Be Careful what you say….

Camsgranny learned a very valuable lesson today.  A fellow blogger had asked a question, and after giving it sufficient thought I answered from the gutt, but with no actual experience.

I had first hand experience today, I think that was God‘s way of telling me “Be Careful in what you say or advise.”

My day started off normal, Ms. Baby woke my butt up at the crack of dawn, with a paw to my forehead.  I begged her for a few more minutes,  she graciously gave it to me.  I flew out of bed, and got busy with chores at my house today.  Laundry, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, cleaning out MY kitchen cabinets,  writing a grocery list, and everything else that I did, that I really can’t remember now.

I got some Spaghetti together for the Farmer, (Yes, that was dinner last night and I promised the Farmer, I would bring him some, especially since I had made meatballs).  I flew off down the road with my list in hand and my stops strategically plotted.

I arrived at the Farmer’s and dropped off the spaghetti with meatballs, and 2 bags of corn (yea, that was yesterdays corn wait for todays),   I went to the backdoor, (like I usually do), it was locked.  Uhm…ok, I walked around to the front door.  (Things on weekends are not what I am used to).  I breezed in and dropped off the “loot”.  Tracy and Dad and Momma were in the front room, I said HI to all of them and then put the stuff away I had brought, I went up to Momma to say “hello”, when she asked me “Do I know you”?

Ok, What the….nevermind what I actually said, I told her to look me in the eyes, and I asked her, “Do YOU know me?”  She looked me in the eyes for a good couple of minutes, and then a smile slowly lit up her face, when she replied “Yes, you are Joanne Dutch”. “Uhm Momma, I’m your daughter  do YOU remember me?”    It took a few moments, and then she grabbed my hand, and she held on tight.  Then we went through a difficult conversation for me, but we did it.

Apparently, Momma was not at all receptive to her weekend care this morning.  While Tracy is good with Momma ( and I’m not being full of myself here I am being truthful), Momma was thrown for a loop because it was not me that was there.     HOW do you deal with that?  To top that off, when I called this evening, the Farmer wasn’t to up, he’s tired.   He misses me on the weekends,   But at the same time, I do have a household to take care of besides theirs.  That last statement seemed harsh to me.

I am trying to find balance, because I am torn in a lot of different directions.  I love the Farmer with all of my heart, I love the Electrician with all of my heart, Momma there is no question….  My problem is trying to find a balance between all those I care about and at the same time trying to find time for me.

My time?  Uhm…ok, Camsgranny is going to confess, she may have overspent at the Grocery Store…  I don’t know why I do it, but I always seem to do it. When the Electrician balanced the checkbook, and we had 10 cents to spare…Hey I did good right?  hehehe…It’s not as bad as all that, but ok, I cut it close…..

I figure….This too shall pass right?

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5 responses

  1. what is the word? routine, yes this is it. Al likes routine, and i imagine your mama does too. i don’t dare move anything around in Al’s room as he gets to upset. the same with his showers. he knows who gives them and gets flusterd if someone else,even me gives them. i think when they are in dementia or alheizmers mode, routine is their safety. we can not always give to them as they wish, but i think this is why your mama acted this way. just a thought, from knowing Al so well

    1. You are so right Terry, I hate to admit, but yes, I have cried buckets today, maybe for me it’s a release day, I could not handle that “private” conversation Momma and I had today, Okay, my suggestion is that you n me and Jules, go on a cruise and forget all of it? Ok, maybe not possible, but damn, it’s a nice thought. Sorry, usually I am not so forlorn, but today got to me more than anyone knows., I’ll be okay tomorrow, after a lot of prayer and sleep.

      1. i WOULD go on the cruise with you two………….not even hesitating here. we can share together, stories, weep, laugh, and become sister spirits together.

  2. Me too (re the cruise!) Oh, Jo – these are such difficult times for you and you handle it all so well and, undoubtedly, it is taking its toll on you. One of the things I have had to do lately, in order to maintain sanity, is to actually deliberately harden my heart against Ants. I don’t know a better way of describing this and I realize this sounds awful. I am trying to work on a blog post to describe this properly.

  3. I’m glad that you are trying to remain in balance and even include some time for yourself in what has got to be an exhausting and stressful situation. May you learn much during these times!

    Russ

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