Strong…what is that?

Okay, I am stronger than that…. For me to spend a day in tears is not right.  Sorry to the Farmer but this is your daughter and she is fighting oh so hard.

What am I fighting for?  I am fighting for the woman you married, and brought into my life, the Woman who looked at me and said “Yup, I will accept her as my daughter, even thou I did not give birth to her, but she’s a cutie and I accept her”

Who told you bring her home, when she knew what I was dealing with, Sorry to the Farmer,  Momma knew,  she loved me even then.

Momma and I have private conversations all the time.  I understand them, so does she.    Todays conversation blew my shit right out of the water…When she said to me “Joanne Dutch”…  I went back right there to it.  You see I was in a marraige that was very abusive, I’ve never said anything until now because I have 2 kids by that  alliance.  And since then, their Daddy comitted suicide.  I have always thought, that if I never said anything bad about their Daddy then it was all good.

Momma lived that with me today….PDD is a blessing and a curse at the same time.  Simply for the fact she is re-living MY life and making me see what happened.  Like I have said I have cried buckets today, but ya know what…

I’ve lived it, survived it and I have a wonderful man in the Electrician who takes care of me and makes sure I’m ok….


3 responses

  1. I am so proud of you. it was alright to cry, it made you stronger. i used to cry over anything, but since daddy died almost five years ago, i have cried once, and that was last week. i need to cry more. i need to grieve the loss of my dad, and i need to accept the fact that change is inevitable. you are quite the woman, and i am the one who has been honored to meet you. so looking forward to fall!

  2. Oh I see why that private conversation would have been so shattering. You and Terry amaze me with your strength in not crying – hell, I cry every day and sometimes can’t stop.

  3. Sorry you had such a tough day! Now I better understand the extrea importance of breakfast in bed etc, from a later post. Good for your Electrician, and good for you!


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