While I am writing this tonite, it all actually happened yesterday, but…yestersay was a VERY long day for me and I have still to recoup. I guess I’ll start, at the beginning…..
Yesterday, I woke up at o’dark thirty, and slugged back a half a cup of coffee and then flew down the road, to get Cam-man. His Momma had to work, and he was going to spend the day with me. Normally, when I arrive, Cam-man is still sleeping, and I have “play with Bella the dog time”. Wasn’t in the cards, Cam man opened up the door and was very happy to see me. I grabbed his clothes, and his “B” (blanket), and he was already in my car with his belt buckled. To tell you what he said to me “Hurry Jo, Papa leave for work, HONK HONK get out of our way, I gotta see Papa”.
We flew back to my house and made it with a few minutes to spare, and the “love fest” lasted for a few minutes, then Papa had to go on down the road, as Cam Man says “Papa goes to work to make the $$ for us”. I had to laugh, simply because I asked Cam, “Where’s your Daddy?” his response “At work making trains for $$”. “Cam, where’s your Mom?” “She’s at school?” “No, she is at work”, “Mom’s at work, making $$ for me”. I asked Cam, “Where’s Jo?” he looked at me like I had lost my mind, and said “Here with me silly”.
We already had a very active day planned. We got breakfast, and I think little dude was hungry, because when I asked him what he wanted, “Chocolate milk, and Papa’s cereal”. After polishing off a bowl of cereal, he wanted a bowl of oatmeal too.
We got busy and set out Papa’s clothes for his workday the next day, folded laundry, ran the vacuum cleaner, cleaned Cam’s room, and also cleaned the bathroom. We were done with all of our cleaning, and Cam looked at me in all seriousness of an almost 3-year-old and asked “Jo, we play outside now?”. Well….what do you say to that?
We had finished everything by about 8:45 am, so we went outside. Cam had set up his trucks to “catch” his life-size tennis ball, and we played with that for a bit, seeing if we could get it to roll into the trucks. The novelty of that wore off, and the true “boy” in Cam cam out when he grabbed his dump truck and went to his own dirt pile.
He is very concentrated in his efforts to fill up the dump truck and then empty it and then start all over. This kid truly enjoys being outside, and if the sun is shining, his philosophy is forget about being inside, let’s go outside. I don’t need t.v., I need my dirt, dump truck and I’m really happy with a John Deere tractor.
We got cleaned up (sort of), and headed on down the road to Papa Dan’s house. We went the back way, and saw cows, deer and tractors. Cam got a little confused at the way went at first but once we hit the river, he knew exactly where we were. I turned up the radio, and I secretly giggled, at the fact, Cam was singing to the radio. I’m not sure if he knew what the words were, but he was singing.
When we got to Papa Dan’s the first thing he asked was, “Papa Dan, you get your tractor out for me?”
Papa Dan is teaching Cam safety and told him, he could not go anywhere until he fastened his seat belt. Look at the concentration on his face. Cam was ready.
This one just cracked me up, because he was giving me his “I’m so happy” face.
While Papa Dan and Cam were having fun in the barn, I went in and got busy with Momma. Momma was in rare form today. She was happy and full of life and energy. I told her how nice it was outside and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk outside with Papa Dan, and Cam and I, and she was ready. She picked out her clothes, and after her bath, and stuff, she was ready.
We got her into the wheelchair and we all headed outside. Folks, this is the first time Momma has been outside in probably about 3 months. The fact she WANTED to go outside was a plus to me. The fact she ENJOYED being outside was even better. The fact that she had a GOOD time, did not get nervous or upset, is PRICELESS, to me.
While it may look like I have Momma in a head lock, I really don’t, if the picture had been taken a few seconds earlier, all three of us where holding hands.
This to me is a BEYOND PRICELESS day.
Yes, this was yesterday. Today, not so much, but ya know what? It’s ok. Everyday cannot be a “priceless day”, and with so many good one’s I knew a bad one was coming, but at the same token, it wasn’t that bad.
