Time Change and Scared laying it out there….

Well folks, with this time change my world has sufficiently been messed up.  The older I get, the more I notice.  Hmm…that doesn’t sound so good.

I had the best of intentions this morning when I woke up and looked at the clock.  (I have a habit of sleeping in on Sunday mornings.)  While the clock read 8:34am, I thought cool.  Uhm… head smack here, yea, I forgot to change all of our clocks last night while the Electrician and I played music and went down memory lane.  In fact it was 9:34 am with this spring forward stuff.

Well…now that my day was shot from the word go…I managed to drink some coffee and then I felt a little rebellious.  I have not had a day where I did not have to leave my house for a long time.  So, with that being said, (AND I am still a good daughter, pointing fingers to the Farmer). 

I decided I was gonna stay in my pajama’s all day and clean and read and just do absolutly NOTHING.  It’s been a long while since I’ve done that, and I know that the  days coming up are going to push me. 

I say that in the best way, simply because I’m a little nervous.  Momma is good, don’t get me wrong, but she is nowhere close to being where she was before this whole adventure started.  To put it simply, I’m scared.

I am not  a Nurse or a CNA, and while I realise that Momma is WAY BETTER OFF at home, it still scares me.  I don’t know how to give her meds to her, I know nothing about the feeding tube other than watching what has been done at the Nursing home,

I wrote down a list of questions today I have for the Dude at the Nursing home who said EVERYTHING would be taken care of, cuz honestly…..Uhm…with less than a week to go, it’s not. 

While I understand that the Farmer and I want Momma home, I’m concerned.  Maybe I’m just scared, maybe, it’s because the Electrician and I talked last night and he  agreed with me.  While Momma has made leaps and bounds with her progress,  there are still a lot of things that the Farmer and I do not know how to do.  This is a concern to me. 

I’ve learned how to change Momma’s pant’s (without throwing her legs in the air like Cam-Man) (sorry but it was funny in looking back),  I’ve learned how to roll her in the bed.  I’ve learned how to “properly” assist her in standing up.   Somethings I already KNOW how to do as I am her Caregiver along with the Farmer, and we know Momma and her moods, and other personal stuff.

BUT, her meds have changed, the way she takes her meds have changed, the way she eats has MAJORILY changed, uhm… I know that Parkinson’s has played a major roll in the game of life we are playing and I think that my not knowing things has scared me. 

I do know that if we eat or drink in front of Momma and she can’t, her Irish will be showing and it’s not gonna be pretty.Momma is “jonesing” for a cup of tea and pizza  so bad, she might just commit murder for one.  I don’t blame her, at all.  Hell it’s been since the middle of December since she has had one.   But at the same token, neither the Farmer nor I want to give her one because we are scared to death she might aspirate, and that could kill her. 

So basically, I feel I am between a rock and a hard place.  I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  But, I will get answers and when I feel better then maybe, the whole situation will get better.  To the Farmer, I’m sorry, but I have some valid questions to ask.  At the moment I feel…uhm…scared, because I know what we are looking at, but I want more teaching or something.  Because it’s not like it was before, and I don’t want to screw anything up by doing the wrong thing.

Simply because I want my Momma at home, but knowing how to deal with it, her, and the Parkinsons….and where we are at now.  I can only hope that the Farmer has realised where we are now.  It’s not like it was before, and I know this.  It’s going to be more taxing on both of us, (don’t get me wrong here folks, I UNDERSTAND)  I’m in this for the long haul.    I just worry about the Farmer and it might be too much for him.  He’s no spring chicken ya know.    You see, I love them both.  Because while I’ve been getting older so have they.



3 responses

  1. Oh, I can so relate to this because I’m caught between Son and Husband in much the same way.
    Also, I thought I had already subscribed to your blog ages ago because I clicked ‘follow’ but today I did it properly – sorry about that!

    1. Thank you for subscribing!

    2. I gain strength from you in your adventure, and although we are a world apart, thank you.

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