up”. I called the Surgeon’s office and after talking with his nurse, it was advised she did not have to come to his office, and I just needed to pick up some prescriptions at the pharmacy of our choice.
Over the past 2 days, I have “picked up” a BUNCH more meds for Momma, that we have tried to figure out the times that she could take them. Simply because some cannot be taken at the same times as the others and need a 2-3 “window”. After scratching my head, and Caregiver Beth and I both getting together and figuring it out, I think our schedule will work. When I typed it up, and YES, I did type it up and color coded the meds….
As for Momma’s regular PD meds, we have 3 main ones, but we also have feedings, (she has a g-tube and cannot swallow, so all of her meals are liquid), We now have to figure 5 other meds into the picture.
I am going to be honest here for a second. When I returned from Wal-Mart this morning after finally picking up the last of the meds from Wal-Mart, after talking to the pharmacist and asking, does this one affect any of the others and can I just slide it in at an appropriate time? I was answered with “let me check”. I was advised I could slide this one in at any time, it would not mess up the other ones.
I asked the Farmer a question today, and I think he really thought about it before he answered me. I asked “Dad, I know we have advanced technology and medically, but is it worth it to keep someone alive on pills when there is no quality of life and it is our own selfishness keeping them alive?”.
Medically we have advanced a bunch and I understand this. BUT SERIOUSLY….
I say this with a heavy heart and a complete confusion. My Momma is nothing like what she was, she is a shell of her former self. Don’t get me wrong in any way shape or form. I love her with ALL of my heart and then some. There are times, when MY MOMMA shines through, but there are other times, she isn’t there. She is a scared person, going through the motions.
She has strength and stamina, but at what price? Has technology brought us to a place where, maybe we should not be? This will probably cause a bunch of controversy, But ya know what? I am at the place, where I am wondering why?
This disease sucks. Not just for the person who has it, but also for the family member that deals with it. I try to put myself in her shoes, and try to understand, but I don’t.
When I was giving Momma all her meds today, she even noticed there were some extra’s, and asked me why? I didn’t have an answer to that question, I only looked at her and kissed her and told her “I love you Momma”.
How do you explain to a person who will not understand what you are saying, what you are doing?
But you know what? I will keep doing what I am doing, if I only get that Momma smile, and she gives it to me, and grabs my hand and pulls me close and tells me she loves me.
I gave the Farmer his lesson’s tonite, on the new meds….what will be, shall be, it’s not mine to question, it is just to make happen.
To My Momma,….I Love you…
To the Farmer…..I Love you….
To Caregiver Beth… I thank you..
To the Electrician…Thank you for catching me as I fall……
To my family…..Thank you for supporting me……
y’ all for reading…..hope I’ve helped some……..
In her eyes…..
I read an article in a magazine last month, and I was truly engrossed. As a Caregiver to Momma, I am all about finding out tips, or suggestions, from other’s that also occupy “my sort of world”. The article was very informative, with the exception, the article was written for an Alzheimer’s Caregiver.
Momma does not have Alzheimer’s, although I am familiar with that disease too. My Cousin/Aunt Kay had it, and it wasn’t pretty either. It seems to me that there are a lot of Diseases out there, and they are given a lot of time in the news, or front-runner of charities.
Momma has Parkinson’s. (I know you all know this, but go with me on my train of thought for the moment). While I acknowledge that Alzheimer’s is a very nasty thing, I would like to add that Parkinson’s rates right up there too.
But again, I digress, and I am famous for that. My mind is going so fast that I am having a hard time keeping up with what I originally started out to say. That happens to me sometimes.
The article that I read, gave some idea’s on how Caregiver’s could retain their well-being. It’s hard to be a Caregiver, especially if you are a Caregiver to a member of your family. There are so many dynamics that enter into the picture. You hurt just not for the person going through it, but also for all of the family members going through it with the person. Be it, Mother, Father, sister, brother, or you, the person that has it.
