I read a blog post tonite that has truly hit me in the gut and made me accept a few things. So, in true Camsgranny fashion, I am also writing a letter.
While I know the past few days you have felt like you are on a roller coaster, maybe you need to accept that you are. This Holiday season is a first for you.
You have so many scary memories of the last Holiday season, and you need to accept the fact you are scared. It doesn’t help you that your Momma has said, she gets emotional over the Christmas holiday, and that she has told you she is planning to leave you this Christmas season.
While your memories flood back to you from last year, when you actually “lost” your Momma and the fact that the Doctor’s and Nurses brought her back to you. You need to quit being a scaredy cat, and recognize every day is a gift.
You need to quit walking on eggshells and live your life, and quit worrying. While I understand that it gets harder and harder everyday to go take care of her, when you see that she is slowly going away, cherish what time you have with her.
Giggle those giggles, belly laugh when you both need to. Wipe her tears when she needs it, wipe her drool away when she needs it. Comfort her when she is confused, and let her be herself.
She loves you, oh so much, and that is why she tells you daily, she is Blessed by you, and lucky to have you. While I understand, you tell her, You are lucky to have her.
While I understand your frustration, and that being a Caregiver is hard. It is something you feel the need to do. It won’t be forever, and there will come a day, when you will feel Blessed to have all these moments and also to have spent the time you did.
So to myself, I say this, Girl, you got this and quit looking behind and start looking forward, and just take one day at a time. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today? well, it’s a present.