Hey Y’all……howzitgoing? Update…..

00Hey Ya’ll, howzitgoing?  I have been gone from the blogosphere for awhile now.  So many things have happened in my life, that it is truly a wonder.  Gotten divorced and then remarried to the same man, once our “hurts” and “anger” had subsided.  Gotten a job and “blossemed” so to speak.   But I am still Momma’s daughter and living with Parkinsons.

Things have changed so much in my life, when I look at previous posts and I see the niavete’ and then the hope, I know I was a known knowing person.  I feel so much older and wiser now.  I cannot explain it and this is not a post, where I will bash parkinson’s Disease, although I want to, I won’t.

Momma got the word she had Parks about 15 years ago.  All of the reading and researching could never bring me to the point I am at now.  How did we get here?  Parkinson’s is a mean disease.  It brings loss of all control of a person, and also in our case, all loss of control of the mind, because Momma suffers from PDD, aka Parkinsons Disease Dementia .  I tried my best to be her sole Caregiver for many years, until I got to the point that I lost myself, and pretty much all of my family.  I was filled with a need to “cure” something that could not be cured.  I also had tunnel vision.  I guess that is because I am that type of person, when I do something, I give it my all, and forget everyone else.  Although in this instance, I lost a bunch.

I have since regained a bunch, but I have never regained Momma.  There is no cure and no it is at the point where it is so painful just to see what this Disease has done to a fun life loving person.

My Momma is my Hero.  I have never seen first hand someone fight this hard .  If you have never seen someone with this Disease, I hope you never do.  My fine grand Momma is a very strict and proper English Lady.  To see her reduced to what she is, is definatly heartbreaking on so many levels.

I started this post back in October…..I used to blog every night, when I could share what was in my world and thoughts.  It became to hard for me to share my journey, simply bcause it was a seriously rough road.  I kept so many things to myself, and not shared with anyone.  I realized that I had to share them with someone or some “ones” or I would implode.

I married my Best friend again…..we got lost somewhere but luckily found each other again.  I opened myself up and told what I was feeling deep inside me.  This journey has tought me a bunch.  I am not super woman, and I cannot do it all.  Parkinson’s is a horrible disease, and there is no cure.  I have learned to accept that and deal with it.

The thing I did not count on, was how much it would hurt at the end.  I have braced myself, and “prepared” myself for the end.   But there is no preparing for the hurt and loss I feel.  Do not get me wrong here folks, please.  I am happy that there is no more pain or suffereing, I am not happy about loosing my Momma.  I have plenty of “good” memories, and I know she is with me.  But I feel a hole in my heart right now.

I guess I just wanted ya’ll to know how my journey has ended.  It has, and I am dealing with it the best that I can.  For anyone with Parkinson’s my heart goes out to you, for families of Parkinson’s peeps, my heart goes out.  This is truly a horrible disease and my hope is if not a cure then something to help, because I am truly a Parkinson’s patient daughter who has lived it, dealt with it, and truly hates it.

To My Momma:

Margaret Ann Burwash  4/17/44 – 11-24-14,  I love you Momma, I have fought by your side, and I have been astonished, and amazed at your courage, and your will to fight.  You did that with Grace, and honor, and courage.  You fought a good fight, and the angels came to take you home, simply to end your pain and suffering.  I will forever be your daughter, and the Farmer loves you with all his heart.  You leave behind a legacy, we will keep your memory alive and well.  You are and always will be my Momma, our hearts are forged together.  I love you and Rest in Peace my Guardian Angel.

4 responses

  1. letstalkaboutfamily | Reply

    My condolences. It is almost 4 years since I ooat my mom and I still miss her every day. We go on, but we are changed — older qnd wiser I guess. May God keep you in his care in the weeks and months ahead.

  2. letstalkaboutfamily | Reply

    Make that “lost my mom…” Darned ipad changes my words!

    1. know the feeling, trust me….I’ve made words up thanks to my phone… 🙂

  3. I felt for you … my heart felt your pain. I am glad to see you back. Gloria/Granny Gee

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