It’s been awhile since I last posted, please forgive me. I have been dealing with a bunch of personal issues. Some of them I am learning and growing from, and some I am just dealing with.
My biggest news today, is I have accomplished something I never thought I would. I actually participated in a 5K. Yes, a marathon. Now those of you who have followed me for a while, know I am not a “sporty” type. But part of my “new” thing, when I quit being Momma‘s Caregiver was to try to find “myself” again.
I started working out, lost a few (10 at the moment) pounds, and just kind of focused on me and MY well-being. I have a wonderful Coach, (whoever said that daughter’s could not be your best friend when no one else will be was crazy).
This was us this morning at o’dark thirty. We really did not talk last night about what time we would need to get up to be there. Here is confession time. I am living with this wonderful girl and her family for the moment.
THAT is another story in itself which is a little to personal to talk about at the moment, but suffice to say, The Electrician and I are “working” on our relationship and it is what it is.
But, as I am famous for, I digress. The Nurse and I have been “training” for this for about a month now. We take nightly walks, she pushes Cam-man in his stroller and I let Bella the dog ‘pull’ me around.
We arrived a little late this morning, as i had an e-mail from my favorite cousin to meet her. Uhm…we were late, and arrived as the prayer was being said, so the Nurse and I were in the tail end of the ‘group”.
With a total of 670 people, I did not think we would ever find my cousin. Guess what? 5 minutes into it, we found my beloved cousin, and the Nurse got to meet her and we walked for a bit, with her group. Somewhere along the line though, The Nurse and I got up to our speed and started passing peeps like there was no tomorrow. I have never been in a marathon before, but “sis” and I have walked for an hour all over our little town and we were kicking some butt.
We got hit with some “fairy dust” and got us motivated. We walked all over the little town of Bismarck, Illinois, and we had a blast. But I do have to admit something. I had talked to my Mother in law a couple of days ago, and she has always wanted to participate in an event such as this, so I told “sis” and we talked about her Grandma on the way, so my MIL and her Grandma was with us. I called her this afternoon and told her about it, and she giggled.
This would be me and my most favorite cousin in the world. I love this woman. This woman was my pen pal for so many years, and actually flew to England for my graduation, There is nothing I would not do for her, I am proud to call her my bestest friend through the years. (Plus, she got my butt motivated to do this.)
But to be honest, my inspiration and my rock, to give true credit where it is due is the one, who did not like me very much 20 years ago, but who has turned out to be my best friend and daughter, although I can not take credit for her birth, I can take credit for some, but I love this girl like no other. While she has had to deal with a bunch of stuff, like taking in her step-mother in and sharing her home with me, Thank you to my Nurse, today was a blast.
We did it Sissy. Thank you! To the Moon and back…..and as Cam-Man says….GO BULLSEYE!!!!
Have you ever had just one friend in your life, who is your go-to person? Someone who has known you the longest? As a military “brat”, who transformed into an Overseas “brat”, I made friends, but left them behind each time we moved. We moved a bunch too, until we arrived in England.
In the first 18 years of my life, I believe I lived in England the longest. If y’all follow my blog, then you know I went to a boarding school. To an only child it’s like having about 100 brothers and sisters, who have never left me.
I’ve been dealing with some personal stuff lately, with one of my kids. It has been a Mother’s nightmare. Just because a child grows up, and is 30 years old, when they come to be on a “suicide watch“, it is a very scary thing. This is not the first time with this son. Hopefully it will be last time. It is a very heartbreaking situation, and I am praying so gratefully for the outcome.
My son’s father committed suicide, and when my son gets overwhelmed, or in general just feels he has done so much wrong, and cannot be forgiven, and so far down in that pit of deep despair, he feels this is his only answer.
I have clawed, prayed and fought for him. He deserves it, and he is very loveable. But sometimes he makes very bad decisions. He knows right from wrong, and he is not a bad kid. Kind of like that saying ‘When I am bad, I’m bad, but when I am good, I am great. Good kid, wrong crowd, and BAM, trouble. (Uhm, bear with me I do have a point, but I am working my way to it ok?).