I am a unique person and I acknowledge this (I am not patting myself on the back here, I am letting you into my world). When I look at Momma, and I know momma. I see what she see’s. I put myself into her shoes, and I realize to an extent how it feels.
I would not like the fact, that I am no longer able to any thing by myself. I am at every one’s mercy for my well-being. I used to be able to get up by myself and go to the restroom and wipe my own butt, I could give myself a bath, I could dress myself, and walk by myself into the other room. I could grab my car keys and drive myself anywhere. I could form a sentence and carry on a conversation with anyone. I did not see things that are not there, I was able to carry on and eat anything I wanted. But now? Now I am reduced to not being able to do anything myself. I cannot even roll over in bed by myself. I am fed by a tube, and I so crave a simple piece of pepperoni pizza. I’m scared of the night-time, and I don’t like the dark. I have so many thoughts going on in my head, and I cannot make my mouth say them. Sometimes, I get the words out and I let my husband and daughter know how much I love them, but my mind is clouded and I cannot form my words. I choke on my own spit, and get scared. I had so many dreams of when I got older, this was not one of them.
These are some of the thoughts in my head, when I put myself into Momma’s shoes. I’ve talked to Momma, and these things are true. While Caregiver Beth and the Farmer, get some good things, Momma shares with me her innermost thoughts at times. I’ve carried this inside me for so long, that I am erupting in emotions about now.
I guess, as the Daughter of a Momma with Parkinson’s it is important for me to know these things. I only have my Momma’s best interests at heart. While I cannot easily say this does not hurt, because it does, maybe, it is something I was meant to do. Simply because of events in my life have led me to this point.
With all of the above being said, my true reason for writing this post was to put into motion that Caregivers, need Caregivers as well. There are times when I am so low that I cannot even see daylight. When I feel that the burden is too much for me to bear. But you know what? There is daylight, and there are great memories, and it is what it is. I am a very lucky girl. I have a family that loves me, and will not let me do this by myself. I have a wealth of Caregivers, who give me care. From the Electrician, who supports me and lets me do this, even while we may not have enough money that we need, to my kids, who just call me to say what’s up, to my friends I’ve met through my blogging world who keep tabs on me.
Life is a journey, embrace every moment, enjoy everything, tell each and every person that you Love, you love them. And at the end of the day, know that you have given your all. Sometimes life throws us some curve balls, just be ready to catch them, and above all, believe in your heart, and go with it.
Caregiver….Being selfish…
Today was a different day for me. My routine was challenged, and I proceeded with how it was going to be. I made an appointment last week that was long over due, and went with it. You see, I am a Caregiver, and while I spend most of my time giving care, I don’t necessarily take time out of my day to help me.
I am not a fashionista, wearing sweats is usually how I approach my day. I don’t do the makeup thing, I was never actually tought how to put make-up on, I’ve always winged it. Most of the time, I for-go it. period. While I understand, that the Electrician loves when I dress up, I don’t usually do it.
Today was different for me though. I made an appointment with my “new” hairdresser last week for this week. Today was “MY DAY” so to speak. . I will admit, I felt guilty, first for spending the Electrician’s hard-earned money on me, and 2, well I just don’t normally do that.
When I woke up this morning, I felt a little bit bamboozled and a little lost. My routine was different. When I realized, I had time to do the things I normally do, but with a little extra time, I was well….flumoxed. I did the laundry and vacuumed the floors (up and down), and took all the trash out, not to mention playing on the internet…Geesh…I kinda did not know what to do with myself.
I will admit, I was a little nervous about going to my “new” hairdresser. I’ve had the same girl do my hair for the last umpteen years, and well, to be honest, a girl’s hair is sacred.For me? I’ve had Cancer, and I’ve gone through Chemo, and I think that is why I will not let my hair be short, for now….I’ve been bald, on several occassions, and I think that’s why it grows long now, my form of rebellion. I should have known though.
Today…yes, I am happy. I’ve had one of the most relaxing days, spent some good time with my hairdresser, and well, I’ve been relaxed all day. For me, this is the best. Things with momma are not that good, I will not go into detail other than to say the Farmer has dealt with somethings, that are a regular thing for me.
