Things have been a little crazy in my world lately. Between extra meds and Momma‘s behavior over the meds, it’s been a little chaotic.
For a couple of days, Momma had some serious hallucinations, and it was really hard to get her to calm down. The poor Farmer was at his wit’s end at one point. It took me 3 hours to get her to calm down and to realize that the things she was thinking or seeing, were really and truly not there, nor were they true.
It was like a little light bulb went off in her head, when she finally calmed down and realized I was speaking the truth. I do have to admit, I did have some help. Little Cam-man was very concerned about Momma and actually climbed up into her bed yesterday, grabbed her face with his little hands and looked her in the eyes, and said “Wub You Geema”. While she may not have remembered somethings, she knew who he was, and promptly said “I Love you to Cam”. There was a couple of kisses then, and then the Farmer spent some one on one time with her, and she came back to normal. In fact, the Farmer said she spent all afternoon yesterday, chatting up a storm, and not wanting to go to bed when it was time.
I did get a call from Caregiver Beth last night, and she was concerned about an issue with Momma. After a quick frantic phone call to the Nurse, who asked some pointed questions, it was decided what the plan of action would be.
When I arrived this morning (with Cam-man in tow), we had a hushed conversation, the Farmer and I. We were both in agreement, and then decided how to put the plan into action. The Farmer had to make another trip to the “Big City” again today, so he took off, and left Cam-Man in charge.
Cam-Man is a hard worker and prompted me, to sweep, and empty all the trash cans, he refilled the coffee dispenser and we did a few other “tasks”. It was time to check on Momma, and get her cleaned up a bit. While I was getting Momma cleaned up and into dry things, Cam kept Momma busy. They were playing a game of “tickle and giggle”. I actually had to step back and just watch. I can’t exactly say how it all happened, but they were both tickling each other and giggling when the other one tickled. Cam was giggling and looked at me and said ‘Geema tickling me, I get her”. And then Momma saying “He’s tickling me, I’ll get him”. This went on for about a half an hour.
With Momma all cleaned up and meds given, I told Cam, we had to let Geema have a nap. Cam looked at me with a puzzled look on his face, and then pointed to Momma and asked, “Who?”, So, I told him, “Geema is MY Momma.” He nodded very solemn, then said “Your Momma?” and I said “Yes“. then he smiled and said “MY Geema?”. “Yes, Cam-man”. He was happy with the answer and we went into the other room for a bit.
When it was time to get Momma up, we both went back into the bedroom, and Cam-Man flipped up the shades and giggled when Momma said, “No, I don’t want to get up.”. A discussion happened and it was all very silly and full of giggles. It was decided that I would wash Momma’s hair, so Cam helped me get all the stuff ready, and when everything was in place and I was ready to start, Cam decided he had to be on the bed with Momma to hold the towel over her eyes, in case any water or soap slipped onto her face. I proceeded to wash her hair, the whole time Momma and Cam had a “discussion” of their own. Cam decided I should wash his hair, after Momma’s until she told him he didn’t have any hair, since his last haircut.
With that done, and her bath done, we were kind of at a stand still, because the Farmer had not arrived back and I cannot stand Momma up on my own. So, as if on cue, the driveway bell went off, so I went out to help the Farmer with Groceries he had purchased, and Cam-Man came flying out the back door and ran into the Farmer’s arms. We all came back inside and proceeded to get Momma taken care of.
With the last of the meds given that I give for the day, I told Cam to pick up all his toys and have “Pawpaw” help him put his toys up and get his shoes on, and his jacket too. About that time, I received a phone call, that was part of our “action plan”. I told Cam man to give Pawpaw and Geema some loving and we would go. After giving hugs and kisses all round and telling them both ‘See ya in the morning awigators”. I bundled up Cam in the car, and we took off, carrying a “specimen” to be dropped off at the Clinic.
We arrived at the Clinic, and arrived at the Lab, and were instructed to come in. Cam strutted in like he owned the joint and promptly climbed up into the seat they use to give blood. There was a Nurse there who was setting things up, because she was about to go draw blood on someone. The Nurse was so thoughtful and answered all of Cam’s questions. I had to transfer the “specimen” from the bag I had it in into a cup. With everything done, Cam-man and I both washed our hands and told the ladies Thank you. I do have to back track for a second and I will advise what we were doing.
