Have you ever had just one friend in your life, who is your go-to person? Someone who has known you the longest? As a military “brat”, who transformed into an Overseas “brat”, I made friends, but left them behind each time we moved. We moved a bunch too, until we arrived in England.
In the first 18 years of my life, I believe I lived in England the longest. If y’all follow my blog, then you know I went to a boarding school. To an only child it’s like having about 100 brothers and sisters, who have never left me.
I’ve been dealing with some personal stuff lately, with one of my kids. It has been a Mother’s nightmare. Just because a child grows up, and is 30 years old, when they come to be on a “suicide watch“, it is a very scary thing. This is not the first time with this son. Hopefully it will be last time. It is a very heartbreaking situation, and I am praying so gratefully for the outcome.
My son’s father committed suicide, and when my son gets overwhelmed, or in general just feels he has done so much wrong, and cannot be forgiven, and so far down in that pit of deep despair, he feels this is his only answer.
I have clawed, prayed and fought for him. He deserves it, and he is very loveable. But sometimes he makes very bad decisions. He knows right from wrong, and he is not a bad kid. Kind of like that saying ‘When I am bad, I’m bad, but when I am good, I am great. Good kid, wrong crowd, and BAM, trouble. (Uhm, bear with me I do have a point, but I am working my way to it ok?).
I have been on a roller coaster all weekend, this past weekend being Father’s Day, and stuff, and it hit my kid hard. I kind of felt guilty in a way that I was having so much fun, while he was in such despair.
I posted on Facebook to everyone I knew, to please pray for him. I started prayer chains all over the place. Friends of mine, started prayer chains for him to. People who did not even know him, prayed for him.
I breathed a sigh of relief today, after a pretty heartbreaking discussion ( might I just say, my kid is not in the same State as I, and is also in jail and our only contact is phone and letters), My son was crying and hung up on me. He was not happy with what I said. About five minutes later, he called again, and it was as if a light switch had went off in his head, and he told me “I get it Mom. I love you and Thank you for never giving up on me, I won’t be selfish anymore, I’ve made mistakes, and I get what you’re saying. Just please, do not ever give up on me, I’m ok now, I’ve got a lot to think about, especially what you have said. I would never hurt you for the world after all you have done for me, and I was not thinking about how what I would do, would affect you. You are right, there is more to this life than what I’ve done, and I am on the way up. After all, I’m in the bottom now, and like you said I can only go up from here. Thank you Mom. I Love you, ”
After typing this, it brings tears to my eyes, simply because I was fighting with all I am, for him. Now mind you, while I had this conversation with him, I was giving Momma a bath and washing her hair, and doing what I normally do. I finished up getting Momma up and doing all the stuff I do, and headed home.
When I walked in the door, the first thing I do is check my phone. I had 3 missed calls and 2 voice mails. After by-passing the missed calls I went to the voice mails. I started laughing, belly laughing at one of my voice mails. I couldn’t help it.
One of my “former” room-mates from about 35 years ago, had left me a voice mail, that I had to laugh over. I dialed up her number and spent the next (cough) (okay, I’m busting myself out) 1 1/2 hours on the phone with. Her and I giggled, talked about life, both of our stuff, and also the reality of our situations..
She told me, that whenever she reads something on Facebook that I put out there, I am real. (Well duh, it’s life and I’m dealin), but other’s put stuff out there to make them look perfect. We discussed a bunch of stuff and have figured out that no one is perfect, but we are ready to accept and deal with what we have.
I truly spent an enjoyable time this afternoon, and the Electrician was laughing at me, because when he arrived home (I was talking on the phone baking cookies and not really paying attention to anything but my phone call), he walked in and said ‘Uhm Hello?” When I came around the corner he asked me if I knew the Air conditioning was on and the house was opened wide up. Oops….Thanks P…..
I give serious Thanks to those peeps, and ALL of you, that have helped me make it through this weekend, with my son. But I have to give a special shout out to my girl “P”. Who knows me better than most, she knew when I was ready to talk, and talk we did.
To my friend P….HOLLA….girl I love you…To the Farmer…Thank YOU for all you have done, and once again…uhm…we got a phone bill. To the Electrician, just a quick HOLLA….you know what I mean. To my son, who will not read this until about 4 years from now, Your Momma loves you with all of her heart, and I hope and pray, it will be okay….
This post is dedicated to my Dad, aka The Farmer. What can I say? I have been Blessed to have the BEST Dad on the earth. Of coarse everyone thinks that their Dad is tops, and rightly so.
For me, My Dad is something. My Dad has raised me from birth, by himself, at times. He did the best he could with what he had. That’s not to say my Beloved Grandma B. did not step up at times, nor my Aunt Sara too.
Sometimes, I put myself in his shoes, and I’d just like to say, he tried, very hard. I guess it was a plus, I was more of a tomboy, than a “girlie girl”. I mean seriously, when you are growing up, and have “girl” things happen and are mortified, because you think you are dying, and your Dad sucks it up and “explains” about how you are now becoming a woman. It must have been uncomfortable for him, I’m sure.
