Hey y’all, this is me, Ms. Baby. My Mom has been having a hard time posting lately, there are to many things happening with her, and she does not want to come across all sad, and confused and stuff, so she asked me to post on her blog, so her readers would know she was still alive.
First off, this is me in the picture. I was trying to do my “sexy” pose, so I could get more treats. For some reason my Mom and Dad looked at me and laughed. How rude. Since Mom is giving me my own time on her blog there are some things I would like to address, and hope she reads this so I can get my point across.
First, if my paw touches it, it’s mine. That includes everything and if I happen to put my paw on your plate, it’s mine. Seriously.
Secondly, I think my Mom is cheating on me with some other kitties. The reason I say this, she is gone all day long, and then when she finally does get home, she has the smell of other kitties. What the heck, She is supposed to be a one kitty woman!
And another thing, I am supposed to be able to go outside in the morning and then in the evening. I usually don’t go far, just in the backyard for a couple of minutes, I like to eat the grass. I don’t like to go that far after that time the birds in neighborhood dive bombed my butt. For some unknown reason, they only let me out for about a minute in the morning and then a minute in the afternoon. Dad said something about not trying to heat the outside with our heat, whatever that means, pfft, I have a fur coat for crying out loud, it doesn’t affect me.
That’s another thing, Mom is falling off on her job of brushing me. I have a mat in my fur, what the heck is that about? I try really hard to get to all of my parts, but I may (cough, cough..uhmm…furball) have missed a spot.
I heard something too, the other day, and then that thing they use to take me out of the house showed up in the garage, which by the way is my domain. I have a window that is all mine and I sit in and guard the house for Mom and Dad. But this thing showed up and I heard whispers of the “Vet”. Now, I am here to tell you, That’s not gonna happen. I will hide under the bed and they will have no chance of getting me out. I don’t like the Vet. period.
I really don’t understand my Mom and Dad, they truly think THEY run this house. hehehe…They don’t know much. I am an alarm clock, when they sleep to late. I go in and kick them awake. I chase them up and down the stairs to make sure they stay healthy and all’s I ask for is a little treat now and then….
It’s a hard job, but I do the best I can. It’s hard taking care of these humans. Especially, since they are my Mom and Dad. But I know when they are upset, and I do my best to keep things going.
So, for all of you wondering, Mom is okay, she just needs a little break, and Dad is taking care of her, with my assistance. Don’t worry, she will be back in a couple of days and bore you to tears…..no problem… Until then, this is Ms. Baby signing off…..Thanks Mom for letting me post!
I’ve had a hard time lately, trying to figure out what I was going to post about. It’s like I lost my “blogging mojo” so to speak. With so much going on in my life right now, I’ve kind of stepped back. While I have pretty much laid it all out there for all of you to take this journey with me, I’ve found lately, I’ve been smacked in the face with some things that are to personnal to put out into my blogging world.
I guess, it’s because this blog has been written from my heart, and I truly don’t know what I am going to blog about, until I sit down at my computer. This blog has helped me to express, my feelings over some situations that are hard for me to go through. It’s become my outlet, so to speak.
I did not realize how much it meant to me, until last night. Yesterday, I was hit with a situation that tore me up. I wanted to blog about it, but, my internet went down last night at about 6 pm. We even called the Fisher Dude to come over and try to help us get it back up and running.
After being on the phone for umpteen hours, we were advised that the problem was at their end and not ours. Psst… Thanks to the NURSE for letting us kidnap her husband for a bit.
Yes, I said NURSE, The Nursing student is still a “student” so to speak, But at this time she has achieved her LPN, status, and is working towards her RN status. Her Father and I are very proud of her.
But yet again, I am sidetracked. Last night, when I could not blog, I wrote a letter in my notes, on my computer. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. I felt I had to write it, and I am a little hesitant with sharing it with y’all. I will do it, simply because, No One should feel this way. I am opening myself up, and I hope someone hears the message
“I am a tortured soul. I received a phone call this morning that has torn me in two. Sometimes, a Mother does not know what her child needs, and we get all torn up inside and only hope and pray we know what to do. Me? Nope, I have no idea at this point.
I got a phone call this morning from my youngest son. I was a little startled. “Mom, I saw Dad this morning”. Uhmm “what?”
Let me just advise y’all that “Dad” committed suicide about 3 years ago.
“What the heck are you talking about?” I asked, fear surrounding me. Yes, my youngest son tried to follow in his Father’s footsteps. I get chills just talking about it, and I am so torn I’m not sure what to do.
I gave him my faith, and told him over and over , “No, No, No”. I also told him, when he said it was unsuccessful, that God has oh so many plans for him.