We think Momma may have C-def, which I googled for the definition:
C Def stands for clostridium difficile, and this problem is particularly difficult for someone to cope with. The infection causes incredibly violent diarrhoea, and requires treatment through oral tablets. These are either vancomvcin or metronidazole.
The problem occurs when people take antibiotics which actually kill the healthy flora found within the colon, and the C Def takes over.
I actually know about this, as the Nurse and the Fisherdude and also Cam-Man and I have all had it, Me, not so much, but while the Nurse was working at the Nursing home she was exposed to it, and somehow it arrived at her house. Cam-Man was not even a year old when it happened, so I do have a little experience with it.
unfortunately, for a person in Momma’s condition, it can cause death. We have to let the Lab work on the specimen for about 72 hours before we know. I do feel like a bit of an idiot though. When I took the “specimen” into the lab, I took care of it, like a pro, and I wore gloves, which I always do when I work with Momma anyway. I looked a little surprised when the Technician started spraying all kinds of air fresheners in the air. I looked at them, and asked “This may seem like a stupid question”, the Tech looked at me and smiled and said “No question is stupid, please ask”. “Does it uhm…smell bad? I’m sorry but it does not smell any different to me, I guess I am just used to it.” The tech asked me “Have you done this for a while?” “I have looked after My Momma who is on the downhill slide of Stage 5 Parkinson’s for almost 3 years now”. She looked at me and then walked up to me and gave me a hug, and then said “Bless you for looking after your Momma, and no, I guess when you get used to a smell, it doesn’t bother you like it would someone else”.
After bundling Cam back into the car (where he promptly fell asleep), I reflected on this. Has, what has become normal to me, not necessarily the normal for others? I’m not sure.
But what I do know, is that Cam-man has brought some much-needed giggles, and tickles into the Farmer’s house, and it was greatly needed. If these are her last days, and no one knows for sure they are, at least they are days in our memory banks filled with laughter. And THAT is truly a Blessing……
Ok, this is not going to be another boring post about how sad I am, or how unsettled I am, or anything like that. This is a just a post warning others of some of “my” stuff.
How did I get here?
By car, I traveled some thousands of miles to move to the home State of the Farmer, so I could be close to him while going through a nasty divorce.
How did I get here?
I made a life for myself and my boys, and was scared the whole way through, but, had the love and support of the Farmer and Momma.
How did I get here?
I met a man, who was beyond my wildest dreams and fantasies who fulfilled my every wish.
How did I get here?
I made peace with my ex-husband, who I became really good friends with, since we were not married. However, he took back both of my boys.
How did I get here?
I married the man of my dreams, and we’ve lived and gone through some times, that would normally tear a couple apart.
How did I get here?
In the last 18 years, I can honestly say, through hard work and a bunch of love.
How did I get here?
Because, I will persevere: persevere verb Definition: to persist with something regardless of the obstacles, to be persistent.
How did I get here?
Because I can…..and will……
How did I get here?
I’m here, because this is the path I have chosen. It is not an easy path I travel. There are bumps, obstacles, and a bunch of other stuff in the way. But I am a warrior.
How did I get here?
By the Grace of God…..
Now, not all of you will agree with my theory, but I do believe and that is my choice.
As I sit here and look at my year in review, I am filled with a bunch of laughter, some gut wrenching heartache, and some over all goodness.
The year started a little rocky, Momma was in the Nursing home doing Rehabilitation after being in ICU for about 12 days. Momma, participated with vigor, and determination. Momma got to come home about the first part of March. The Farmer and I entered a new chapter in our lives. Stage 5 Parkinson’s was here and we have dealt with the changes, and just the over all nastiness of the disease. Momma, she just keeps plugging along.
The Electrician, who had been working on the road away from home, after about a year and a half, came home and started working at home. He’s been laid off and then back to work. We had trials and tribulations with the Wind Farms that he worked on all summer long. I don’t think, I have ever not liked a job as much as this one. He risked his life daily in unbearing heat to complete a job, that was to me, scary from the beginning. I waited every day for a phone call to tell me he was down from the tower. Many people suffered Heat stroke. (The Electrician did twice). I was very scared. I did not understand the love for his family, I do now. I have never had a man who would put himself at risk for me. I have been to the towers and seen them close up. Between my claustrophobia, and fear of heights, forgettaboutit….
