00Hey Ya’ll, howzitgoing? I have been gone from the blogosphere for awhile now. So many things have happened in my life, that it is truly a wonder. Gotten divorced and then remarried to the same man, once our “hurts” and “anger” had subsided. Gotten a job and “blossemed” so to speak. But I am still Momma’s daughter and living with Parkinsons.
Things have changed so much in my life, when I look at previous posts and I see the niavete’ and then the hope, I know I was a known knowing person. I feel so much older and wiser now. I cannot explain it and this is not a post, where I will bash parkinson’s Disease, although I want to, I won’t.
Momma got the word she had Parks about 15 years ago. All of the reading and researching could never bring me to the point I am at now. How did we get here? Parkinson’s is a mean disease. It brings loss of all control of a person, and also in our case, all loss of control of the mind, because Momma suffers from PDD, aka Parkinsons Disease Dementia . I tried my best to be her sole Caregiver for many years, until I got to the point that I lost myself, and pretty much all of my family. I was filled with a need to “cure” something that could not be cured. I also had tunnel vision. I guess that is because I am that type of person, when I do something, I give it my all, and forget everyone else. Although in this instance, I lost a bunch.
I have since regained a bunch, but I have never regained Momma. There is no cure and no it is at the point where it is so painful just to see what this Disease has done to a fun life loving person.
My Momma is my Hero. I have never seen first hand someone fight this hard . If you have never seen someone with this Disease, I hope you never do. My fine grand Momma is a very strict and proper English Lady. To see her reduced to what she is, is definatly heartbreaking on so many levels.
I started this post back in October…..I used to blog every night, when I could share what was in my world and thoughts. It became to hard for me to share my journey, simply bcause it was a seriously rough road. I kept so many things to myself, and not shared with anyone. I realized that I had to share them with someone or some “ones” or I would implode.
I married my Best friend again…..we got lost somewhere but luckily found each other again. I opened myself up and told what I was feeling deep inside me. This journey has tought me a bunch. I am not super woman, and I cannot do it all. Parkinson’s is a horrible disease, and there is no cure. I have learned to accept that and deal with it.
The thing I did not count on, was how much it would hurt at the end. I have braced myself, and “prepared” myself for the end. But there is no preparing for the hurt and loss I feel. Do not get me wrong here folks, please. I am happy that there is no more pain or suffereing, I am not happy about loosing my Momma. I have plenty of “good” memories, and I know she is with me. But I feel a hole in my heart right now.
I guess I just wanted ya’ll to know how my journey has ended. It has, and I am dealing with it the best that I can. For anyone with Parkinson’s my heart goes out to you, for families of Parkinson’s peeps, my heart goes out. This is truly a horrible disease and my hope is if not a cure then something to help, because I am truly a Parkinson’s patient daughter who has lived it, dealt with it, and truly hates it.
To My Momma:
Margaret Ann Burwash 4/17/44 – 11-24-14, I love you Momma, I have fought by your side, and I have been astonished, and amazed at your courage, and your will to fight. You did that with Grace, and honor, and courage. You fought a good fight, and the angels came to take you home, simply to end your pain and suffering. I will forever be your daughter, and the Farmer loves you with all his heart. You leave behind a legacy, we will keep your memory alive and well. You are and always will be my Momma, our hearts are forged together. I love you and Rest in Peace my Guardian Angel.