And at others, you simply just need to sit down and giggle…..
And sometimes, you just let moments happen…..
But then there are other times you say, What the heck…..
And then you remember….Life is precious…..
I have always looked at my Blog as a place to put my feelings into perspective. To try to share them with all of y’all, and make sense of them myself. The funny thing is, I seem to have lost my way, so to speak.
Sometimes, I re-read what I have written and I feel what I was feeling at the time I wrote them. I go through every emotion and every feeling that I had at the time. I look back, and I laugh, and I cry, I cry hard, because there are so many things I never said.
I really am not trying to be depressing, I am trying to figure out some things in my mind at the moment. I made a post a few times about the “Que Sera Sera” effect. While it still rings true today, it has a different meaning.
I’ve noticed some things lately, they are not happy things, they are things, that make my heart give a big “uh oh”… They are things that I have watched over the past few years, and while Momma is “still here”, she is not “still here”.
I had a “first” this past week, Momma did not know who I was. That truly hurt my heart. I knew it was coming, but I never thought I would react the way I did. It hurts, inside, but you cannot let it show outside.
We also had some good times, where Momma knew who I was, she always knows who the Farmer is. We talked about it today, when she mentioned that she was “old” when she got married,. When I reminded her of the fact they have been married for 31 + years, she smiled and said yes, it was a good thing.
Momma was mad today. She was mad, that I had to wipe her butt, when she had an “accident” and that she could no longer control, her body. She was also not to happy at the fact, that I made her get out of bed today. When I woke her up and told her it was time to get up, she was just plain old mad.
Forgive me, but that was a good thing. Because, I made her move and get her muscles moving, and proceed with the day, she got mad, at me. I will not let her just sleep 24/7, I will not let her just give up. Maybe I should, some of you ask?
Nope, that is not my Momma, my Momma is tired, and I know it, but I will not let her go down without fighting. Maybe, I am selfish,maybe I am fighting a never-ending battle, BUT until she tells me it’s over, it ain’t over, and there is not a fat lady singing….
Being as this is the day after my blog’s birthday, I wanted to revisit one of my first posts, and give it an “overhaul” so to speak, I originally posted this on September 25, 2011. Life was good then (not to say that it isn’t now, but A LOT of stuff has changed since then.) ( I’ve made some changes to it, and added to it.)
Fall….when I think of Fall, winter automatically comes to mind. I DISLIKE Winter…oh, sorry, this is supposed to be about Fall.
Well, I like the Fall season for a lot of different reasons. The change of colors everything goes to yellow to orange and then to brown and leaves fall off the trees and as the Youngest daughter (AKA College kid) said when she was little “the trees get snaked”. (note to the Electrician…get the snow blower out so we can blow all those leaves into the neighbor’s yard so THEY can rake em up). On the plus side my brown yard (which did NOT get hardly any rain this year) fits right in with color scheme now). How true, we were in one of the worst droughts this year since about 15 years.
Football season, tailgating, bonfires, weenie roasts, crock pot dinners, snuggling on the couch with the Electrician watching all the t.v. series premieres, wearing jeans and hoodies (and not having to shave my legs). Having a fire in the fire pit, on the porch and snuggling. Well.. you get the picture.
On the other hand…I live in a farming community and this is also the season of harvest and while for the farmers that is a good thing, but for my sinus’ it really sucks. I think I need to buy stock in Kleenex, after all I go through them and I could get rich and maybe have a free supply. (note to self..check into this)
Also this is the time that all those critters that live in the fields now have nowhere to hide and they try to make their way into all of our homes. So…note to Ms. Baby she better be on her toes looking for them! Ms. Baby is a really good cricket catcher, along with mouser, and a fly-catcher. She finds them and then stares them down, meowing the whole time, and waits for either the Electrician (yea, usually him) or me, to come kill whatever.