I don’t know how to respond to this. I am totally floored, and am in unfamiliar territory. I don’t know what to say or
do to make it right. I’ve been told by other’s it’s not up to me to make it right.
I’m praying so hard right now, I can’t even begin to tell you. The Electrician has asked me all day if I am okay. I don’t think I am. I am not trying to put myself on the pity pot, I am a very strong person. I am lifting the whole situation up to God, and am praying fiercely that he will take care of my son. I’ve also prayed to my son’s Father. Don’t let him follow in your footsteps.
I have faith, and I am floundering. I realize that I like to control situations, and I have accepted the fact there are some situations I cannot control.
I’m not trying to control this one, because simply I have accepted I have no control, But, at the same token. God take care of my Baby, and let him know there are always other answers, than ending his life. While there is pain, let him know that He is loved, by YOU and also by me. Amen.
I learned a long time ago, that it is going to get worse before it gets better, but at the same token. I believe.
I have typed this tonite into my notebook, simply because I am having internet problems, if I choose to print this when I get my internet back, well…okay, if I choose not to, well okay.
But I have learned some things through my blogging, and that is I have to write about the emotion before it eats me up and spits me out.
This one is a slow killing me softly so to speak. Because truly I do not know how to act, or react, or just be. This one has hurt me, that my Son feels he cannot go on.
I’m angry, hurt, frustrated, and so very sad. That the only legacy or message my ex-husband could leave my kids, was if it gets tough, and hard to live through life, then end it.
What the heck kind of message is that? Jimney Christmas, life is hard, sometimes it truly sucks, but you keep on plugging and go through it.
If you have pain, in your life, fix it, or understand it, Don’t Give up.
To my Son, I say this, You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’ve had a hard burden you have carried, LET IT GO, YOU are not your Father, YOU have a future, if you just open your eyes, and your heart, and forget all of the other BULLSHIT. I Love you with all of my heart, sometimes I cannot always come through for you, but please, do not kill me by ending your life.
I read a blog post tonite that has truly hit me in the gut and made me accept a few things. So, in true Camsgranny fashion, I am also writing a letter.
While I know the past few days you have felt like you are on a roller coaster, maybe you need to accept that you are. This Holiday season is a first for you.
You have so many scary memories of the last Holiday season, and you need to accept the fact you are scared. It doesn’t help you that your Momma has said, she gets emotional over the Christmas holiday, and that she has told you she is planning to leave you this Christmas season.
While your memories flood back to you from last year, when you actually “lost” your Momma and the fact that the Doctor’s and Nurses brought her back to you. You need to quit being a scaredy cat, and recognize every day is a gift.
You need to quit walking on eggshells and live your life, and quit worrying. While I understand that it gets harder and harder everyday to go take care of her, when you see that she is slowly going away, cherish what time you have with her.
Giggle those giggles, belly laugh when you both need to. Wipe her tears when she needs it, wipe her drool away when she needs it. Comfort her when she is confused, and let her be herself.
She loves you, oh so much, and that is why she tells you daily, she is Blessed by you, and lucky to have you. While I understand, you tell her, You are lucky to have her.
While I understand your frustration, and that being a Caregiver is hard. It is something you feel the need to do. It won’t be forever, and there will come a day, when you will feel Blessed to have all these moments and also to have spent the time you did.
So to myself, I say this, Girl, you got this and quit looking behind and start looking forward, and just take one day at a time. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today? well, it’s a present.
Yesterday was a fantastic day. I celebrated my 51st birthday and my 14th wedding anniversary. After an extremely late night (for me), I slept in this morning. Unfortunately, it was not going to be a lazy Sunday for me. I still had to go grocery shopping, and finish all the stuff I blew off yesterday.
I got busy early and finished the grocery shopping and came home, and the Electrician had pulled out all of the decorating stuff for us to finish our Christmas decorations.
We had just barely gotten started when I bundled everything back up, because the Nursing Student, Fisher dude, and Cam-man and Brayden boy stopped by for a quick visit. They all entered the house with each Grandson carrying a present for me for my birthday, and both of them telling me Happy Birthday G’ma! at the top of their lungs. I just busted up into a fit of giggles, because both of the boys said Happy Birthday so clearly. I was very happy with the presents too. I got 2 pounds of coffee, 1 pound of “naughty” and 1 pound of “nice”. It sure made me giggle at the titles of the coffee, but they sure do sound good.
After the kids had visited for a bit, they flew off down the road, and the Electrician and I got busy with the decorating. Meanwhile, I had shoved a boston butt pork roast in the oven, and also a vegetable medley of mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower, and potato’s into the oven a little bit later, and also threw a salad together.