I have accomplished 2 things on my bucket list this year. I have always wanted to go on a cruise. In fact, when I met the Electrician, I already had paid for a cruise to take with my cousins. But due to being “in love” and wanting to take my first cruise with him, I waited. May I now say I was right?
At the beginning of the year, the Electrician and I, along with his sister and parents, went on a 7 day cruise, that totally rocked my socks. We were both a little nervous, and the fact we went with his family, was in hindsight, totally awesome. The ship (or boat, as I called it), was like a travelling city. The food, out of this world, the company, was so much fun, and the sights? Even better.
One of the other things on my bucket list, was to eventually Zip Line. Yea, sounds crazy, considering all of my “phobia’s”. Guess what? My Sister in law was game, and was looking forward to it, as her and me time. Boy, did we have it. This is something I will never forget. From screaming my head off, simply because she made me go first, (something about age before beauty), to the Jamaican guides, and our whole crew that went. Part of the fun was, the rest of the “crew” saying that her and I made the whole day fun. (Uhm.. me and her together mean trouble….just sayin…)
Fun times with my family throughout the year, to celebrating Birthdays to just having conversations with my sons. To welcoming a new Daughter – in-law to the Family… It’s been a pretty good year. Our family is growing and they are all welcome to join our crazy bunch!
I’ve lost a bunch of loved one’s this year, and that touches my heart. It just seems the older I get, the more of the “older” one’s are going to rest at home. One that really reaches me. My Cousin Dick passed away this year. One of my memories that stands out to me, is 3 generations of Veterans, standing at Attention, when my cousin Burt passed away. I stood proudly with My Father, Cousin Dick and myself all at Attention and gave the final salute. I was unable to do that at Cousin Dick’s funeral. I was unfortunately sicker than a dog for that one.
I also have one bright spark in my day, no matter what I am dealing with, no matter how I feel, there is one little person on this earth, who gives me more joy than I could ever explain. I am simply…Camsgranny. I am one of many who loves this little dude, more than any of us could explain. I have seen him grow all through out his 2 1/2 years. I’ve helped, and have been his BFF on occasions. But this little dude is all boy….He loves all of us but I think between his Momma and his Papa, well…. ya know….
This year, I have found a bunch of joy, I’ve found a bunch of new friends, that truly do not even being to imagine how much they mean to me. I’ve found a bunch of heartache. I’ve found that doing what I do, has some good times and bad times. But I think I have found out, that’s what life is all about…….
I have also found my faith, Thanks to all who have brought me back to it, because I sure needed it. The rest of year in review…… I hope you enjoy my pictures…..
This would be my Momma, although this picture is 17 years old, and Momma might be a bit “glammed up”. This is her.
She is truly a beautiful woman, that I cannot describe, other than always full of laughter, and giggles. Her sense of humor is amazing.
This was probably about 10 years ago. Momma decided it was high time we had a family picture of just the 3 of us.
This is Momma with the Farmer about 1 1/2 years ago. This is when Momma could still do a bunch of things for herself, and also be able to eat, without a tube.
This is Momma and the Farmer after we had a wheelchair ramp installed so we could take Momma outside without having to struggle, this was about 3 months ago….
Like I said, I have been a Caregiver for almost 2 years now. First and foremost, let me just tell y’all, I am not a CNA, Nurse or anything else, other than a daughter, and a Mother, and a Grandma.
I have no formal training. I have done tons of research, and tried to figure out things, to make things easier for Momma. My daughter The “Nursing Student” has taught me a bunch. When Momma lived in the Nursing Home, all of those CNA’s there and the Nurses did their best to teach me what they could.
I have done things, I never imagined I would do. I have faced situations, I never thought I would. But I have to confess, today was the first time I have ever lost it and become physically sick over something I had to do. Now, to be honest, I may be wuss. Simply because I am known to have a few things that will seriously make me gag every time.
