Ok, I am about to out myself.  I just posted a post about shoes, but to be truthful, I am kind of upset about today.

My day started off early after a VERY late night.  I stayed up chatting with a couple of really good friends.    I knew I had to get up early to go over and give the Farmer a little break and let him sleep in.  But I was having fun chatting, so..

Anyway, I drove over to the Farmer’s at o’dark thirty this morning, and snuck into the house very quietly.  I mixed up Momma‘s meds, and then went in, took her temperature (which the Farmer does every morning), and then listened to her feeding tube on the stethoscope (which the Farmer does every morning), and then proceeded to give her Med’s and a feeding and flush with water.  Momma never woke up.

I came out and cleaned all of the paraphernalia, and went ahead and made up her next round of meds, grabbed a cup of coffee went into the front room and turned on the t.v.   I was surrounded by the cats, both of them looking at me like something was wrong, because the beloved Farmer was not there to give them treats or pet them which I guess is the normal routine.  I gave in and gave them both treats and petted both of them.

The Farmer surfaced a little while later, and I washed his sheets for his bed, and made us some breakfast.  The Farmer was a in a cleaning mood, and went into the “forbidden territory of his den” and proceeded to start cleaning.

We chatted for a bit and then the Farmer took off and ran some errands, and I went in and changed Momma’s bed stuff and got her dry again, and uhm, she never woke up.  I rolled her all over the bed, and she snored through it.

I had plans today, and so when I finished the cleaning I was doing and re-make the Farmer’s bed with clean sheets, put Momma’s stuff in the dryer, I went in and got ready to cut her toenails.  I had the Farmer, smother her toes in vaseline last night and cover her feet with socks, so I could cut her toenails today without that much trouble.

Let me just insert here, a person with Parkinson’s has problems with their feet, and toenails.    Momma’s feet have distorted and are oddly shaped now, and her toenails are, I can’t even begin to describe them.  I use pedicure scissors to cut her toenails and then a device like a sander to get them totally cut back.  The nails grow funky and sometimes if I leave it to long they grow back into her toes.  It’s not pretty and it hampers her walking.

I cut and sanded her toenails, in the bed, while she was sleeping.  When that job was done, I went ahead and gave her a manicure too, while she slept.

My next adventure was to wake her up and wash her hair.  I did get her to wake up for that simply because I had to re-position her in the bed, and she woke up long enough to hear my game plan, and be moved.  However, once I had her hair wet and then was in the process of giving her a really good head massage, I heard her snore.  I woke her up to rinse and then gave her a bath and then she cooperated by waking up long enough to get dressed and I put her on the toilet.

She did her events and then I finished getting her up, but I think I embarrassed her, and for that I truly feel horrible.  You see, when a person sits or lays 24/7 there is going to be some breakdown of her posterior skin.  While Momma had some sores, they have all healed up, but she does have some breakdown in her skin.

The Farmer ordered some special thing for her chair today that will be here tomorrow, because Momma has complained her bum hurts.  I saw why today.  Unfortunately, I pointed it out to the Farmer, and I think Momma got embarrassed.

When we got her to her chair, and I went to get her mouth swab, when I gave it to her she was crying.  Folks, Momma does not cry, EVER.    When I asked her why she was crying, she mumbled something, and I asked her again, what was wrong.  The look she gave me made me want to bust into tears.  She told me not to worry about her, she was ok.  That’s when I got a little fierce, and told her, I was worried about her because I love her, and I wanted to help anyway I can.

I walked away and went and told the Farmer, Momma needed some Farmer time.  I wasn’t sure what I had done, but she was upset.    I finished everything up, and then told Momma, that Beth would be there to get her up in the morning, and I would be there tomorrow night to put her to bed.  When I left, I gave her a kiss and then the Farmer.  As I was leaving and walking by her, she grabbed my hand and told me, “Thank you for everything, I really do love you Jo”.

I cried all the way home.  I’m not sure why, I don’t know if I did something to upset her, or if she was just upset, Parkinson’s screws with people’s minds so much, sometimes it’s hard to keep up.  Smiling and laughing one minute and crying the next.

I do understand about the dignity or lack of with Parkinson’s, I truly hate that.  I do understand from her perspective how demeaning it could be when you must have your daughter wipe your butt, and be worried about the breakdown of your skin.

I’ve come to the conclusion, that Parkinson’s truly sucks the green twinkies, and that sometimes, even when it feels uncomfortable, for all involved, you still have to take care of the person who needs taking care of, and while your feelings may get hurt by something unknown, put yourself into their shoes, and then it makes it so painful, I can understand the tears.  The funny thing is we are crying about the same thing.



2 responses

  1. ripping my heart apart due to i am hurting for and with you and because i can relate too darn well with a lot of what you are saying. We deal with this problem of the toenails with Al also and lack of feeling in the feet. i am sorry that you were up so late last night chatting. It must have been a good conversation!!!

  2. This would have been so upsetting because she doesn’t usually cry. Anthony doesn’t either and I think it would devastate me if he did. Oh Jo – I feel for you so much.

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