To cap the end of a very long week, that’s had it’s up’s and down’s, I’ll take every moment, because to me the memories are worth it. The fact I have them on film is even better. I haven’t shared all of those moment’s with ya’ll, but some things, are just to special to share.
I learned some lesson’s this week. But at the end of the day, I am Blessed by ALL of the people in my life. Thank you guys from me, to my family, to my friends, to my readers….
When I woke up this morning, I was still “flaming” after last night. I decided I would take charge and take care of all of those things I have neglected lately. Sometimes, I just have too much on the calendar, to take care of those little day-to-day things.
So, my feet hit the floor running, and I started a load of laundry, slugged back a couple of cups of coffee and got busy. Camsgranny, cleaned the entire house and did 4 loads of laundry (sheets and bedding stuff included), flipped mattresses around, and FINALLY put winter clothes away and went through summer clothes.
Apparently, something happened over the winter and that “full-bodied shampoo” I use, floated on down my body when I was rinsing, and well….somethings from last year just don’t fit anymore. It’s the shampoo, trust me!
The Electrician is all in a flutter about holding a garage sale. Our town holds an annual Garage sale town wide, and the date is rapidly approaching. Now to be truthful, I don’t “do’ garage sales, and this is all his puppy. I have been following him around the house when he grabs something and says ‘Yes, we can sell this”, and I follow tucking it into a cupboard. I have given in to some things, but well… I could secretly be a hoarder and don’t know it.
With my house cleaned and shiny, and groceries (that the Electrician bought) put away, we headed out to the Nurse’s house for a BBQ. We had a great time, with most of the family there, and then the Electrician did not feel well so we both came home. After a 2 hour nap, we are back up and at it.
We did let Ms. Baby out, and let her hang out on the porch, but when we heard all kinds of birds chirping and going off, we went outside. Apparently, Ms. Baby was stalking a baby bird and had it pinned between her paws (she has no front claws), every bird within a 2 mile radius was dive bombing her butt, and we got her to come inside, and hopefully the baby bird has made his escape. While I feel bad for the baby bird, I understand Ms. Baby’s instincts. She was a little forlorn and gave us extra loving, because her Daddy yelled at her.
My schedule is about to change, as the Nurse is now out for summer break, and Cam Man and I won’t be spending everyday together. That kind of makes me sad. I had to laugh today though, because when we were pulling up at the Nurse’s house, Cam saw his “Papa’s truck” before we had even turned the corner and had already started running. His Auntie Boo grabbed him, and he was all smiles when we got there. Of course the first few minutes were spent with Cam loving on his Papa, and then it was ‘Will you play with me Jo?”. We played and Papa pulled his truck up so Cam could hang out on the tailgate of Papa’s truck. Cam looked at me and asked “Papa Dan, he ok?” My heart kind of melted. I told him “Papa Dan is ok”, then he asked about Momma, it was so cute how he said it to me. “Jo?”, “Yes?” “Your Momma, she ok too?”. “Yes, Cam, she is ok too”.
His and mine schedule is changing, and I think we miss each other a bunch more than we ever thought we would. When I stopped by his house yesterday, he was knee-deep in mud and water and having a blast helping his parents get their yard into shape, but when I was ready to go, he went up to the Rav4 and was ready to go. It broke my heart, I couldn’t take him with me. Today, was another of the same story. When Papa and I had to leave, I had a little talk with him, and told him we were going home, and he had to stay and play with all the kids at his house, and to be a “big boy” and give us hugs and kisses and go play.
It worked, until we were in the truck and ready to go and then all hell broke loose, he came running and screaming up to the truck and clung to me, and said, “NO, I go with you and Papa”. Uncle Nate came and got him, and when we drove away Grandma Sue had him and he was waving with tears in his eyes.
