The past few days, I’ve been a little vague in my posts about Momma. There’s been some good days, and some bad.
I’m one of her primary Caregiver’s, the other primary Caregiver would be the Farmer (my Dad). We have 1 permanent lady that comes every evening and puts Momma to bed Monday through Friday. We have gone thru a lot of other weekend people. Hopefully, this following weekend we will have found a permanent week-end Caregiver.
The Farmer is tired of training new girls for them not to come back, so I picked up the slack the past few times, and now I’m tired of training new girls. Not to mention that on the weekends, Momma is terrified, because she does not know who is coming in to give her care. Hopefully that problem will be taken care of this week.
I guess I am a little heavy-hearted for several reasons. When I first started my blog talking about Momma and Parkinson’s, I met a whole bunch of people who are in similar situations. I read their blogs, and I feel each moment, either I’ve already been their or I am about there. (if that makes any sense).
But what I found, was that I was not alone. Right down to people with blogs that actually HAVE Parkinson’s.
A friend of mine wrote on her blog today:
“Parkinson’s disease is an absolute shit of a disease; it sucks all of the joy out, so that the laughing stuff is knifey, cynical, brave but hopeless.”
I can so relate to this sentence, it is unreal. I try to use laughter because as the Farmer tells me, you have to laugh, because otherwise we would be crying 24/7.
Another friend of mine, found out today her Dad is in the beginning stages of PD. My heart goes out, simply for the reason, I remember my thoughts when Momma was first diagnosed. If I knew then what I do now.
I’ve spent a lot of time researching the topic, and different stages, and the whole “shebang”. I have come to the conclusion and I am no expert, but there is no rhyme or reason for Parkinson’s, there is no cure, and it basically sucks some major Twinkies.
No two cases are the same, everyone responds with different medicine protocol, and progression rates are unknown, because every single case is different. While some things may be the same, for some unknown reason, each case is different.
For us, the dementia that sometimes accompanies Parkinson’s is revelalent in our house. There are times when Momma is normal, and can have a conversation, but then at the flip of a penny, she is somewhere else in a different time, and you never know. Not to mention that she “see’s” things, and we have to keep reminding her, that it is in her head and not real.
Like I said, I’m not an expert, I only know what I’ve dealt with. I have good days, and I have bad days. Most of the time, while in my heart, I know it is only going to get worse, I try to think positive. But sometimes, when I’ve had a few bad days with Momma, I loose it. Be it from playing music on You-Tube into the headphones, to crying myself to sleep, to having the Electrician just hold me.
Then I stop to think, if I feel like this I only hope that I am of some support to the Farmer. Because I know he has days just like I do.
Please don’t get me wrong in any way shape or form, this is NOT a pity party. This is real life, the way I am living it. AND, I know I am not alone, because there are a lot of other people dealing with and doing the same thing we are. I guess I just didn’t realize how many.