Whew…what a day….

Camsgranny is tired, ya’ll have no idea.  Well some of you may.  I feel like I have lived a lifetime today.   I’ve been up, I’ve been down, I’ve felt good and I’ve felt bad.

I have come to the point in this journey that I have done something called, acceptance.  It’s not an easy word to write nor accept.   I have had long talks this past week with Caregiver Beth, and Dad.  Neither of them made me feel any better.  I also had a long talk with Momma today.    That did not make me feel any better either.
I am not trying to “borrow” trouble so to speak, but I Know what’s coming.

This past week has been filled with trials and tribulations.  Folks to put it bluntly, we are scared.  Well to clarify that statement, the Farmer and Caregiver Beth are scared.    You see, this past week, Momma showed Caregiver Beth and the Farmer something I deal with on a daily basis.

Momma cannot swallow.  period, end of sentence.  I have researched the topic in-depth GREATLY.    When a Parkinson’s‘ patient gets to Stage 5, it’s all kinds of trouble and nasty things that the family has to scramble to make right.  But you have to realize “YOU” cannot make it right.

The only thing to do at this point is to make her comfortable, happy, and go with the flow.   I really am not trying to be depressing at this point, I am just letting y’all know it’s nasty in my world right now.

Caregiver Beth see’s it and is scared, The Farmer see’s it and does not want to acknowledge it.  I understand both reactions.   I guess that’s why, I am the strong one so to speak.  I see it, I understand it ( to a degree),   I’m not happy about it, but I also understand what we have to do at this time..

This is Momma’s time, we make her comfortable and make her smile, giggle or whatever, Momma is scared too, of the unknown.  One of the things that stands out in my mind today, is something Momma told me.   “Thank you, for everything, you have made me happy in more ways than you know, and I love you daughter, just like you were my own.”

I am her own, because I was the only daughter she would have in her life, and she is my Momma.  While I may be torn up inside, I know, that everything I do to help her through her journey, is only to let her know she is loved, and  if I can bring A GIGGLE to her face, and let her know she is loved, then it is all worth it to me.

Parkinson‘s totally sucks some green Twinkies.  I say this, because MY Momma will always be the woman she was, not what Parkinson’s has turned her into, but what I remember in my mind, of all of the things we have had.

Today with Momma was a good day, she knew who I was, and responded to me, in true Momma style.    It’s not going to get any better, and I know this, she’s going downhill, and I know this also.

But ya know what?  It’s our journey, and we will do whatever it takes.



3 responses

  1. It is so terribly hard and my heart goes out to you all. Ants can still swallow but food has to be mushed now. I hate this disease.

  2. you are so strong and I am so proud of my my friend

  3. You do have su.ch amazing inner-strength. I thank you for your honesty even when its painful. I’m learning and its helping me to prepare. Sending you ((hugs))and lots of “e-motional” support. Prayers are with you all.

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