Attitude, and then some….

I have noticed lately, that Momma has some “tude“.  Some of it is good, some, not so good.    While I understand, that Momma is not “Momma” in a sense, we are trying to find a balance that works.

To the Farmer, before I get into this, I’m sorry if I have “broken” our code, but sometimes, you need to share with other’s, things that you are dealing with, for other’s that are dealing with this thing called Parkinson’s.

I’ve been reluctant to talk about it, because we are dealing with “new things”, and we are still trying to find our own way through this thing called Parkinson’s.  But I had kind of moment today, call it frustration, call it AHA, call it, someone please explain this to me, or just one of those over all moments, when you facepalm your head and say, What the Heck.

I have to back up the trolley for a second and let you all in on yesterday.  We changed up Momma’s schedule yesterday, and while we thought it would not make a difference, it did.    We got Momma up an hour earlier than usual, and put her to bed earlier than usual.  It wasn’t  a major problem, other than we had to use the wheelchair all day yesterday.  Yes, I lifted Momma myself ( my back will tell you I did)  (Something about a little 4’11” roughly 115lb girl lifting her 5’7″ 138lb Momma).  Momma did not walk yesterday, she tried, but it wasn’t gonna happen.  Momma had a good day of sleep yesterday.

Today, Cam-man and I went in and visited with Momma a few times before we got her up.  Imagine my surprise when I went into give her, her meds, and I told her “Good Morning Sunshine girl, how is my Momma today?”, she replied with “Good Morning darling, not to bad.”.  All the while Cam-Man is pointing to Momma and asking me, That’s your Momma Jo?”  Yes, Cam-Man it is.  He smiled and grabbed her hand and then carried on a conversation with Momma, to which only he and her understood, because I was looking at both of them like “Uh, what????”.

When it came time to get Momma up, she was full of giggles and “back to normal”, after her bath, the Farmer was on the phone with one of his buddies from a long time ago, and it was one of those “Oh Shit” conversations. (plain english, one of his and momma’s friends had died)

Since the Farmer was on the phone, I decided not to disturb him, and put Momma on her porta potty by myself. While it may have taken me 2 tries, we did it.  Momma latched onto me like I was the last person on earth.  Cam-Man was there telling Momma, “You do it with Jo okay?”.

When the Farmer arrived, Cam-Man and Momma and me were giggling over our attempts, but when she heard the news of her friend passing, she withdrew, completely.  From there it was a very hard attempt by Momma to WALK into the other room with all of our help.

MY Momma is in there, trust me, I know this.  While Parkinson’s does what ever it does, she’s in there.  Today, was a rare glimpse into that.  I saw her fight to walk, even after I had asked her about the wheelchair, and she looked at me with spit drooling out of her mouth, because she cannot swallow  I gave her a cloth and she spit it out, and told me, I WILL  WALK into the other room.  And folks, she did.

Wherever her mind is at, I don’t know.  She see’s things that are not there, she HURTS everywhere, and sleeps probably 22 hours out of a 24 hour day.  But that hour  or so she is awake, sometimes is hell on wheels.

Cam-Man summed it up today, when we left the Farmer’s house.  I always tell him to give the Farmer and Momma loving before we leave.  Today, Momma was not quite herself, but Cam-man gave the Farmer a hug and a kiss and told him, I’ll be back.  Then went up to Momma and grabbed her hand and kissed it, and looked into her eyes, and said, “I Wove you, I’ll be back, be here ok?”

After reading this, it might sound pathetic, but ya know what?  It’s Parkinson’s, and we are dealing with it.  We are fighters here, and even Momma is still fighting.  I can only hope I can show the grace, love and dignity, when this disease robs you of all it.   Momma still has all of those.

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One response

  1. moonflowerstorying | Reply

    I am about to go into town to see Ants – your post made me cry but gave me courage. I admire you so much, Jo.

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