While today I was selfish, because I truly loved my day, who wouldn’t? Being pampered and having someone give you a scalp massage and talk to and it being an over all good time? I did pay it forward though, don’t be mistaken that I didn’t. When I did arrive at the Farmer’s house, I promptly gave Momma a hair wash, that she even sighed over. I massaged her scalp, and then blow dried her hair and she was even smiling. It might have been about an hour after she expected me, but I was there.
I’ve learned some stuff today… Sometimes, we all need that “special care”, no matter who we are, what we have, and what we are dealing with. Sometimes, we just need to feel pampered, and then refreshed and then, we can do what we have to.
This is me today…and hat’s off to my hairdresser for making me look good…..
Sometimes you just need Instructions….
Okay, I’ll admit it, I usually try to bluster through everything, and try to get things right without reading the instructions. Do you know what I am talking about? You buy something new, and put it together and end up with 4 extra screws, and sit there scratching your head, wondering where they go.
Unfortunately in life, there are no instructions. So, you sit there scratching your head and wonder where are the instructions. I think if you have a Disease, it should come with instructions. Forgive me for a few minutes, but I have been totally flummoxed by Parkinson’s.
When Momma was diagnosed 8 years ago, with the Disease, it was a very slow progression. About a year and a half ago, I quit my job, because the progression seemed to be moving a little bit faster, and the Farmer needed my help.
When I quit my job, I did every known research, and I mean hours of sitting at the computer reading anything and everything I could find. I talked to Doctor friends, and Nurse friends and Caregiver friends.
When Momma went downhill fast, I got scared, but slowly over the past year we have reached something that is called the “Plateau” stage. Me? I call it the “status quo” stage.
The only thing I have noticed lately are small things. Momma seems to be more confused lately, which is attributed to PDD (Parkinson’s Disease Dementia). Momma talks to a bunch of folks who are Dead, and expects me to answer them when they are talking to me.
I have noticed Momma seems to be a little bit weaker than normal. I will say, My Momma is a fighter and refuses to give up. Sometimes, she seems so strong, and at other’s, I think a little wisp of wind would blow her over.
I will say though, some of the “other things” that are happening I am not a fan of. (I’m about to be graphic here so shield your eyes), in the past 2 days, I have been pee’d on, (it was an accident and Momma was really sorry), today, when Momma was passing gas, well, it wasn’t just gas, and DAMN….I have figured out that from now on, I will wear my hair UP in a pony tail or a bun or something, I will wear gloves AT ALL TIMES, just because.
I never knew how hard it would be to be a Caregiver. I never understood how hard it was to balance everything in my life and still be okay at the same time. I think I have learned something about myself in this process. I have learned that I will try to take care of everyone else, sometimes at the expense of myself. The Farmer asked me recently, “Why are you sick all of the time?”. I think it may be NOT just because I smoke, but also, because I am to worried about taking care of everyone else instead of me.
I have noticed a trend, so to speak, some of my friends that are Caregivers, do the same thing. We tend to “take Care of” others, at the expense of ourselves. I guess, I am starting to understand, that I cannot take care of someone else if I cannot take care of myself. Does that make sense?
That’s why I need an instruction manual. I might even read it…..
Too Many Things….
Have you ever had a day when just too many things are going on, and you just wanna do nothing?
When you feel a grief inside, and cannot explain it, but you feel it all the same?
When you try, and nothing you seem to do can make things better?
When instead of feeling that things are ok, they are not?
When you worry about things, that are out of your control, and you know this, but you worry just the same?
When you become consumed by certain things, and some people just don’t seem to understand?
When people tell you, you have changed, and maybe you have, but they also do not walk in your shoes?
Sometimes, things just get out of control, and while you try your best to keep them in control, you may forget and allow somethings to fall to the side.
Sometimes, you need to realize, when you think you have it under control, you really don’t.