I can not handle snot, which is silly in a way, because I can wipe the Grankids nose and clean up his snot no problem, I’ve handled Momma’s snot, no problem. I can clean up $hit, no problem. I may have to clothes pin my nose, but I can clean that up. I can wipe butts with the best of them.
But then we come to my problem. With PD, Momma has trouble swallowing. She starts to cough and then to choke. This has happened a bunch TO ME lately. I know she is not saving it up just for me, but it always seems to happen when her and I are alone together.
It happened to me today, as soon as the Farmer left to go get his monthly haircut. It was a good thing I was there by 7:30 and gave Momma her 8 am meds, while the Farmer got to sleep in. I made the requested batch of Oatmeal/raison cookies (which is part of his payment for the haircut). The Farmer had been gone for about 10 minutes, when I heard it.
Momma was choking, so I rushed in there. I pulled her into a sitting position, and then I remembered some advice given to me by a really good friend, so I turned her onto her left side, and it did not stop. So, then I remembered some other advice, and I went and got a glass of water and a mouth swab, and told Momma to open her mouth. I swabbed her mouth and almost tossed cookies at what I pulled out. I did it a couple of more times, and then Momma breathed easier, and calmed down and did her breathing exercises with me. Unfortunately for me, I had to run to the bathroom and I did toss my cookies.
I lost my breakfast and then sat with my head in the toilet bowl crying. I’m not sure what happened. I felt a little stupid. Jimmy Christmas, I was in the Air Force and handled some situations worse than this what the heck? That’s when I came to the conclusion, there was a reason I was never interested in being a Caregiver, or a Nurse or anything to do with the medical field.
I got myself together and checked on Momma, who was now fast asleep and snoring. The Farmer returned, looking all “spiffy” having his ears lowered. I told him what happened, but I’m not sure he understood what I said.
It was time to get Momma up, and she had no recollection of the previous hours events. When I asked her how she felt, she replied with pretty good for an old lady. When the Farmer came in to help me get her to do her “walkabout”, (that’s what we call her journey into the front room), we did the one, two, three….that’s when she told both of us, we would miss her when she was gone. I’m used to this line of conversation, but I think today was the First time the Farmer heard it. Simply because he looked at her and asked her “Where are you going?”. Momma did not reply, and the Farmer stated to her, we would not let her go, anywhere without us.
Momma was sitting all comfortable in her chair, when I was yelling from the kitchen about the Farmer’s dinner tomorrow night and about how I would be there to help him. That’s when I guess momma looked at the Farmer and said ‘What?” We told her Beth would be there to get her up tomorrow and I would be there tomorrow night to put her in bed. Momma didn’t say another word, until I was ready to go.
I finished everything up, and went to give them both kisses Goodbye, when Momma hugged me and kissed me and told me ‘I Love you Jo, Thank you for everything you do to make me comfortable.”.
I will admit I cried on the way home, I’m not sure if it was because I tossed my cookies, or because I know something is coming and I’m not going to like it. Some people say I am looking into tomorrow, when I don’t know what it holds. The funny thing about that is, I do know what’s coming, and while I don’t really like it. We all have to face it. I truly am not being negative, but maybe I am trying to get the courage to go through it.
I do know I have the UTMOST respect for anyone in the medical field. Be it a CNA, Nurse, Doctor, EMT, Caregiver or whatever. Simply because while I can do this for my Momma, I don’t think I could do it for anybody. My heart would break too much.
Confession, it’s good for the soul, right? I’ve decided to confess some of the things that I’ve harbored lately.
I have harbored a resentment to my “Summerdryer”, although I can now confess, I’m over it, thanks to the Electrician finding a suitable replacement. I seriously like “my” new dryer, it makes a sound when the cycle is over AND it has a light in it. (My kids think I’m nuts, and told me “Welcome to 2012 Mom”. )
I’ve harbored resentment lately to my pillow. It seems it wants to Divorce me because we haven’t spent that much time together. What the heck?
Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest, whew I feel so much better, how about y’all?
I have noticed something lately though, I have kind of slacked off on my blogging. Oh, I’ll post a couple of posts one night and then not do anything the next night. I don’t think it’s because I’m in a slump. I believe that sometimes, I really can’t find the words to describe what I am feeling.