We finished the decorating, and then chowed down on a wonderful dinner. Now? we are both stuffed again, and relaxing. But my living room looks amazing. We also talked about decorating downstairs, where we usually hang out.
We don’t even have all of the stockings hung up, I have about 4 more to add, but I’ve kind of run out of room. My house looks terrific, and I have watched some Christmas shows on t.v. tonite, and I am feeling the Spirit.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here.
While I’ve had a really good day, I’ve been given some stuff to think about. I had a conversation today with someone who has known me since I was about little to nothing. This person is a year older than me, and I have always looked up to her.
Our lives took different paths, but we were truly like sisters. We are related, just from different ends of the gene pool. We both have a similar upbringing, from the same family values. Both of us both have the same feeling, that we are all that’s left of a legacy.
How do you deal with that? While we talked on the phone, and both giggled over silly stuff, both of us were brought back to a happier time in our lives. We talked about, summer’s spent together, different cousin’s and things we did.
We talked about jumping off the docks into the lake, and learning to swim. We talked about having both of our Dad’s who were best friends and cousins too, give us hugs and laughing at both of our antics.
Time passes and we both became adults. She became someone who has a career and is everything I am not. I became a mother and a housewife, and Caregiver, every thing she isn’t. But, at the same token, we are both kind of the same.
We both decided that we have come from a very prominent family, and they did a lot of good for the town that they lived in. It’s kind of hard sometimes to live up to the Legacy. But between her and I we decided we would do the best we could.
We have tall shoes to fill, and we both kind of decided that we cannot fill those shoes, but what we could do, was to remember every bit of our growing up years and rejoice in them.
I guess times are a bit different from when I was a kid. A bunch of stuff that meant something when I was growing up, does not mean that much now. I spent time with my cousins, and my Grandparents, and I did not keep myself entertained by the internet, or technology. We chased firefly’s with a mason jar, jumped off the docks into a pond, and just giggled over silly stuff. We did not rely on the t.v, or the internet, or any of that other stuff to keep us busy. We would go out into the corn field, and just act crazy, or go to a cousin’s ball game and rejoice that they won, and commiserate when they lost, I seem to remember pizza was always involved..
I guess I am getting off track here, because while I understand my heritage, I’m not quite sure how to keep it going. I can tell my kids about it, but they really don’t care. That truly saddens me. I guess they got more of their Dad’s gene pool than mine.
I guess, in my conversation today, both her and I want to leave OUR mark, just not our parents mark. Don’t get me wrong in any way shape or form, because both her and my parents and our Grandparents have truly left something of a Legacy, I think we both want to as well…
Sometimes, I wish “Back to the Future” was an event I could attend. I would make some changes, and then there are some things I would not change.
I guess part of getting older and dealing with these changes is a part of life. I’m sure at one point or another, our parents have said it too. Life goes on and so do we, I guess I just don’t want to lose The Legacy of what I’ve been given.
The memories, I cherish, the Love, I feel, the family, I’m loosing, the Angels, I have.
Someday, there is going to be a major reunion up in heaven, and while I still have my time left here, I seriously am ready for that party, cuz it’s gonna be a big one.
Day 13, I am thankful…for my Husband….While I have already been thankful for him, Today, I am Thankful FOR him. After a very long day, he is my Sun shining on me when I get home. I cannot say how much he means to me, and what he does for me.
Day 14…. I am Thankful for God‘s creatures that bring me peace. After having a rough day, emotional wise, I watched 3 deer in a field, playing, and swishing their tails, and just enjoying everything. It truly brought me a calm and peace, I never thought possible.
I am Thankful for a bunch of different things, these are the one’s that I thought about when I was thinking what I would post. There are not enough words to explain, what each of them mean to me.
Let me just say, On day 14 of the month of Thankful , there are so many things I would like to say, but sometimes, I just can’t find the words.
I may have repeated some of my Thankful things, but they are truly something I am REALLY thankful for.
Day 15… I am thankful for Doctors….after taking Cam-man to the Doctor today, and getting medicine that will make him feel better, I am Thankful, he will be back to his normal self soon.
Day 6… I am thankful for ALL of my kids. I gave birth to 2 of them, but I have 5.
To my first-born: You were a surprise… I loved you with all of my being, you were a lot like me, but a bunch of your Dad thrown in. Somewhere along the line, you became your own person, with a bunch of I don’t know what thrown into the works. While you and I don’t see eye to eye, I tried with you Maybe not as hard as I could, but I did what I could with what I had, I just didn’t expect you to fight me as much as you did. I also did not expect you to hurt me as much as you have.