But the thing is, what would you do if you walked in my shoes?
Would you be as caring?
Would you spend your time giving something to someone else, that you love with all your heart?
Would you sacrifice some part of your life for another part of your life?
Sometimes, we do what we have to do, we do what we feel the need to do.
Maybe I have changed, but at the same token, if you walked in my shoes, would you do the same?
Sometimes it is just hard to be a Caregiver, and my family my suffer because of it, I am sorry for all of the things, I have failed to do. I am sorry if I have hurt any of my family members feelings, because I am a Caregiver.
Maybe I am being selfish, and I hope they can understand this. This is my Momma, While it is sometimes hard to comprehend, what lengths would you go to for your parents?
Sometimes there are too many emotions on this roller coaster, and I am trying to deal with all of them and still let my family know I love them with all of my heart.
Maybe I have lost a part of myself by doing this. But it is a part, that I would gladly give up, simply because of a love for my Momma. Because when this journey ends, I will have a life long of lasting memories of a woman, who loves me beyond all recognition and who at this time needs me, and wants me to be there.
Random….For a Caregiver….
Lately, I’ve had a bunch of Random things pop into my head. Not quite sure why, but my mind does not want to shut off lately. I don’t know if it is because I am travelling down the road cruise control on 70, or because MAYBE, I might have to accept something. Maybe, just maybe, I have put too much on my plate lately, and I am having a hard time, making my way through my plate.
I got up this morning early, and was watching my regular News program of the morning, and I thought, ”Someone is trying to tell me something”, because of the segment they had on.
My little ole town news station had a segment for Caregiver’s, this morning. The Electrician actually turned up the volume, and I truly paid attention. Apparently, “we” as Caregiver’s of family members find the Holidays, a trying time.
We want things to be the way they were BEFORE, we had to become Caregiver’s, be it from Spouses, daughters, sons, or just as a family. We want to go back to the time, when things were “normal”.
But in our lives right now, it is not normal. For me? I’ve been between a rock and a hard place, to trying to figure out other people’s emotions and not quite comprehending them.
Forgive me, for a second, but I am a 50+ woman, who tries to do the best she can with what she has. I apologize for not figuring out exactly what other’s need from me.
I am not giving anyone any grief, but I am trying to explain, YES, I would give anything to go back to the time, when it was all “normal”. But uhm…WAKE up, because it is not normal, and we deal with what we are given.
Forgive me, but the last few days with Momma have not been exactly “perfect”. To the Farmer, while I know it hurts us both, especially when she cries, because normally, she does not cry. There is a sadness in the house right now, that while we may not have told her everything, she feels it. Sometimes, I cry simply because of her frustration.
Folks, Momma is not like she used to be, she is getting weaker, and while we grasp at straws, it ain’t pretty. If I could seriously give her ALL of my strength, and let her stay awake, and have a solid conversation and not one of a dreamland I would. But, I can’t.
There has been a bunch of kissing and hugs lately, that haven’t always been there. To me , that is another Blessing.
As a Caregiver to my Momma with Stage 5 Parkinson’s, I would not miss this for anything, and while I know the Farmer AND Momma need me, I am right there. To My Electrician, The Nursing Student, The Fisher Dude, My Son & his fiance, and the College Student, and especially Cam-Man, I am right there for you too. But at the same token, I know you are all there for me too.
In Life’s lesson’s, I have found a strength and courage, I never knew I had. But I will admit something to y’all, I’m not doing it alone. I’m being carried, ya know how I know this? Because I feel it, between God, and all of my guardian angels, we got this. (And I have a bunch of angels watching over me).
Sniffles, & a can of Whoopass….
Welp, after taking care of the Farmer since Sunday, It’s official I now have the sniffles. In preparation I have now filled myself with some cold medicine stuff, and am praying it works.
Today was my 4th day in a row of arriving early, giving Momma her first meds of the day. Today though I thought I would get every thing done, so that tomorrow, I can concentrate on Momma. Giving her a pedicure, manicure, and wash her hair, and let her have a special day, because I am going to be gone for a few days.