I have been on a roller coaster all weekend, this past weekend being Father’s Day, and stuff, and it hit my kid hard. I kind of felt guilty in a way that I was having so much fun, while he was in such despair.
I posted on Facebook to everyone I knew, to please pray for him. I started prayer chains all over the place. Friends of mine, started prayer chains for him to. People who did not even know him, prayed for him.
I breathed a sigh of relief today, after a pretty heartbreaking discussion ( might I just say, my kid is not in the same State as I, and is also in jail and our only contact is phone and letters), My son was crying and hung up on me. He was not happy with what I said. About five minutes later, he called again, and it was as if a light switch had went off in his head, and he told me “I get it Mom. I love you and Thank you for never giving up on me, I won’t be selfish anymore, I’ve made mistakes, and I get what you’re saying. Just please, do not ever give up on me, I’m ok now, I’ve got a lot to think about, especially what you have said. I would never hurt you for the world after all you have done for me, and I was not thinking about how what I would do, would affect you. You are right, there is more to this life than what I’ve done, and I am on the way up. After all, I’m in the bottom now, and like you said I can only go up from here. Thank you Mom. I Love you, ”
After typing this, it brings tears to my eyes, simply because I was fighting with all I am, for him. Now mind you, while I had this conversation with him, I was giving Momma a bath and washing her hair, and doing what I normally do. I finished up getting Momma up and doing all the stuff I do, and headed home.
When I walked in the door, the first thing I do is check my phone. I had 3 missed calls and 2 voice mails. After by-passing the missed calls I went to the voice mails. I started laughing, belly laughing at one of my voice mails. I couldn’t help it.
One of my “former” room-mates from about 35 years ago, had left me a voice mail, that I had to laugh over. I dialed up her number and spent the next (cough) (okay, I’m busting myself out) 1 1/2 hours on the phone with. Her and I giggled, talked about life, both of our stuff, and also the reality of our situations..
She told me, that whenever she reads something on Facebook that I put out there, I am real. (Well duh, it’s life and I’m dealin), but other’s put stuff out there to make them look perfect. We discussed a bunch of stuff and have figured out that no one is perfect, but we are ready to accept and deal with what we have.
I truly spent an enjoyable time this afternoon, and the Electrician was laughing at me, because when he arrived home (I was talking on the phone baking cookies and not really paying attention to anything but my phone call), he walked in and said ‘Uhm Hello?” When I came around the corner he asked me if I knew the Air conditioning was on and the house was opened wide up. Oops….Thanks P…..
I give serious Thanks to those peeps, and ALL of you, that have helped me make it through this weekend, with my son. But I have to give a special shout out to my girl “P”. Who knows me better than most, she knew when I was ready to talk, and talk we did.
To my friend P….HOLLA….girl I love you…To the Farmer…Thank YOU for all you have done, and once again…uhm…we got a phone bill. To the Electrician, just a quick HOLLA….you know what I mean. To my son, who will not read this until about 4 years from now, Your Momma loves you with all of her heart, and I hope and pray, it will be okay….
This would be all of the other women in my family, they were named the “crazy” bunch, but they sure did like to laugh…..
This would be me in my former life, with my boys and husband at the time…..Momma and the Farmer used to come and visit me twice a year, because they still lived in England, and they tried to see me as much as they could. I always cherished these visits, because it was so nice to have “normal” in a chaotic situation.
Momma and the Farmer used to like making puzzles and put stuff together, and one of the loves of their lives was “Toots“. The beloved cat, that met them while Momma and the Farmer stayed at the Glo Motel waiting for the house. Toot’s is a different blog post all together.
This is the Farmer, Momma and I the day I got married to my beloved Electrician. Momma was so into the wedding and getting the house ready, I got married in the living room with all of our children around us, and Momma and the Farmer too.
This is the Farmer and Momma not to long ago, okay…maybe 2 years. Momma was still herself, sort of.
I have a million pictures, and I could share them with all of you, but this is where I will end my memory lane for Momma’s birthday. I will say this, Parkinson’s is a horrible disease, it leaves you not knowing what is going to happen around the corner, cherishing every day you have, and Thanking God, that the person has been in my life and knowing HER.
