Sometimes, when you have dealt with something for so long, the days just melt into each other. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some days just stand out. Sometimes, you just get up and deal with the day, as normal. But sometimes days are not normal, they are unique. I don’t know everything, trust me here. I am basically flying by the seat of my pants.
While today started out normal, it changed into a unique day for me. Not much was out of the normal scope, but I have learned to adapt. I’ve learned to look for the little things, and find something special about every day.
I am Blessed by the amount of friends that I have and the amount of support I have. When I look at my situation, I have come to the conclusion, I can either wallow in self-pity, or I can look at everything with different eyes, and learn to cherish things.
My Momma is Stage 5 Parkinson’s and it ain’t pretty in any way shape or form. I’m learning that sometimes, the best times are the worst. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not promoting bad times, I’m simply saying that this is a debilitating disease, but I have learned strength, and grace. I have learned this through my Momma, who has shown, while this disease is robbing her of some of life’s most important things, she has shown me Grace in accepting them. She has shown me strength by trying with everything she is to over come them and still find a moment to giggle at circumstance.
God gave Momma to me, and I’m still trying to figure it out, but I would not ever turn my back on this journey. She is teaching me so much, and I am teaching her at the same time. She has learned my voice, (after 32 years, you would think we both would figure out, God gave us to each other for a reason). She gets upset at so much these days, and between Dad and I, she calms down.
When I get her up and bath her and then Dad comes in, her face lights up when he says ‘Hi”. then the conversation turns to the 3 of us. My heart is Blessed so much and there are times I could just lose it, simply for the love in the room.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but to know that I have God on my side, and also, the support of all of my family and friends makes it bearable. When God wants to bring Momma home, so be it. I can only hope her days on earth have brought her happiness and comfort.
For me? My journey still continues….there is so much I thought I knew, that I didn’t. I’m still learning. The lesson’s still continue, and I have an open mind and heart.
Sometimes, the hardest lessons hurt the most…..