So with all that being said, I busted my … well, let’s just say after shampooing 1/2 the living room carpet, dusting all the furniture, cleaning 2 bathrooms, sweeping and mopping all the floors, and vacuuming the rest of them, scrubbing the kitchen, doing 6 loads of laundry (the last one, which was towels drying, I left for the Farmer, who is feeling better). I was a little tired when I arrived home.
While some may say this is not right, I am kind of happy that the Electrician is home right now. While I was doing all these things at the Farmer’s house, he was doing them (minus the shampoo the carpet), at mine. I so love him.
When I got home I threw dinner together. I made a chuck steak in mushroom gravy that I let simmer for about an hour and a half. I also made french fries, simply for the fact, I love french fries smothered in gravy, and then we had some carrots, broccoli and cauliflower, all mixed together and slowly simmered in garlic butter. While all of it might not necessarily be healthy, it was damn good.
I took my shower and that’s when the “sniffles” hit. I have been blowing my nose non stop for about an hour now. I feel ok otherwise, other than the headache I have had for 4 days now.
I can’t get sick right now, there is too much going on in the next few days, and I don’t have time for that crap.
Let me just address something for a minute, so I can get it off my chest. We have 2 Caregivers that come and help us with Momma. One of these women comes Monday thru Friday, and the other one is our weekend girl. We use an Agency for our girls. The Agency finally sent us a couple of pretty good Caregivers. unfortunately one of the Caregivers (Mon-Fri) has been slacking BIG time lately, If you or I went to a job and fell asleep while we were supposed to be giving care, it could mean getting fired. But seriously, I don’t know what life they are living.
Last night our weekend girl showed up and the Farmer was surprised. Let me digress for a moment, Beth (the weekend girl) is the one the Farmer likes because she also cleans while she is there, and is really good with Momma, and since I have taught her how to give the meds, some of the pressure is off the Farmer.
This morning I got a call from the Agency telling me that the Mon-Fri girl was in the hospital and that’s why she wasn’t there last night. I expressed some concern for her being in the hospital and I hoped she was ok. The Agency advised me that the weekend girl (Beth) was going to fill in for the time being. When the Farmer came in after his shower, I told him what they had said.
What followed next was some “serious” drama, and why the heck am I dealing with “drama”? Apparently the week girl had a heart attack but would be released soon and ready to go back to work. Uhm… EXCUSE me, maybe I am looking at this wrong, but seriously, WHY do I want someone who has just had a heart attack come back and take care of Momma when THEY should be recuperating? We told the Agency that while we were happy she was ok, we would prefer for weekend girl to be our full-time Caregiver, and she had indicated she would do it. The only problem was Thursday nights. You see the weekend girl has school on Thursday nights.
The Agency informed the weekend girl who maybe I would “swap” hours with her for that day, and I could come at night and the Agency ‘girl” could come in the morning.
I apologize first for what I am about to say, but I have already had the conversation with the Farmer, and there is going to be a can of WHOOPASS opened on the Agency.
First and foremost, I am not an “employee”, I AM THE DAUGHTER. Second, WE EMPLOYEE YOU as in the Agency. Third, When it comes to Momma, I am all about her care, not whether you make a dollar or two from us, it’s about her CARE. Fourth, I can FIRE you and I’m damn sure skippy I can find either an individual or a different company that has some ETHICS, in running their business.Fifth, I’m REALLY not in the mood to deal with this type of b.s.
With all of the above being said, I am truly disgusted at some of the ETHICs of some of the “Caregiver’s” Companies out there. There are people who make money out of some families tragedies, and I’m seriously pissed. While I usually try to find the GOOD out of any situation, I’m slowly becoming disillusioned with the Home Health Care Industry. There are a lot of people out there, that are making serious dollars off of our heartache.
While I don’t have the answers yet, I am working on them. Trust me when I say, I will find answers. Because Camsgranny is a little upset….