I love my Momma, and I truly wish her a Happy Birthday, to cherishing the memory of her savoring the orange sherbet, I gave her on a spoon, to celebrate her birthday with. While I wish we could have had a party and truly celebrated in the style we are so used to, I will settle with Orange sherbet and her smile, which lights up my heart.
Day 18… I am Thankful for my LCHS family. Let me explain….I spent 3 1/2 years at a boarding school in High Wycombe, England. We were all kids, who came together, because our parents did a job overseas. Be it in the Military, or DOD, or for Airplane companies or whatever. We spent our Growing up years together. The School, which has since closed down, housed 5 day dormitory students, 7 day dormitory students and also day students. I was classed in the 5 day dormitory status. I got to go home on the weekends.
I lived with these people, for about 3 1/2 years. We all share a common bond, now that we are adults and have grown up and gone on with our lives. It doesn’t really matter, when you went to this school, we are all sisters and brothers. To try to explain the bond we all feel with each other is fruitless, because there is no explaining. It is just something we all feel.
To each and every one of you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know why I say this? Because if I were in trouble tomorrow, in any way shape or form, I could call anyone of these people and they would be there.
I am Thankful for ALL of you!!!
Apparently, I have been nominated for “The Silver Quill Blogger Award”, by Terry.
Terry’s has several WordPress sites, but I normally follow her at:
Terry is a wonderful Blogger, who writes with inspiration, and is not afraid, to let all of us into her world of dealing with her Brother, who has Parkinson’s Disease. Terry and I have actually become really good friend’s, and are going to catch up with each other in about two weeks time.
There are rules to follow with this as most awards, and the rules for this are.
To pay tribute to the one who nominated you, check!
To answer the following questions. check!
To nominate five others and let them know. ok, check!
1- Do you prefer rhyming or non-rhyming poetry? I like all poetry, however, I write more non-rhyming.
2- What’s your favorite Shakespeare Play? Well, I have a couple of favorites, Macbeth (because our Drama club put on this play), but I would have to say my all time favorite is A Midsummer Nights Dream. Having grown up in England, I have actually visited Shakespeare’s birthplace and other sites.
3- Who is your favourite author? I don’t actually have a favorite.
4- Name three people who you greatly admire. For me this is a hard one, I admire my Momma, for her courage. I admire my Dad for his compassion. There are a great many people who I admire, and I am having a hard time narrowing it down. So, I’m going to opt out with just 2 ok?
5- What’s your favourite album ever? Savage Garden – Affirmation. I love every single song on that one.
6- Which primary color do you most dislike? I actually like all of the primary colors.
Okie dokie, nomination time:
Thanks again Terry!!!!!
I am honored, by specific things in my life. I am an LCHS Graduate. I am one in a million kids that graduated from a High School located in High Wycombe, England.
I went to a Boarding School that also had day students (kids close enough to be bussed day in and day out) Others of us, we boarded, because we couldn’t make the trip in a couple of hours. Some of us came from Turkey, Switzerland, Germany, or other far nether regions. We were kids, that grew up together.
We were American students in another country that flocked together. We formed a bond, that I’m sorry, cannot be broken. I can call on any of the kids I went to school with, and ya know what? They will be there.
While we have all grown up, and taken lives turns, I still find today, we are all there for each other. The thing that amazes me, is that it doesn’t matter what year we graduated, or what class you were in, the fact that we all went to this school makes us family. One of my former class mates stated today, that we are Family. You know what, we are.
When one of us needs help, all of them are there. I am an only child, but NOT an only child. Because, I have a bunch of sisters and brothers who would be there if I need them.
I truly had a UNIQUE upbringing, because of ALL those I can call brother and sister. Thanks to each and every one of you. You are ALL special to me.
Today dawned, nice and sunny, with barely any wind. I went and scooped up Cam-Man as usual, and I let him in on a Secret. Today was his Great Grandma’s Birthday. He seemed kinda excited, and as soon as we got to the Farmer’s house, he strutted in as normal, and peeked at his Great G’ma (Momma) who was still sleeping.