My Dad has ALWAYS been there for me. There were times when I was growing up, I thought we were not normal, because it was just him and I. Most families I knew, had a Mama and a Dad, I just had a Dad. I learned early, how to cook, because..well, while Dad CAN cook, it wasn’t always pleasant. I learned how to clean house and also to do laundry, and we had a great relationship. He was ALWAYS my Dad and would not hesitate to kick my butt if I needed it. Although to be truthful, IF I turned on the water works when he went for his belt, I didn’t get my butt smacked.
My Dad was the first person I would turn to if I was in trouble, and he always came through. When I finally did leave home, and thanks be to the heavens, because when I left, I had racked up about a $500. phone bill, and when he got the bill, I could hear him screaming my name.
But, I have to be honest here, I was the perfect child. (smirk). Okay, who fell for that one?
In my later years, my Dad is not only my Dad, he is my best friend. With the passing of years, we are more friends than I ever thought possible. While we are drawn to each other helping my Momma Annie, we both have the same thoughts. And the funny thing is, somewhere along the line, while he still takes care of me, I can also take care of him.
It’s like a circle. Growing up, I did the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning, and now, I do the cooking and the laundry and the cleaning. hehehe. I also have some power. Dad has had his John Deere privileges taken away after creaming the garage door not once but twice now. I promised I would not bust him out, and while I have not said exactly what happened, I still kept my promise. But the garage door is toast…..
There are just to many things I could say, but the biggest one, is I love my Dad to the moon and back.
So I will say this, to the Farmer, Thank you for my life, thank you for giving me life, thank you for being a major part of my life, and thank you for being my friend and Dad. While I don’t always agree with you and we may get into some “scuffles” over our difference of opinions, you are and always will be my best friend, My Dad. Happy Father’s Day Dad.
And to all the other Dad’s out there, Happy Father’s Day to you too. To my Electrician, you are a wonderful Dad, and Happy Father’s Day to you too.
Because I really don’t have any thoughts in my head right now, I am going to talk about a picture that I have, that has a lot of memories that go with it.
This is a trophy that sit’s in what used to be “my room” and has now been turned into Cam-Man’s room.
One weekend back in 1997, when I used to shoot guns, the Farmer, Momma and I went up to another town, and competed in a contest. It was a 2 day affair, with the first day being Women’s shoot, and Men’s shoot. The second day being a “couple’s shoot”. The weekend was also Father’s day on that Sunday.
Momma used to like to shoot guns and was actually really good at it. For the Saturday that we went, Momma and I entered into the women’s competition, and both of us did really well. A little too well. We shot at targets and did clay pigeons, and some other stuff, and the first prize was a shiny new revolver.
I don’t remember exactly how many women were entered, but I do know who the 2 finalists were, and had to have a “shoot off”, for first place, and the prize of the gun. (You can see where this is going).
Yes, Momma and I tied, and we had to have a shoot off, unfortunately for the spectators and other’s, Momma and I were well matched. Our “shoot off” lasted 2 hours, when for some unknown reason Momma missed her mark, and I made mine. I won the gun, and we both won the trophy.
That year, Momma and the Farmer were going back the second day and compete in the “Couple’s match”. The Farmer had no idea that I had won the gun, (we told him I won, but nothing about the gun)
You see, that Sunday was Father’s Day. Momma kept my secret, and when the second day of the match was over, they had an awards banquet. Momma told me what happened, because I wasn’t there. But I had already talked to the people who put on the match and told them when the awards came up, they were to present the gun to the Farmer and explain the story behind it, and wish him a Happy Father’s day from his Daughter and his wife.
I have this trophy in my house to remember how much fun and how competitive Momma was.
Momma doesn’t shoot anymore (well duh…that could be kinda scary), she doesn’t drive anymore, or do a lot of the things she used to do anymore. Parkinson’s has robbed her of a lot of the stuff she used to do.
BUT, I still have my photo album, and I have something Parkinson’s CAN’T take away from ME. I have memories.
Sometimes, it’s nice to re-visit those memories and things or events we have done. Please don’t get me wrong, Momma is doing fine and it was a good day, but sometimes, I wish for the days of Pre-Parkinson’s, because Momma used to be so much fun, and up for anything.
She even joked with me today, about taking a cruise and dancing on the deck of a ship….Oh Momma, I wish…..
While I realize that today is not Father’s Day, when you have a large family, sometime’s you schedule events or “special” days around everyone’s schedule well for most of my family, today was the day.
The day dawned, and the Electrician and I ran and did some errands. When we got home, I put an awesome rub on the 2 racks of baby back ribs we were going to grill out today. I shucked 6 ears of corn and got the Bourbon and brown sugar baked beans ready to go.
The Nursing student and I pulled a trick on the Fisher dude, and told him to be here by 1:00, (because usually, (and he admitted this), he is the reason they are late anywhere they go. Well..the Fisher dude arrived at my house at exactly 12:48, and asked where everyone was. I was in shock and told him to sit down. Apparently, he had been gone since early this morning Fishing. (That is part of his Father’s day). I told him, I was VERY impressed that he was on time!
Pretty soon, after we chatted for a bit, and he went out to the pond to continue fishing, the Nursing Student and Cam-Man made their arrival.