What a Saturday…….I’ve also been helping a friend of mine with her journey with Parkinson’s, and trying to find ways for her to succeed in what she is doing. It’s a work in process, and still ongoing, but I will help, in any way I can.
While my mind is going 1000 miles an hour, and you can probably tell by this post, Welcome to my Saturday, Camgranny’s style….
Have you ever had a day when just too many things are going on, and you just wanna do nothing?
When you feel a grief inside, and cannot explain it, but you feel it all the same?
When you try, and nothing you seem to do can make things better?
When instead of feeling that things are ok, they are not?
When you worry about things, that are out of your control, and you know this, but you worry just the same?
When you become consumed by certain things, and some people just don’t seem to understand?
When people tell you, you have changed, and maybe you have, but they also do not walk in your shoes?
Sometimes, things just get out of control, and while you try your best to keep them in control, you may forget and allow somethings to fall to the side.
Sometimes, you need to realize, when you think you have it under control, you really don’t.
But the thing is, what would you do if you walked in my shoes?
Would you be as caring?
Would you spend your time giving something to someone else, that you love with all your heart?
Would you sacrifice some part of your life for another part of your life?
Sometimes, we do what we have to do, we do what we feel the need to do.
Maybe I have changed, but at the same token, if you walked in my shoes, would you do the same?
Sometimes it is just hard to be a Caregiver, and my family my suffer because of it, I am sorry for all of the things, I have failed to do. I am sorry if I have hurt any of my family members feelings, because I am a Caregiver.
Maybe I am being selfish, and I hope they can understand this. This is my Momma, While it is sometimes hard to comprehend, what lengths would you go to for your parents?
Sometimes there are too many emotions on this roller coaster, and I am trying to deal with all of them and still let my family know I love them with all of my heart.
Maybe I have lost a part of myself by doing this. But it is a part, that I would gladly give up, simply because of a love for my Momma. Because when this journey ends, I will have a life long of lasting memories of a woman, who loves me beyond all recognition and who at this time needs me, and wants me to be there.
I have been having a discussion with some ladies that I have known for about 34 years, if not longer. Let me back track just a bit, first off I am 4’11” tall, while everyone else grew up, well God must have thought I was the perfect size. Simply for the fact I topped out at age 14, and while everyone said I would have a “growth spurt“, the only one I’ve had is out, instead of up.
When I was younger, I used to wear heels ALL the time. Working in an office and wearing “fancy” clothes. Somewhere along the line, I got burned out with that office job and went for a career change. I decided I wanted to work in the food Industry.
I went from being a waitress, to cooking, Manager of a Restaurant, to becoming the donut maker, and then the Sandwich maker. All of that came to an end, when Momma became worse, and the Electrician let me make the change from the working world into Caregiver for Momma.
Now days, I get up, wash my face, brush my teeth and hair and throw on sweats in the winter, or shorts in the summer and my usual mode of shoe attire is flip-flops, or if I absolutely have to, UGG boots.
I entered into a lively discussion with these ladies, because I seriously still have love of shoes, I just don’t have that much opportunity to wear them. When the wedding came about, and I had to “dress up” and wear heels, these ladies showed me pictures of various shoes, and I fell in love with this certain pair.
My only problem, how the heck do you walk in them, much less dance or stay vertical in them? These ladies gave me lessons, and pointers. I practiced faithfully, but somehow, I had some “slippage” going on when I introduced the shoes to panty hose. (I don’t know about y’all, but panty hose suck.) The ladies had me covered though and I sent the Electrician out to get some “heel pads”. Whew success.
I was able to walk like a lady, and dance (a little) and I did not fall over like I thought I would. Plus the shoes added 5 inches to my 4’11” frame. So, while I had them on I was actually 5’4″ TALL!!!.
To tell you the truth though, there is too much oxygen at that level, so I was very happy to take them off and put them back into the shoe box, until the next time I need to “dress up” or maybe just to feel tall…