I went in and did the normal morning thing with Momma, and then let her sleep for another hour before getting her up. Cam-Man, had decided (while I was cleaning Momma up), to look through the pantry and find what HE wanted for breakfast. So, upon entering the kitchen to Cam-Man having just about everything pulled OUT of the pantry, and came up to me holding a pack of Instant Peaches and Cream Oatmeal. I made his Oatmeal, while he was putting things back INTO the pantry. While Cam-Man was eating, I made the Farmer a breakfast sammich of ham cheese and egg, grilled.
I got the sink ready to wash all the dishes and Cam decided he had to earn his breakfast so….I let him go…Hey, if the kid wants to play in the water and wash dishes, Who am I to stop him? I was right there with him, and he’s figured out how to climb on this chair by himself, and has also figured out how NOT to fall off. By the way just to let you know, my little ham was saying cheese when took the picture.
Anyway, I went in and got Momma up, and dressed her into her new clothes,when all of a sudden, Cam-Man and the Farmer came in and folks WE ALL did therapy together this morning. It was a sight to see. I think Momma got a kick out of it, because she was a little slow starting this morning.
We made it into the front room, and the Farmer left to run some errands, and I went and threw the laundry in the washer, when I came back upstairs this is what I walked into. Cam-Man had his seat for “Word World” and he was watching…
Momma well she was watching too. Momma made the comment today, that she enjoys going through kindergarten again with Cam-Man and it’s funny to me that both of them try to “outdo” each other by yelling out letters. Cam and Momma both sing the ABC song together and it makes my heart melt, because while Cam cannot say all of the letters, Momma helps him out.
This would be Momma, she was all dressed up for her Birthday… and saw me peeking around the corner. I guess she was helping Cam-Man with Word World, and I interrupted.
Today is Momma’s birthday, when the Farmer and I told her Happy Birthday, she was really pleased, and then she got a card from the Farmer and one from a relative. She was opening them when we asked how old she was. Her reply was “Uhm close to 70 right?” “Uhm,Momma you are 68, which I guess is close to 70”.
This is the Farmer and Momma on their wedding day, psst…the anniversary is coming up. They have been married for 31 years. When I look at this picture, I am filled with love for this woman, who married my Dad, and Me.
A lot of people ask me why I take care of her. You know why? Because this is my Momma, she has taken care of the Farmer for a bunch of years, and she’s taken care of me too. She has been a best friend, and a Momma too. Happy Birthday, Momma, it’s hard to do something special, because I can’t bake a cake for you, because you can’t eat it, I can’t have a drink with you because you can’t drink it, But I can do whatever I can to make you comfortable, and love you to pieces, and if kindergarten “Word World” makes you happy, then I’m happy too. P.s. YUP, this is the shirt I was talking about…”Half Irish ALL trouble”..It fits my Momma, in more ways than one.
Well, it’s been another day. I say that in the nicest way possible. My day was filled, with a lot of different things, and I am thankful for that.
I woke up this morning at 4:30 am, and told myself to go back to bed and sleep until 6. You see, I always do this. When I know I have to get up early to go get Cam-Man, I am so afraid of being late, that I wake up super early instead. I talked myself into going back to sleep, and then sat straight up in bed when the alarm clock went off at 6:15 am.
I got myself up and coffee’d up and went to go get the “man”. I stopped at the local “Casey’s” (I used to work there for 5 years), and went in and checked the Farmer’s lotto tickets for him. Glory be out of 5 tickets, 4, which told me he was a looser, the last ticket rang up and said “Winner, Winner chicken dinner” and paid off $7.00. WOOHOO…the Farmer is rich now..hehehe…While I was in there I grabbed a “Bug Juice” for Cam-Man, so he would have something to drink while we were at the Farmers.