That led me to another thought, last year I harvested a BUNCH of black walnuts from the Farmer’s house, I brought them home only to have the Electrician tell me I could not let them “dry” in the garage (that was due to the fact that anyone who deals with black walnuts know…they stain BAD!) So I threw them all in my now defunked garden and waited…they have green husks on them that rot and then WHAMMO you have black walnuts (LOVE THEM). Well… so do squirrels, and I swear they must have called each other because every squirrel from a 50 mile radius came and STOLE all my black walnuts. They had a VERY prosperous year last year. So this year, I am going to harvest and let them “dry” in my Dad’s barn and we will see what happens!
This year, we have a wedding in October, the oldest son is getting married, so we will travel and have fun with that, however for me? That means I have to go shopping for a dress. Do you know when the last time I wore a dress was? yea, me neither.
I do enjoy the colors of fall, the crisper weather, and the bonfires. But, what I do not like is that Winter comes after fall, and I really don’t like that.
This was a few years ago, and I really did not like the fact that the bottom windows of my house were covered by snow. I stepped out in it, and I did help shovel (some). I’m a wimp when it comes to cold, I really do not like it at all. It’s pretty when it falls, and I like it for the first day, but after that, get rid of it, because I just don’t like it at all. But I am getting ahead of myself. This is about fall.
What are things that you like about fall? Drop me a line and let me know!
Ok kids, this is going to be an unconventional post. Before I even start I want to give you a little of the “back story”. I was married to a man for 13 years and had 2 children by him. It was not a happy time in my life, and since the Farmer reads my posts I will NOT go into detail.
I found the courage and will power to leave him, and I moved North. I came “home” so to speak. Momma and the Farmer took me and my 2 kids in. We stayed with them for a while, and things progressed, jump forward about oh uhm… 7 months. I decided it was time to get back out there and I went on a date. Wow that was not what I had intended,and I found the Electrician the next night. (Have not been apart since then, but again I digress).
I’ve been troubled by my kids, and it all actually came to head one summer evening, when my ex-husband and his new wife, with their new baby girl, drove their RV and parked it in front of my new home.
Uhm, seriously how do you deal with that? The Electrician went with the flow, and told me to settle down and not worry. I dealt with it, and when they set up home in a trailer park in my town, ok, I can deal with that too.
I became friends with the ex-hubs wife, I really liked her, and this was not our first meeting. But something happened while they here. He started treating her like he had treated me. This I could not stand. So, when she came to me asking for help, I did the only thing I could. I gave her bus fare home to her “home”. While it might not have meant that much to her, other than to get her out of a bad situation, it was hard for me.
I dealt with the Ex, and explained things to him. It didn’t matter they ended up divorced, and I don’t think he ever forgave me. That I am not ashamed of. The two of them had a daughter, and she has grown up so beautiful, I keep tabs on them, and yes, the ex-wife (#2) and I have kept in touch through the years.
And that brings me to today….A woman who I might not ever had met, under other circumstances, has become an Author. I am so proud of the woman she has become today. Some people say you’re not supposed to like the “other” woman, but to them I say pfft…ya’ll don’t know squat.
Her and I have a lot in common, the only difference is she went on and made something out of her life, and I am so proud of the woman she has become. (Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made something out of my life too, but on a much lower key than her.)
So, for all my readers that like a good love story: Here is Doneen’s book. You can get it on Amazon.com, or your local book store. Me, I am getting a personally autographed copy. I’m very proud of her, from where she came, and where she is now. We have a lot in common.
Hey ya’ll, I have to say that Momma had a FANTASTIC day today. Probably the best I’ve seen her since before that dark day in December. Momma was with the Farmer when I got there today, my schedule was a little changed by other factors, so I got there a little late.
She had already been to therapy and was in her room, uhm…reading the paper with the Farmer. I walked in and Momma threw me a smile, we chatted for a bit, and the Farmer told me that Troy was coming to get Momma and do some more therapy with her.
The Farmer, Momma and me were hanging out in her room, when she looked at me and stated “My family is here in this room huh?”, “Yes, Momma we are all here and we all love you”. I told her, she then stated “I wanna go home”. Oh Momma, we are more than ready to have you come home.
