Yesterday, the Farmer and I got busy with Christmas. While I have already put up a fiber optics tree, with no ornaments. I found a 3 feet tree in the basement, that I tried to negotiate with him, to bring it to my house to put up in my basement. Well…that was a no go, and it is now put up in his living room where Momma can see it.
We put it on the coffee table, and then went downstairs to try to find some ornaments to go on it. After searching through a bunch of boxes, and a bunch of memories, we found some ornaments.
My Grandma B. used to make Christmas ornaments. I was looking for a specific memory. My Grandma had made some Christmas ornaments that I truly cherished. It was a robin made out of red ribbon. After searching through some boxes of ornaments, and finding 3 of my own Christmas stockings from different times of my life, we found some ornaments that I had made when I was a kid.
I was a little surprised, I remembered making them. The fact that I had signed my name on the bottom of the ornament really shocked me. When I asked the Farmer, “You kept these?” with disbelief on my face, he laughed.
We continued with our search, it was truly a trip down memory lane for me. We slowly decorated the tree, and both of us, kind of smiled different smiles at different things. The Farmer has some Christmas decorations from when he was a kid, and they mean something to him, I can kind of relate after seeing somethings I haven’t seen in years.
While we were searching, the flock of robins emerged, but unfortunately, there is only one red ribbon robin left. The Farmer told me to take it and put it on my tree, but something in me told him, “nah Dad, it’s yours this year, but I’m taking it after Christmas.”.
While we were decorating the tree, we talked about some past memories, I told him the first memory I had, was when we lived in Rancho Bernardo, California, and we lived in a house, the first Christmas we were there, I had gotten up and opened up everyone’s presents. I remember this, and the fact that the next Christmas we had, there was a gate to go into the living room, and I could not reach the hook to go into the living room. He laughed and said “well..after the past year what did you expect?” Folks, this is a memory when I was 5 years old. That is exactly 46 years ago….
I can so remember decorating the Christmas Tree with the Farmer so many years of my life. There were a bunch that we did not do together, because I had started my own family, and did some things different, but then I came home, and we did things together again.
Christmas was never truly a “BIG” holiday in our house. But I seem to have a bunch of memories of some really good times. Since I have been with the Electrician, I have seen some miracles at Christmas, last year being one of them.
Last Christmas, all’s I wanted was for Momma to make it through it and be ok. Christmas Eve of last year, Momma was discharged from the hospital into the Nursing home, for recovery to be released home when she was ready.
Momma came home, and has been with us all year. Forgive me for a second because Momma told me she would not be with me for this Christmas, but guess what? She’s still here and plugging along, so maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna be ok.
I read a blog post tonite that has truly hit me in the gut and made me accept a few things. So, in true Camsgranny fashion, I am also writing a letter.
While I know the past few days you have felt like you are on a roller coaster, maybe you need to accept that you are. This Holiday season is a first for you.
You have so many scary memories of the last Holiday season, and you need to accept the fact you are scared. It doesn’t help you that your Momma has said, she gets emotional over the Christmas holiday, and that she has told you she is planning to leave you this Christmas season.
While your memories flood back to you from last year, when you actually “lost” your Momma and the fact that the Doctor’s and Nurses brought her back to you. You need to quit being a scaredy cat, and recognize every day is a gift.
You need to quit walking on eggshells and live your life, and quit worrying. While I understand that it gets harder and harder everyday to go take care of her, when you see that she is slowly going away, cherish what time you have with her.
Giggle those giggles, belly laugh when you both need to. Wipe her tears when she needs it, wipe her drool away when she needs it. Comfort her when she is confused, and let her be herself.
She loves you, oh so much, and that is why she tells you daily, she is Blessed by you, and lucky to have you. While I understand, you tell her, You are lucky to have her.
While I understand your frustration, and that being a Caregiver is hard. It is something you feel the need to do. It won’t be forever, and there will come a day, when you will feel Blessed to have all these moments and also to have spent the time you did.