Cam-Man strutted in the house, as soon as he put a foot on the stairs he was shouting “Poppa“. He came upstairs and I met him at the stairs. I got a big hug, but he was still looking for his Poppa. He went to the window and checked to see if Poppa’s truck was there, and then he heard him on the stairs. The two had an awesome re-union with big hugs and sloppy kisses.
Both of them got shooed out of the house though. The Nursing Student was putting the finishing touches on the gift that her and Cam-Man had made for Poppa for Father’s Day.
Apparently (I had set up the pool yesterday), as soon as Cam-Man hit the deck on the outside he saw the pool and went running and was climbing in, when Poppa grabbed him and took off his shorts and shirt, and although one sandal got wet, they were also remove
This kid is a fish, and loves to swim and play, every single one of the family got in the pool with him at one time or another. I do have to laugh though, because the Nursing student is trying to “potty train” him. When I came out (everyone else was gone and it was my turn to watch him), he climbed out of the pool and started taking his diaper off. Next thing I knew, he aimed his little tallywacker and proceeded to pee in the pool. Not once, but in the course of the 2 hours he was in the pool, at least 4 other times. I think he’s getting the hang of it.
The College student showed up and took her turn in the pool with Cam-Man too.
Dinner was ready and we had to drag Cam-Man out of the pool, and we all went upstairs and seriously chowed down, Ribs, corn-on-the-cob, Bourbon and brown sugar baked beans and sliced watermelon. (burp, uhm, sorry). I love baked beans, so the Nursing student, however, both her and I were denied second helpings of the beans by our respective spouses. I have NO idea why.
After dinner, we laid Cam-Man down for a nap,AFTER he had gone around the room and given each one of us a kiss and told each of us, “I love you too” and then we all congregated downstairs, and the Collage student laid on the couch and stated she needed a nap, the Fisher dude stretched out in the recliner and agreed with her. The Electrician and I sat in our respective chairs, and the Nursing student kind of bounced from the recliner, to the couch, to just running into the garage fridge for another strawberry.
We laughed so much at the conversation that was carried over from the dinner table. Uhm, folks, my family is just straight up crazy. I won’t even go into detail about what we discuss, but the conversation downstairs was about suffocating on the College student‘s cleavage, and about her wanting to be “Octo-Mom” with one kid, to just giggling and out loud belly laughing about the kids craziness.
The College student had to run, she has a night life that she had to go take a nap for…:) The Fisher dude fell asleep in the recliner, and the Electrician, Nursing student and I all had a good time, just talking.
Let me take a minute to state, I loved these kids while they were growing up, but since they are grown up, I’ve learned, they are GREAT kids, but they are FRIENDS too.
Anyhoo, the Electrician had decided Cam-Man had a long enough nap, and went and woke him up, and Cam’s first thought was to go outside. Unknown to him, Poppa and I had taken down and emptied the pool. We went outside and a friend of the Electrician’s was in the back fishing with his 2 of 3 kids.
We all walked down towards the pond, and the Nursing student hadn’t seen Korry or his kids for a long time. Introductions were made (Fisher dude had never met him), and we proceeded to have a good time catching up. Meanwhile Cam-Man spotted the battery operated “car” that Korry’s kids arrived in and was all over that sucker. Korry told Cam to get in and drive. Cam-Man jumped in but had no clue how to drive it, so Korry’s son got in and gave Cam-Man a ride, all the way back up to the house and then around the driveway and back down to the pond. Korry’s son got out and went back to fishing, and Cam-Man was hooked.
Cam-Man’s feet couldn’t reach the gas pedal, and I took a ride with him, and showed him how to do it, IT WAS on after that. That little kid ran in circles with his Poppa and I egging him on. I think he just liked the wind in his hair and the fact, HE was driving.
It came to an end though, when I realized he was going to run the battery down, so I coaxed him out of the car, with a promise of a boat ride. The Electrician got the boat ready, and it was time for a boat ride. The Fisher dude put down his fishing pole, and the Nursing Student got ready and Cam_man climbed into the boat, and they went for their first paddle boat ride.
unfortunately for me, I had to scoot down the road, because I had promised to go to the Farmer’s to put Momma to bed. So, I’m not quite sure what else happened, but I will come back to it, as the Electrician told me what happened after I left.
I had promised Joyce, that I would go over and put Momma to bed tonite, because she had a “date” with her husband. I got to the Farmer’s and while Momma might have had a good day, it wasn’t a “good” evening.
The therapy police arrived and did some therapy with her, but Momma’s muscles were not responding. It happens sometimes. I did take a plate of food to the Farmer, and he enjoyed it. Momma was just griping because she really wants to taste something and eat with her mouth and not a tube. I explained everything to her AGAIN, but I do understand her frustration. I don’t think I would like it if I could not chew something and savor the flavor of it.
I got Momma into her bed, and comfy, and I even “bed danced” with her to the Lawrence Welk show. The Farmer laughed at us, but HEY, Momma liked it. After I made sure she was comfortable, I scooted down the road back to my house.
It’s been a day, and I’ll share the rest later, but for now, my serious thank you to all the Father’s out there.
Happy Father’s day to you all.