Momma proved how ready she was to come home today. Troy came in and scooped Momma up and they proceeded to walk down to the therapy room, and Momma did her leg lifts and practiced sitting and standing, and the Farmer and I have never seen her work THIS hard. Then Momma stood up, and proceeded to walk the ENTIRE nursing home, from which she has previously seen by being wheeled about in her wheelchair.
Momma got tired about half way through but would not give up. I’ve learned something from this woman, it’s called determination. Momma is full of it, I personally think it’s simply for the fact she wants to come home and DRINK a cup of tea and she said something today about eating pizza… Hopefully, she passes her swallow test, and I will be happy to give her a cup of tea and a BIG slice of pizza.
The Nursing Home has told us that in about 3 weeks, Momma will be able to come home. This makes me very HAPPY, and if I feel happy, I can only imagine how the Farmer feels.
Oh, we’ve still got plenty to do, we’ve got to get a Hospital bed, and a wheelchair, and set up some in home Nursing visits, but kids, things are about to get a whole better in my hood.
Oh yea, by the way, the Name that tune yesterday, was “You’ve got a friend” by James Taylor…..
We played tonite, and I give props to the Electrician, only for the fact he was watching the ball-game on t.v. (Hey this is March and March madness is about to start), and I saw the post first and gave him the heads up. Well.. folks, Camsgranny HAD the song and the Artist and posted exactly 11 seconds AFTER the Electrician (rotten rat). So, yes, he did win tonite, AFTER I gave him the clue and the song…AND the artist …duh…(head smack here) He typed it faster than I did. Who would have thought it?
Oh well…tomorrow is another day to play and it’s all good in my hood folks.
I was at the folks house watching my Mom while the Farmer went out to one of his meetings that he goes to. I had already been there in the morning/early afternoon doing the usual every day stuff that I do, and then I went home to do domesticated stuff at MY house.
When I got back to my folks house, Mom was having an “attack” so I laid her down for a little while and I got stuff for dinner ready. After about a half an hour, I went and dragged her monkey butt out to the living room (partly so I could keep an eye on her and partly because I thought I would do better calming her down with me there.) She slowly came around (her meds kicked in), and we proceeded to have “quite” the conversation. We talked about old friends, relatives, was Mom loosing weight, to how come her skin wasn’t tanned like mine was, to, did I think she was up for a trip home. Uh…what? I told her she was home, to which she promptly told me, No, she wanted to go home, to visit England.
I’m sorry I didn’t know what to tell her. My Mother’s physical condition is in No Way Shape or Form to be able to make such a trip. And then I started thinking…..When I was a kid, an American kid, stuck in England (ok maybe not stuck I came home to the good old USA at least once every 2 years), I kinda remember how that felt. So I asked her what she missed. She kind of looked at me blankly for a few minutes and then said….Let’s go to Paris instead and speak french. Uh…ok…Ca va? and she replied and we then had an interesting conversation in french for a few minutes. By now, I’m having a hard time keeping up with her, so I told her I was going outside for a minute, and not to move I would be right back….
I stepped outside and this is what I saw…
I ran back inside and told Mom to hold that thought it was a full moon and I wanted to take a picture of it. I grabbed the Electrician’s camera and took pictures ran inside and oops…(sorry to the Electrician) I didn’t like the pic, so I grabbed the Farmer’s camera (psst….don’t tell him I played with his camera while he was not there ok?) and put my memory card in it and VOILA I got a pic of the moon! I brought the camera inside and showed Mom…
Ya know what she said? I’ll tell you, “Maybe that’s why I feel all weird tonite” uh..hum…well.. ok….
I hate to ruin a good story but it pretty much ends there because she told me she wanted to go to bed so, I got her jammies on and put her to bed, and then sat there for a while trying to figure out just what the heck happened….