While I try to post positive things, not all aspects of my life are positive. Sometimes, I find it hard. Very Hard.
I guess, when I deal with a situation I haven’t dealt with before, I try to adapt. Sometimes, it takes a couple of times, before you just think of it as normal. Some of Momma’s behavior is becoming normal. I find that terribly sad.
It seriously tears me up inside, when Momma, has such a hard time that she gets frustrated and cries. She wants to do something and then either forgets what it is or her limbs don’t participate with what she wants to do.
The fact that she tries so hard, lets me know, she’s in there, just because some of her brain wires are not connecting, she shows me every now and then, she’s in there, and wants to come out.
Sometimes, I will confess, I monitor what I say because the Farmer reads my blog, and I don’t want him to get upset. I’m not the only one on this journey, he is to, except, I write down how I feel and he relates to it.
So, I will tell you that this past week has taken a toll on me. From asking Momma if she needs to use the potty, and her saying No, and then finding out she tells the Farmer she needs to go 20 minutes after I leave. Folks, Momma is a 2 person lift. The Farmer and I do it, the other Caretakers and the Farmer do it. I can do a 1 person lift with Momma ONLY if it is about 1:00 pm and she’s had time to let her meds sink in AND they are working properly.
Momma is getting to the point where she likes to sleep most of the day and then be a night owl. And let me tell you, she is best around 6:30 – 8:00 pm, after that she takes a quick nap and then wants to stay up most of the night. Which makes for a VERY CRANKY Momma in the morning. I must say though, that she doesn’t give me any crap. Apparently on the weekends, she likes to throw her crankiness around.
The reason this week has taken a toll on me, is I guess, I’ve seen some things in Momma, that make me sad. She is really no longer capable of writing, there is no motor coordination skills. I’ve seen her cry this past week more often than not, because she gets upset with herself, and can’t do things she once did. I had to give her a lecture and try to put the fear of God into her about playing with her G-tube.Yes, she played with her G-tube, and stretched out the valve. The Farmer called me early in the morning to tell me about it, but I kind of already knew. When I had put her to bed, and then left the room, I came back about 15 minutes later and she had the tube all scrunched up in her fingers and I gently told her to “Leave it alone”. Well, after the phone call from the Farmer, I stopped at the Nursing Home on my way over to the Farmer’s house, and they told me what to do to fix it. I got the Valve fixed and FORCEFULLY, told Momma if she messed with it again, she was going to have to go to the Hospital to have it fixed, and then the Farmer and I would not be able to take care of her. (She hasn’t it touched it since that I know of). Momma has been talking a lot about her relatives, and old friends lately. She’s told me that she’s had tea with some of her relatives, and she’s said that her dreams are pretty vivid, in that she doesn’t always remember they are dreams and thinks it is something that just happened. Something happened to me today, that made me realise just how much I focus on Momma, and my family and just exactly where the Rav4 takes me. I had gone to the Post Office in my small town, and noticed for the first time, my little town has a new BBQ restaurant. When I told the Electrician about it, he told me “Hon it’s been there for about 3 months”. Then it dawned on me, if I am not at the Farmer’s, then I’m at the Nursing Student‘s, if I’m not there, then I am at home. Folk’s I don’t go anywhere. I don’t travel around through town. I don’t know what’s going on in town. But I can tell you about the deer I see every morning in the Bean fields on my way to the Farmer’s, or the deer I see peeking out of the corn fields on my way home. I’m seriously starting to think, I need to broaden my Horizon’s and maybe, do something out of the ordinary for me. I will confess, I think I need to.
(My disclaimer) Before I start this post, I would like to pat myself on the back for not being as technology stupid as I thought I was. (hehehe, Yup, to the Famer, I found the cord, although truly you did…)
Even though Momma was feeling better from having a cold, she was kinda nervous and excited to go outside. I got her all cleaned up, and dressed, and into the front room when we “sprung it on her” Momma was a little nervous, I could tell. I told her, “Momma how about cruising around in the wheelchair, let’s say we go outside and sit in the shade of the tree in the front yard, what do you say?” “Well, if you want to I’m game, but you know I haven’t been outside since I came home”.