To my second one born: You were the apple of my eye. I know a Mother is not supposed to have favorites, but I guess I kinda did. You have been through a bunch during your years, and I still treasure the way, you call me up and just want to “talk”. You are a special person, and I am proud of the man you are becoming. I’m glad that you have found a purpose in life, and are truly starting to be happy.
To My Oldest Son …I am truly thankful, that You came into my life. You are a truly awesome Young man. While we have had a “different” relationship, I am truly proud of the man you have become, and now that you are starting your life with a Wife, I wish nothing but happiness for both of you.
To My oldest daughter….There was a reason I never gave birth to girls, I wasn’t sure how to act with girls. I have loved you since I began dating your Dad. You and I have had our differences. I have loved you though, more than if I did give birth to you. I have been allowed to be your friend first, your step-mother second, and while we’ve had our “ups” and “downs”, I have truly been honored to be a part of “your” family. I say “your family”, Because not only do I have you, but your husband and your 2 boys as well. You’ve allowed me to become a Grandmother to your 2 boys, and that seriously rocks…
To My Youngest daughter….I have watched you grow up into a young woman, from a very young girl. I have spent countless vacations with you, and watched you blossom. We too, have had our “ups & downs”, but I hope you know how much I love you, and also how proud of you I am.
To all of you, each and every one of you have Blessed my life in one way or another. While I may not have always been the “best” Mother, I’ve tried my best. I am thankful for each of you, in different ways. But I want you all to know, I love each and every one of you.
Day 5, I am thankful for my Parents. I am 51 and still have both parents. A lot of people my age have lost one or both. I am Thankful that I still have the Farmer and Momma.
From all the memories I have growing up as a child, Thank you Dad! From all the memories I have after Momma came into the Family, thank you Momma!
To both of them, thank you for everything you have taught me, and continue to teach me.
To the Farmer, Thank you for being the BEST Dad, a girl could ever have, and thank you so much for the deep friendship that we share now. Although at times, it seems like role reversal, and me yelling at you for sneaking candy bars, and also for tracking on the floor, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
To Momma, while I wish you were your former self, without PD, I do see signs of you in there, particularly, your sense of humor, and the twinkling of your eyes.
Well, here it is Monday evening, and I’ve been flying under the radar. To be truthful, my outlaws have been here since Friday, and will be leaving Tuesday morning.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed them. Simply for the fact, when we all get together there is so much laughter, my sides hurt. We have outdone ourselves with meals. My MOL (Mother outlaw) and I have cooked together in my tiny little kitchen since Friday night together, and it has been a blast.
I will probably do a couple of episodes to this post, simply because there is just too much to tell in one shot.
Friday, I received a call from the Electrician, while I was at the Farmer’s, it was about 1:15, and I was in the middle of getting Momma up and bathed and dressed. He advised me that his parents were here, and what time would I be home. I told him 2:30. I finished getting Momma up, bathed and dressed, and gave her some meds, double checked everything I had done, and flew down the road.
I got home to see a strange car in my driveway, and came flying in the door to be told “sshhhh, Pa is sleeping”. I came downstairs and gave my Mol a huge hug, got a cup of coffee and sat down for one of those “chat sessions” her and I are famous for.
Time flew by, and we decided to get Dinner started. (Here is the back story for this one.) A couple of weeks ago the Electrician and I were watching Food Network, and a recipe came on (the program was The Best thing I ever Made), for spaghetti and meatballs. Well…we all know the Electrician loves spaghetti and meatballs, and so does my Fol. I printed off the recipe, made sure I had all the ingredients, and away we went.
My Mol and I followed the recipe to a T. After about the 2 hours of cooking time, her and I were laughing, because well…. The sauce, did NOT thicken like it was supposed to, and we had some really good tasting meatball soup going on. So, we strained off some of the liquid, and then made it our own, by adding this, that and everything else. Between the 2 of us, it was pretty darn good.
The Nursing student came over (Fisher dude was at work), and brought Cam-man who REALLY got the party started. The Nursing student had bought the garlic bread, and I threw it in the oven. Hey in my defense, I usually make my own, so I thought I followed the instructions. (Enter flashback of driving to the wedding here).
We put everything on the table, and took the bread out of the oven, who knew I was supposed to take it out of the foil and let it cook? Yea, apparently everyone but me. So, we ended up nuking it and it still came out ok. We scarfed most of it up, and gave the rest to a Tupperware container for the Fisher dude when he came home from work.
The first night was a success, and we all laughed so much (which usually happens when we get together). We went to bed, because we had a big day planned for Saturday….