While I have been living life ( by the seat of my pants) , lately. I have had so many Good days, that I kind of forgot about the bad ones. Things have been so jam-packed full of adventure lately, in other areas of my life, that I have kind of pushed all those PD feelings to the background, and really have not thought about them much.
Can I just say, while others of you are shaking your head, and saying “That’s not a healthy approach to the situation”, it HAD been working for me. Up until today. I’ve been busy folks, between this and that, I haven’t really had time to do things that I normally do. I found a little time out of my day today to realize, Sometimes when I am the happiest, is when I am not focusing on Momma and the PD.
Ok, I said it. Blast me for being an ungrateful daughter, but I have learned some lessons with this thing called Parkinson’s. Momma has it, I don’t. There I said it. I feel guilty when I have so much joy in my life, and then I come back to Momma, because with Momma, there is no joy. Yes, there are certain moments that amount to it, but they are few and far between.
Somewhere along the line, I got so caught up in Momma’s Parkinson‘s, that I forgot to truly enjoy life and all of its Blessings. I was so worried about, how she was feeling, what she is dealing with, has she “pooped” today, does she have a temperature, why is she doing “x, y, z”, is she going to die? That I stopped living for myself, and focused my whole being on her. THAT is not healthy, for me, nor anyone around me.
What I have learned in the last few days (THANK YOU Cam-Man), is life does go on, no matter what. Life doesn’t stop because Momma is having a bad day, I have learned to deal with it, and adjust, whatever I can to make her feel better.
Parkinson’s is a crazy disease, that a bunch of people are affected with. It is different from one person to the next, there is no cure. period. What I Have learned, is we make do with what we have and what we know, and if we don’t know, then we fly by the seat of our pants.
Momma, has actually had some really good days lately. We have new issues that we deal with daily, But ya know what? If I go back to that saying, “God will never give me more than I can handle”, and goodness knows I can lift a semi truck by myself at this time, it’s ok. I’m not on this road alone, I have a BUNCH of peeps at my side, who will help me IF I need it.
Sometimes as Caregivers, we get lost in the giving of care. It is SO important, to remember, YOU are an individual, who is dealing with the “disease” as well, maybe not as intense as the person who has it, but you still give care. I lost myself for a while, but guess what? I’M back……
The road is bumpy and filled with pot holes, you just have to learn how to manuever through them. It is so easy to get caught up with the “drama” and the feelings, but you truly have to look at your own feelings through this journey, and trust me when I say journey, because it is.
I’ve learned so much, and given so much, and received so much. Words could not even begin to describe it. I’ve learned some very hard lessons for me lately. They were a long time in coming, but I’ve learned them. I’ve always told y’all that I was on this journey for a reason, I’m just starting to figure it out.
Today was a very good day, in all aspects of it, and I told the Electrician this, and then went on to say something else, but he cut me off, because he told me, “Quit looking for trouble, accept what you have and go with it, because if you say something silly, it will happen”. He’s right.
I’m sorry but a song just popped in to my head, and call me silly if you want to but it is Doris Day singing ‘Que Serra Serra…”.
Life is good at Camsgranny’s house. I won’t say anymore.