I read a blog post tonite that has truly hit me in the gut and made me accept a few things. So, in true Camsgranny fashion, I am also writing a letter.
While I know the past few days you have felt like you are on a roller coaster, maybe you need to accept that you are. This Holiday season is a first for you.
You have so many scary memories of the last Holiday season, and you need to accept the fact you are scared. It doesn’t help you that your Momma has said, she gets emotional over the Christmas holiday, and that she has told you she is planning to leave you this Christmas season.
While your memories flood back to you from last year, when you actually “lost” your Momma and the fact that the Doctor’s and Nurses brought her back to you. You need to quit being a scaredy cat, and recognize every day is a gift.
You need to quit walking on eggshells and live your life, and quit worrying. While I understand that it gets harder and harder everyday to go take care of her, when you see that she is slowly going away, cherish what time you have with her.
Giggle those giggles, belly laugh when you both need to. Wipe her tears when she needs it, wipe her drool away when she needs it. Comfort her when she is confused, and let her be herself.
She loves you, oh so much, and that is why she tells you daily, she is Blessed by you, and lucky to have you. While I understand, you tell her, You are lucky to have her.
While I understand your frustration, and that being a Caregiver is hard. It is something you feel the need to do. It won’t be forever, and there will come a day, when you will feel Blessed to have all these moments and also to have spent the time you did.
So to myself, I say this, Girl, you got this and quit looking behind and start looking forward, and just take one day at a time. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today? well, it’s a present.
Today is Thanksgiving, here in the good old U.S. of A. Plenty of families come together and render themselves into a food coma.
This morning dawned with me waking up and screaming “Oh Crap, I gotta get busy”. What did I know? The Electrician has never actually helped me with Thanksgiving in the previous years. He was usually in charge of grilling or smoking the turkey. This year was different. I was cooking all of the turkeys (yes, I had 2) in the flavor-wavor.
The Electrician stepped it up this year. Yes, he helped me make the oyster stuffing AND the sausage stuffing. Helped with the Green bean casserole, He was in charge of the Rolls, and the mashed potato‘s. The man stepped up. (burp).
I was so far ahead of my schedule, I had time to just sit and watch “Friends” on t.v. cuddled up with my Beloved. Have you ever just sat and rejoiced in what you have? I did, today.
The dinner today was amazing, unfortunately, the Nursing Student and I over did it a bit, by simply eating too much before the dinner. OOPS. My poor Collage student did herself in last night enough said…
When we had all scarfed enough to feed the world (okay might be a stretch) , I plated up a plate for the Farmer. I made a deal with all of them, that I would take the plate to Farmer, and they would do the dishes. (I seriously got the better end of that deal, I got to drive 30 minutes in a food coma)
When I arrived at the Farmer’s, him and Momma were asleep. I came in, and saw they were both sleeping, and I went up to the Farmer and gently rubbed him arm. He opened his eyes, and smiled. I sush’d him because Momma was truly sleeping, I mean drool and everything. He came into the kitchen with me and made a plate and then I told him I had to go. I gave him BIG hugs told him I loved him, kissed my still sleeping Momma and left. Can I be honest with y’all here? On my day of Thankfulness, I am Thankful she is still here, am I happy she never woke up AND I did not want to wake her up, No.
I got home and my kids and the Electrician had cleaned up all of the mess from my cooking. We then watched 2 movies. I watched the Hunger Games, which I truly thought I would not like and I did, and The Lorax, and Cam-man was truly amazed.
I have had a truly amazing day. I have counted all my Blessings, I am not looking forward to tomorrow… But will be will be….
Camsgranny has lived this past week, hurting, as in every frickin bone in my body.
When I first moved to Illinois, about 18 years ago, I thought it would be a good idea to get myself into shape and lose some weight. Momma was game and her and I joined a jazzercise class, that met twice a week. We would go to class and do jazzercise and it felt really good. Unfortunately for us, AFTER the class, we would go to Steak n Shake, eat a cheeseburger and cheesy fries. The class did pay off for me, I lost weight (believe it or not), and my body got into shape. I enjoyed jazzercise, Momma only went so she could look at the instructor’s butt. ( I am not kidding about that statement either.)
Here it is 18 years later, and somehow, I became totally happy with my life and gained some weight (cough, not a lot but enough), I have always thought of myself as being in shape, but I’ve been proven wrong. The Electrician and I got into a deep discussion one night, not to long ago. The Electrician works out at least 4 times a week. He’s very dedicated to it. We do eat healthy, don’t get me wrong, but somehow, while I got chubby, he’s still trim. (pisses me off to no end.)
So, this week I took the bull by the horns and changed up my diet, no carbs. (Oh potatoes and bread how I miss you. sigh.) I also started an exercise program this week. You see the Farmer has a stationary bike, and I’ve ridden it every day this week for about 30 minutes, and on friday I even managed 45 minutes. Besides riding the bike, I’ve done crunches, and some other stuff.