So to myself, I say this, Girl, you got this and quit looking behind and start looking forward, and just take one day at a time. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today? well, it’s a present.
Today…hmm..how do I approach this…ok, straight on, cuz that’s the kind of gal I am. Today officially “Sucked green Twinkies, and smelt alot like poop”.
With that having being said, let me explain. The contractor got here this morning (day 2 of the infamous remodel) and we had a little chat about what would be done today, and I left. Remember kid’s today is Tuesday and I had to pick up Cam-Man early.
For all intents and purposes, he appeared to be fine, although the nursing student advised me that he had woken up (so had she) at 1:45 am this morning and his bed was filled with…puke. Everywhere, so she changed his bed linens, gave him a bath and changed his pants, and they went back to sleep. When she got him up at 8 am for me, he was filled with a very smelly, soggy, diaper, and had diarrhea, all down his little legs, so back into the tub he went.
He appeared fine, giggling and laughing when I got there and got his coat on waved bye to his Momma and jumped into the car, ready to go. We got to the Farmer’s and I fed him oatmeal (it sticks to your ribs), and he was full energy, running around talking a mile a minute, you never would have known he had been sick.
I got Momma up and bathed, and dressed and then started cooking breakfast. I had just got done (today was hash browns, bacon and fried eggs n toast), and served the Farmer and Momma, when Cam man went blasting by me and I smelled something. FOUL. So I whisked him into the bedroom and WHAMMO, it was loaded. Luckily it did not escape the diaper, but it sure brought me back about 30 years ago, when the boys were sick and I started gagging. Round 1- Cam, granny -0. He still appeared to be fine, just a little tired so the Farmer put on some cartoons and sat next to him on the couch.
I finished the laundry, and started boiling some chicken for a chicken and rice casserole, got things straightened up and gave the Farmer a grocery list, he was going to stop at the store after his haircut. By now, Cam is up and running all over the place again, when Cam -AKA stinky butt, came up to me pulling at his butt. Yup, he did it again. Round 2 – Cam, Granny -0. By now, I’ve figured out he can only do this one more time because I only brought 3 diapers with me. Poor kid, it was RANK.
Well, I got his butt changed and gave him some juice and back to the couch we went. By now the farmer has left to shop (P.S. he bought a new Christmas tree because I couldn’t find the old one downstairs, just an empty box). When all of a sudden…Cam got up and went running into Momma’s room. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing and then I saw where he had puked a little, and I went chasing after him into the kitchen where he stopped and looked at me and hostile projectiled….yup, right on me. Round 3 – Cam, Granny -0. Poor kid was so upset he started crying and went and smacked his face into his blankey. I took off my shirt, and went running after him and grabbed him and just held him and rocked him. He was upset, he didn’t feel good and was scared. Poor Momma just looked at both of us and asked “OH MY GOODNESS, What is THAT smell?” I explained to Momma that Cam had just had an accident and she wanted to comfort him too.
Momma started humming a little tune, and Cam just sat on my lap with his thumb in his mouth and his blankey on the side of his face and just listened. He calmed down instantly and I laid him down and rubbed his forehead and he went to sleep. Me?…I went and cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, the mess in Momma’s room, rinsed out my shirt, finished the casserole for the evening, and kept checking on both Momma & Cam. Cam slept, Momma hummed.
Then the doorbell went off, the Farmer was back, the first thing I said was if he wakes that kid up all hell’s gonna break loose. Well, all hell broke loose, so I made the Farmer sit with Cam, while I put everything away, and told the Farmer what had happened and that I was going to go and take Cam to my house where he might be able to sleep for longer than 30 minutes. We said our bye’s – no kisses, I don’t want them to get anything from lil’ dude and I’m not sure what he’s got.