Halfway down the road my cellphone rang. It was the Nursing Student… “Uhm Jo?”, “Yup” “You do know I go to school today right?” “Uhm, I’m halfway to your house ok? I didn’t forget”. gheesh..kids…I swear…lol…
I get to the Nursing student’s house and something was off. Her car was nowhere to be seen. When I got inside and asked her about it, she told me, “Well…my car is still at Colonial Manor, it wouldn’t start the other night”. Hmm.. you see, before it was her car, it was mine. I owned it from the time I drove it off the lot brand new in 1999, until I gave it to her 2 years ago. It’s a Oldsmobile Intrigue. (Awesome car, 0-60 in a second…uhm..cough NOT that I really know this). Anyhow, apparently it is something electrical. When I looked at the Nursing Student and asked her, “Uhm…where are all the car seats?” She had the deer in the head light look and said…well I can’t post what she said, but she gave me the keys to the Fisher Dude’s car and I went and retrieved the car seat. Good thing he works about 5 minutes away from their house.
I got back to the house with the car seat in the Rav4 and took her to school, me and Cam-Man threw her out of the car and off down the road we went to the Farmer’s house. Cam-Man was talking up a storm today. He EVEN sang his ABC’s to me.
We got to the Farmer’s and Cam-Man and the Farmer had a Re-union, they have not seen each other for a while. I went in and gave Momma her meds, and then came out and made Cam-Man some strawberry oatmeal, and a fruit cup which he scarfed up. Cam-Man found his toys he had left there and promptly started playing with them.
I got Momma cleaned up and when it was time to get Momma up, we all had a hand in it, from Cam Man sitting on Momma’s walker and cheering her on, to me and the Farmer helping Momma.
We made our way into the living room and Momma’s chair, it was kinda funny too, Me in the front, the Farmer at Momma’s side and Cam-Man bringing up the rear talking the whole time.
Momma settled in her chair, and Cam-Man and I went for a walk to the asparagus patch to pick some. He helped me pick a bunch, which we brought into the house. The Farmer went back out to finish mowing. He was on a mission to mow today, and he got it done. Although, I think he was surprised when he went to mow the front and Cam-Man was in the front window waving at him.
Cam-man has a fascination with tractors. When the Farmer was almost done mowing, he switched it up and got the tractor out to pick up sticks. I thought Cam-Man was going to go crazy, he wanted OUT bad,. So I took him out the front door (Momma was napping), and we walked up to where the Farmer was picking up tree limbs and stuff, so Cam-Man helped. He picked up branches and set them into the bed of the tractor, and then wanted to climb onto the seat of the tractor. I quickly took him back inside, because…the Farmer has STRICT policies about kids and tractors.
Cam-Man followed the Farmer’s progress, but every time the Farmer disappeared from view, he got nervous. It was time for me to take Cam-Man back to his house, so we kissed Momma, and went outside to tell the Farmer we were leaving. Cam-Man kissed his Great Poppa, and waved by to him (several times from in my arms to riding up alongside him in the car).
I dropped him off at home, and you would have thought the end of the world was near the fuss that kid made. He waved to me and it was ok.
I went back to the Farmer’s because he thought we were having an interview today with therapy. We didn’t it was just another therapist coming to visit us. But it was okay. Because, I was there when he needed me.
When I got home.. I got busy and got a lot of stuff done. Tomorrow is another day, but, Camsgranny will make it work, because that’s just what I do.
This is the first week of Momma being home. With that being said, we are still trying to get into a new routine.
Yesterday, I got up early and went and scooped up Cam-man, and we went to the Farmer’s house. Cam-man kinda remembered the routine. It’s changed a little bit and we adapted. Cam-man had the run of the house and found some toys that he hasn’t seen since December. The Farmer and I and Cam-Man all got Momma up and walking into the front room.
That’s when the phone started ringing non-stop. First call was Home Health Care Therapy, they were coming today (Monday). Next call was a Home Health Care Social worker who was coming to visit today, and then the Case worker called for a status update. I think the phone rang more in one day than a whole week!
Cam-Man and Momma played and I did some laundry. The Therapist arrived, and how funny is this, she is the wife of Momma’s therapist in the Nursing home. Momma had a therapy session, and all went well, Cam-Man even participated in therapy. (He thought it was a blast.) When it was over, I gave Momma her meds and then Cam-Man and I scooted off down the road to his house.