I wrote a message to a great friend of mine on Thursday night asking her, “Please tell me it is worth it, because right now my arms, legs, butt, and every bone in my body is about to die”. She encouraged me and told me it was ok, and it does get easier. Pfft…what the hell does she know? (Actually she knows a lot she walks 4 miles everyday and does the no carb thing).
Here it is Saturday, I’ve lost 4 pounds this past week, my body doesn’t hurt today, well why should it? I haven’t done much all day. I do have to admit something though. I figured that since I did so well this week, I could have some carbs with my dinner. I made a chuck roast cooked in a mushroom gravy, broccoli, and uhm…yea, french fries. I didn’t have that many french fries, but maybe the fact that I smothered them in mushroom gravy,(I am the Farmer’s daughter, and desert in our house was a piece of bread smothered in gravy) well…..I might just have gained back that 4 pounds I worked so hard to get off of me.
While I appreciate the fact, that yes, I do need to get back into shape, isn’t there any other way? Oh well, I have already decided I would work out Monday through Friday and take weekends off, and I’ll stick with the no carbs thing FOR AWHILE, but when I get to where I want to be, I will maintain it but that no carbs thingy is going out the window…..
Ok kids, I’m switching it up today. I have had a VERY relaxing Sunday, as in I have not done anything more strenuous than take a shower and eat. I have not even left my house today. The College student stopped by and had dinner with us, and we all enjoyed each other’s company.
I have played on the internet, caught up on other people’s blogs, and just been kinda lazy. The Electrician is in Basketball heaven, as in, he has watched March Madness College Basketball ALL DAY. (This IS March ya know).
I have been working on a project though. In one of my other post’s I spoke of Alex this would be him and the College student. They were an “item” and she brought him into our lives.
The funny thing was (that I was to find out about 2 years later), was that Alex’s step-dad was my cousin’s Best friend. Small world in my hood.
Alex joined the Army. He was sent to Afghanistan and is there now. Before he left, we imparted words of wisdom (me Air Force Vet) to him. Yes, he and the college student “broke”up, but we have kept in touch. (Alex even has ME (huh) listed as his step-mom on Facebook.)
The Electrician and him also have a friendship that no one understands, it has a lot to do with being called Sally, don’t even ask, because even I don’t know.
But, I digress. My afternoon has been spent researching about sending him a care package. The College student told us, he had told her, beef jerky, sunflower seeds (any flavor), tic tac’s, and gum. After hearing that, the Electrician promptly had me send him a message asking if he was really fighting a war or looking for a date. I won’t tell you the response I got.
The fact of the matter is, I have researched and found a bunch of stuff that kid will get in a care package from his “step-momma” AND the Electrician. If he doesn’t want something, he can always share it with his buddies. I pray for this kid every night.
So while, I am at home living “mi vida loca” this kid is out there fighting for freedom, and his country. That to me is honor, and this kid has it.
Every night at about 7 pm, the Electrician and I log onto Facebook, to play “Name that tune” with one of his classmates. We play every night and have made quite the game of it.
There are several follower’s and we all try super hard to be the winner for month. So far, the Electrician has won it the first month, and we got a spanking gift card to “Starbucks”. Now, while there was not a Starbucks near us, we happily used the card yesterday when we went to Terre Haute, Indiana.
The reason, I mention this, is simply for the fact how one post can turn into 75-100 comments later. Mind you, I do not know most of the people who play, I’ve never met any of them. But I can say that over time, I have come to cherish these people. We laugh, giggle and actually “spew” out drinks over some of the comments.
This is something that has become the “highlight” of my evenings. Usually after we play I write my post and then the Electrician and I relax for a few and then go to bed.
We had a discussion the other night, because most of the music is from the 70’s and 80’s, psst, let me just tell you on an average, I get maybe 3 a month right, while the Electrician usually knows just about all of them. But, we had a conversation about the 90’s music. It was quite a long conversation and without going into it, let’s just say the 90’s for all of us…was…well…memorable for a lot of things and music was not one of them.
This month Helen was the winner, it was a tight race, and let’s just say next month will be interesting. I’ve been studying and I plan to give them a run for their money…:)
The fact that the Electrician has friends like this, that have accepted me with open arms, makes me smile. Music is a form of communication, and I really enjoy these evening episodes, they really fill me with warm fuzzy feelings.
So, to Bet, Helen, The Electrician, Donna, and countless others, Thank you! I enjoy our group hugs every night, and plus just the plain old fun of playing! Oh Yea Name this tune….
“When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.”
For those of you that wish to answer, please feel free to do so, I’ll give ya the answer tomorrow….:0)
Enjoy ya’ll, “yesterday was the past, today was the present, tomorrow is a gift.”
Ok, I have to add an addendum to this post, I will confess, the Electrician is my proof-reader every night and tells me thumbs up or thumbs down. He tells me what he thinks and that’s important to me. Tonite, I had him proof-read, and DAMN, he named that song, and I thought for sure I would have stumped him, so back to the drawing board I go.