Hey y;all, I really have not dissappeared. I am still here. I have just been wrapped up in my own life and not able to blog about it.
Sometimes things happen that we have no explanation for, nor at the time can we understand it. Sometimes, we need to take a few steps back and re-evaluate what we are dealing with. Also what we can handle and we cannot handle.
I have learned some very hard lessons over the past few months. I have learned, I can have boundaries, I’ve learned that I am not a super woman, nor an extreme Caregiver.
I learned the hard way that while my heart was in the right place, I could not do what was expected of me. The worse Momma got, the bigger my heartache became, and I choose to turn into shut down mode for myself. I shut myself off from everything I held near and dear to me.
I became so consumed with Momma that I forgot about everyone else in my life. They have suffered and so have I. It took extreme measures for me to wake up. I will not go into detail, simply because it hit me hard.
I never expected to be in the role of Caregiver in the first place. I thought I could handle it…..Guess what? Nope. I harmed myself more than I knew. I have taken 4 months off and tried to find myself and what my priorities were. I have re-evaluated my whole life and struggled hard on a bunch of things.
Well kids I wrote this in January, it is now the middle of March and i am just getting round to posting it. I have lived a lifetime in the months I have been gone. I am now divorced, and still a Caregiver in a way.
Momma is still here, barely. We now have hospice which comes to visit, and we have 3 Caregivers that help with Momma. I can no longer do it and have since gotten a full-time job at some place else. I am still Momma’s legal guardian, and make decisions daily on her care.
I never thought my life would turn out this way, but ya know what? I have help, I believe in my faith and I guess I am where I am supposed to be.