I can tell ya’ll about my day..it involved my Mom (of course). Today she got a new chair the Rialto Luxury Lift® Power Recliner made by La-Z-boy.
Yes, it is one of those fancy “lift” chairs. Dad got it to be able to help my Mom get up and out of the chair. (Yes, this is a slight problem because he cannot body lift her like I do).
Well…I guess I should tell you, I forgot about rule number 1. Rule number 1, is that you don’t mess with someone’s surroundings. After introducing my Mom to the new chair, my Dad went off to be a “farmer” (i.e. ride around the Combine and harvest some beans). (Ok, I’m a lil’ bit jealous) (Ok…I’m ALOT jealous, I’d like to ride in a Combine and harvest some beans.) But I digress.
Back to the chair and rule number 1, my Mom was actually a little bit scared of the chair, it wasn’t her old uncomfortable familiar chair. After finally calming her down enough to actually be interested in it, she actually started to have some fun. Once she figured out to hold the up or down button (okay it was up and down & I helped), she started to get the hang of it. At first she wasn’t to impressed especially when she confided in me that she thought the chair was going to throw her butt out of it. But after many (and I do mean many) attempts, she finally got the hang of it.
So, by the time my Dad who from this moment on shall AKA be the Farmer (hehe love ya Dad) got home my Mom was gently lounging in what she termed “the chair that won’t throw my butt out of it”
Tune in for many more stories about “the chair”.
Ok…I’m back to normal…sometimes after a meltdown it takes time to approach things with a different perspective. I think I have managed to do that. If nothing else my sense of humor is back…
You see…Mom has no idea I “lost” it and that’s a good thing. Dad on the other hand knows I lost it and watched me kinda close yesterday….(Thanks Dad, but I’m really ok). Especially after the story my Dad told me yesterday morning. You see…Dad always gives Mom her morning pills at 8am and then I get her outta bed and in time for her 10’s (that would be a.m.’s). Well he got her up for her 8’s yesterday and according to the conversation Dad told me it kinda went like this. Dad: come on Annie time for your pills…. Mom: I’m dead. Dad: no you’re not because if you were dead you would not be talking to me. Mom: I’m dead. Dad: nope your HOT and if you were dead, you would be cold. Mom: Are you sure I’m not dead? Dad: uhm…nope your alive now take your pills……
Then I arrive and get Mom up and the first thing we always do is what I call the helicopter….I pull her up into a sitting position and swing her legs to the side of the bed so that her feet can touch the floor….well she was a lil’ fiesty yesterday because when we did the helicopter, she started flapping her arms and I asked her if she was taking off. Well she replied with she was gonna try flying… uhm..huh..well okay. We proceeded to do her exercises and she started going to town once her limbs loosened up. When her bath was done and she was dressed and up with her walker…she started to do the can-can. (Seriously) I told her to settle down. Then we did a lap and on passing my Dad, he told her “Good Morning beautiful” and she replied with ” Good morning you handsome young lad” Ok WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???? Oh yea…they are my PARENTS.
Yesterday was a REALLY REALLY good day. Mom did all of her laps and was full of well…I dunno what she was full of, but the day consisted of talking about crickets (that will be a different blog) , cats( that was this morning’s blog and the first thing my Dad said was I need to put my cat on a diet geesh?????) , & faces (Mom knows everybody cuz they look like someone she knows) She sang to the Waltons…(YES..we watch them everyday)..and was happy because I had made chili and honey cornbread for dinner.
Today, was a good day as well…Mom wasn’t as fiesty as she was yesterday, but still full of something. We did the normal morning routine…and I sat her in her chair and went into the kitchen (followed by “the girls”) to cook breakfast. I was cooking bacon and the girls were ME-OWING rather loudly, when Mom said to me “I Love you Joanne”. I stopped what I was doing and went over and hugged her and told her I loved her too. THAT’S why I do what I do, because the love that the 3 of us share is PRICELESS. But the giggles and laughter that we all share make up for the tears that are shed.