I know I have been gone for a bit, but I have been trying new adventures, and trying to become myself again. I never understood, how totally immersed I was in being in the Parkinson’s world. I am learning how to be the “daughter” again instead of the “caregiver“.
My usual routine has dramatically changed, and I am becoming accustomed to just being able to do regular things. It is a little strange to me, and I’ve had some moments.
I’ve been spending ALOT of time with a little certain someone.
This little kid, rocks my world. He is so full of life, and asks a million and one questions, that he keeps me on my toes.
I took myself on a little retreat last weekend. I left town, armed with a swimsuit, and some clothes, and went about 2 hours away and checked into a hotel room. I did a bunch of reflecting, sleeping and swimming in the pool. My girlfriend and her family arrived the next day, so we had fun, walking all over the town and just goofing off. I came back from the weekend, with a new attitude, and a feeling of being relaxed and in control of my thoughts.
I do not feel as stressed and desperate as i did. I have done some things in the past few weeks, that I never thought I would do. I now walk/jog every evening, and am watching my diet (well, eating and watching what I eat, while I eat it.) I’ve gone on some adventures.
I actually went to the Circus, with little dude and his Momma. I do have to say, the last Circus I went to was in Russia, when I was 16, and while this was nothing compared to that, I found enjoyment in the awe on little dude’s face.
My days have been busy, and I have gone to visit with the Farmer and Momma. It is strange sometimes, to not take care of her, but we seem to have a bunch of conversations, and true joy now when we get together. I don’t get the anxiety, nor the desperation feeling. I do not leave the house in tears, I now leave the house laughing and enjoying the time.
For me? It is nice to go back to being the daughter of a Parkinson’s Momma, and not the Caregiver of a Parkinson’s Momma. It took the Farmer a little bit of time to understand this. While I may have been an excellent caregiver, the price was to high for me.
I am glad, I am slowly becoming me again. It is taking some time, but I am on my way back!
Until next time, take time to smell the flowers and laugh and giggle as much as you can. Oh yea, smile at a stranger, it might make their day, and you will feel better too!