I THOUGHT he might fall asleep on the way to my house, but nooooooo, He just watched out the window and perked up when a good song came on the radio. The first thing I did when we got to my house was give him some children’s Tylenol. I also had some Pedialite, I mixed it with some water (like the nursing student told me to do). When WHAMMO, yup….hit with another one Round 4 Cam, Granny -0.
Let me tell you something, I think I finally figured it out when lil Mr. Cam-Man was giggling so hard, he has 2 eye teeth and the lower eye teeth coming in all the same time, as well as his 2 year molars. Now, I remember back when the boys were teething, and the behavior is a little the same, it’s the hostile projectiling that has me, because this kid is fine most of the time. I figured it out when he went for his electric toothbrush, and just let it hit the area where his molars are coming in and just sat and relaxed.
Mind you, this was the first 3/4 of my day. By the time the Fisher -dude came to get him, he was fine. Then the Electrician who, also had a poopy day got home, and the fact we are still in the midst of the remodel, well…let’s just say things were a little snarky. We were both tired, and really wanting to relax in a nice hot shower, reclaim our house and get back to normal.
But it’s ok, because tomorrow is one day closer to Thursday, and this too shall pass.
Ok y’all today was another Good day…(It’s good to have a couple of them after a couple of bad one’s.)
Momma was in top form today. I got a cell-phone call from the Farmer (while I was on my way over to his house, okay, I MAY have overslept, and hung out with the Electrician who had the day off, a little longer than necessary). the Farmer wanted to know if I was coming over…uhm…DUH…I told him I was a few minutes away and would be there soon.
I screeched into the driveway and the bell was going off in the house (hehehe). I went in and got a cup of coffee and talked to the Farmer for a few minutes and then went into give Momma her med’s. She was SNORRING, so I woke her up and gave her meds and put her back down. I went in and told the Farmer I really didn’t want to get her up because for once she was actually sleeping. He agreed, so we sat and chatted for a while.
Now maybe I am wrong, but between you and me, I think the Farmer misses me on days I’m not there, you see I stayed home yesterday and it was just the Farmer and Momma. While this may seem strange, I believe maybe the Farmer is seeing what I see.
Momma can’t do the things for herself that she used to be able to do. I know this. It’s hard for him to accept the changes.
I fixed breakfast and then went and woke Momma up, and man, I’m here to tell you, she was full of good cheer. I got her up, bathed and dressed and then we went to her chair and gave her breakfast. Momma was in rare form today, the Farmer’s leg is bothering him and I told him to go lay down for awhile, and me n Momma had a little party. She is having trouble eating in a reasonable amount of time. (She falls asleep, or gets distracted). Well, I got her butt up and did some laps around the living room, dining room (oops we had a potty break), and then back to the kitchen so we could wash her hair (the Farmer said she had been scratching at her head), we accomplished all that and then…back to the chair.
Momma and I did some exercises today and she was very receptive today, it was the most I have seen her participate in the past week. I know I’m new at this Parkinson’s thing, but I really wish I could get a handle on it. Sometimes, Momma is so good and other times she is so “not-with-it” . I guess I’m just scared, because hey this is my Momma, and I don’t want to see the Farmer in pain. When I left they were okay, but the Farmer needs to know that if he needs me I’m there….
On another note, when I came home today (the Electrician had the day off), we had talked about putting the Christmas tree up this weekend (last year the Electrician was on the road and I pretty much decorated the house by myself), I came home to the tree up (not decorated) but my house was decorated…Uhm..ok, call me a softy (uhm…Sally, woosh, uhm, I can’t describe the feeling). The Electrician had cleaned (and I mean Cleaned) my house finished ALL of the laundry and had worked on the bathroom (that’s a post for another day). The Electrician did all this because he loves me, and he loves the Farmer and Momma (that’s why he let’s me do what I do cuz, y’all I don’t make any money HE does).
My life, while may be full of different aspects, it’s full of Love, Family and friends. By the way, my Best friend is is the Electrician., he understands me, knows me, and still Loves me. Thankful…ya’ll have no idea……