I sat and visited with the Nursing student for a bit, and then back to the Farmer’s house for a visit with the Social Worker. I was a little nervous, because when someone says “Social Worker” I get nervous. (This goes back to when my boys were little and one of them got injured at an after school event, and some teacher reported me for child abuse. It all got straightned out, but the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.)
Apparently, the Farmer and I surprised the Social Worker, because we had done everything she had come to talk to us about. We had all of the proper equipment, we’ve been trained on medications and feedings, we’ve already hired extra help. The one thing that the Farmer and I had a hard time with was the wheelchair ramp. Guess what? One phone call from her and BAM, they are coming out to help us with that.
The fun thing was the Social Worker has spent some time in England, and got Momma’s accent right away. They chatted for a bit too. See, this is what is strange to me. Since Momma has been home, it’s like she is a different person than the one in the Nursing home.
Yesterday, I got home at about 3:30 almost 4 pm. I’ve very lucky that the Electrician takes such good care of me. He had cleaned the house, and mowed the yard, and kept himself busy all day. We had dinner and then just enjoyed each other’s company all evening watching “The Voice”. I’m kinda hooked on that show.
Ok, ya’ll after spending the day with Cam-the-Man and also Momma, then spending the evening talking to the Electrician’s friends, I am in a nostalgic mood, and would like to take you down memory lane with me.
When I was a kid (really not that long ago), we didn’t have computer’s, cellphones, and MTV, VH1, or video games. We had inventive entertainment. We would get up in the morning, eat breakfast and then hit the streets. (Kind of like Back to Future, it makes A LOT more sense to me now) In my case, it was a country neighborhood, with about 20 houses and woods all around us. I met up with the neighborhood kids and we rode our bikes all day, or played baseball, or climbed trees, or just went playing in the woods.
We invented games, but mostly we just rode our bikes on all those country roads. We didn’t have to worry about “drugs” or being kidnapped. Our biggest fear was not getting home before the street lights went on. Yes, my little country “hood” had those. And if your parent’s screamed your name, you KNEW you were in trouble.
We used to catch fireflies with mason jars. Then we did get adventurous and catch Bee’s with fireflies. To this day I’m not sure how I never got stung, but we did catch them and then let them go.
My childhood changed when we moved to England. I didn’t have a bike anymore, but I did still wander the “streets” of London and our small town of Surbiton Surrey. I learned how to ride the double-decker bus, I really enjoyed the “top deck”. I had freedom as a child, that kids today don’t have. At age 15, I was allowed to ride the train to London by MYSELF and wander around London and then take the train home.
When I became a “Younger adult” and had to start working, well I did. My first job was at a Hair Salon, I was at the wash station. I washed client’s hair. Uhm, probably not good for me as the first few people’s hair I washed ended up with a shower. I guess I was never meant to be a hair dresser.
I ended up getting a job at “Boot’s the Chemist”. I remember it well, I started out at the makeup counter and moved to the soap aisle. (My whole family remembers it too, as all they got for Christmas present’s that year was something from Boot’s). But I remember getting my “pay-packet” and feeling VERY grown up.
But then I decided to join the U.S. Air Force . And that’s where I will stop my story. Tonite, was about remembering my childhood and I had a GREAT one. I didn’t have to face a lot of things that today’s kids do, I was NEVER bullied, or picked on, nor did I ever feel that my life wasn’t worth living. I was very active, whether it was doing something by myself (as an only child I was okay with this but I did have a LOT of imanginary friends). I didn’t sit inside all day and play video games…we didn’t have any. We used something called our imagination. Man, those were some DAMN good times. If the sun was shining…we were outside, if it was raining….9 times out of 10 we were still outside.
I drank water from a hose…uhm..to all those people who tell you it will kill you today, HEY, I’m still around and kicking!!!!!
I listened to stories from my Grandma about what she did for entertainment in her day..to my Dad telling about what they did for entertainment in his day. Now, while I have never climbed on top of a barn and took a wagon with me, well…maybe I missed my chance. But it seems to Camsgranny that things USED to be so much simpler and so much more fun than what the kids of today have to deal with. This would be MY opinion.