I think some one has hit the fast forward button on my life at the moment. Sometimes, I don’t know if I am coming or going, if I’ve already been there, or if I have yet to get there.
Today, was another long day for me, and I have one more and then, gasp, I may have a whole day to MYSELF, and just enjoy the heck out of it. Ok, for those of you that know me, you are already laughing KNOWING, it won’t go that way, but a girl can hope can’t she?
Please, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do. I take care of my Dad and my Momma and my Grandson too, but sometimes, I feel overwhelmed, and see things going by at a rapid rate. I like to slow down and at least enjoy the moments.
I had to laugh at one part of today. Cam and I were on the way to Papa Dan’s, and now that Cam has started “driving” so to speak, he wanted to know where we were. He pointed out to me the “Watter” and also he knew where the cows were. But he got confused because we went the back roads, country way instead of through town. He made me giggle, when he constantly asked me “Jo? Corn or beans?” After explaining to him the difference and what they looked like, I let it go. But on the way home, he pointed out to me the difference between the corn and beans, and I simply had to giggle. Little Dude is only 3 now, and he is learning. (I will expand on the statement about my 3-year-old grandson driving on another post.)
After dropping Cam-Man off at his Momma’s and visiting for a bit. I have to digress for a minute and have to say, the Nurse came over and had coffee with me yesterday morning, before I went to Papa Dan’s and I so enjoyed, just sitting on the back porch, chatting , watching Cam in the Sand box, and just peace all around us.
I seem like I am all over the map, but that is because my mind is going 1000 miles an hour and I am trying to grasp everything. Could someone just please push the pause button.
Ok, back on track. When I went back to Papa Dan’s tonite, Momma was just pure joy to be around. She did everything she was supposed to and arrived in her bed, with giggles. Somewhere along the line, she got upset. When I came back after dumping her trash, she was in tears, and when I asked her what was the matter, she asked me “Did I get you into trouble?” “Uhm, No Momma, it’s me Jo”. She looked at me and then went on with some story her mind had made, and thought she had gotten me into trouble. After a few more minutes of talking to her, she looked at me, and said “I remember you, you are my daughter right?”, “Yes, Momma, I am your daughter, Joanne”. With everything right in her world again, she calmed down, and held my hand and kissed me and went to sleep. It’s moments like that I want to pause, soak up each thing, and remember. For a few minutes, she was herself, and was okay.
I have to be able to find a few minutes each day to take out for myself, because to be honest, I feel thin.
Sometimes, I have learned with Caregiving, and I am not just a Caregiver to Momma, I am with my Dad, my Grandson, and to my husband, and the rest of my family, sometimes, I would just like to sneak away and have a few moments, where I don’t have to worry about nothing.
The Nurse asked me today, “When do you have a minute for yourself?”, and that started me thinking. Maybe, I need to start taking minutes for myself. I think I have found my answer. I love music. If I can have a couple of minutes, with earphones in my ear, and no one watching, I’m gonna start shaking my butt, with earphones, and let loose.
So…if your hear on the news tonite, that some 51-year-old woman is shaking her groove thing, with earphones in her ear, and the house blows down because of shaking, ask yourself, Was this Camsgranny’s house? Yup, it could be…..:)