The Farmer and Momma left the house and started coming down the ramp, and I felt like the paparazzi. Both of them have such big grins and smiles. I took so many pictures, (uhm ok, yes, I took about 12 and I am only posting 4). It was a big day in our hood.
This one is Momma and the Farmer underneath the tree in the front yard. Momma was enjoying being outside and smelling the fresh air. She actually laughed when the breeze whipped her hair. I asked her to smile for the camera and she gave me “the thinker” instead. The Farmer looks….well…he’s my Dad, and he looks good.
This one is my favorite. Simply for the fact, both Momma and the Farmer are laughing, (I won’t tell y’all what I said to make them laugh). But let me just tell y’all, Momma post-Parkinson’s this is a memory burned into my brain. It was a lot of fun taking Momma out. There are a lot of days to come when she will ride that ramp and go outside and we will sit on the porch like we used. It’s opened up so many doors for us.
Thanks to the Guys, at Carl houseworks, (That’s not the right name, I wish I could find it but I can’t) My point is this. Momma has a whole new world opened up to her, that we used to enjoy BEFORE she had Parkinson’s, and I think she will enjoy it, now that she has Parkinson’s). Although, when I showed her the pictures, she asked “who is that woman?” “Uhm, Momma that’s you”. “I don’t look like that do I?” “Uhm, yes, you do and you are Beautiful Momma.” “Uhm okay, but are you sure that is me?”
Folk’s this is Momma before and after Parkinson’s. I really love her. Folks, I’ve had a really good couple of days….Momma is shining and working so very hard, with having a cold, not to be gross, but she’s coughed up some stuff…..well…enough said. Things are good in my hood. Hope all’s well with y’all…Camsgranny is signing off…. Hugs all round…
Well here it is 12:13 am, I cannot sleep. I just arrived home from the Farmers house, oh about an hour ago. The Farmer had his CCRA (Champaign County Rifle Association) night (with the guys). They get together and I am told he had a steak and baked potato dinner, and an awesome “guest speaker“. (yawn).
It’s been a long day for me. I
got up woke up to the Electrician kissing me goodbye, on his way to work. Um, yea I went back to sleep (sorry). I did finally surface after Ms. Baby came in and gave me “the what for” (as in get yer butt outta bed and feed me, or let me out), and she even kicked me with her back paws to make sure I understood she was serious.
Yea, yea, whatever. I got my butt outta bed and did the stuff around the house I was supposed to, and thought I’d better get things ready for the Electrician, because 1. He’s gonna be tired when he get’s home, and 2. He has class tonite, which means he’s really gonna be tired. In case you missed my post about his new job. The Electrician is working 10 hour shifts on the Wind-turbine farms.
Anyhoo, I made his lunch for tomorrow, and set his clothes out, and did those other domestic diva things I do, and then I left my house, for the Farmers.
I did the usual stuff there, and folks, let me tell you, I kinda freaked out on Sunday, because Momma was sick. She had a cold, which I did not want to turn into pneumonia, and while we are not out of the woods yet, the prognosis is good. The Farmer and I have taken extreme caution with her and given her meds for her temp, (which only spiked once). ( By freaking out, I asked everyone I knew on Facebook to put her in the Prayer chain. ) Well, let’s just say it’s working.
But I’m digressing once again, back to today. I had a really cool post that I was going to post until….well….let’s just say Camsgranny muffed up. I have to tell the Farmer tomorrow, but uhm….well…it goes back to me taking pictures with his camera (which by the way is totally awesome). The pictures I took at his house with him and the Electrician working on the yard, well… I took the pictures with his camera, but I took the memory card out of the Farmers camera to download the pictures into my computer with MY camera (which really is the Electrician’s camera), and well…uhm…I forgot to put the memory card back into his camera before I took the pictures….. OOPS….
So, for any of you technical people out there, can you tell me how to put the pictures onto the memory card and off the hard drive of the camera? Or what I have to do to get the pictures from today?
I’m not giving away what the pictures are but some help here, please?
Anyway….today was a long day filled with the Farmer and Momma and Cam-Man, but right now I am seriously to tired to go into it other than the dilemma of how to get my pictures back.
I think I am seriously not ready for technology…..cuz I always find some way to muck it up….
Sometimes, when you are hurt the most, you fight the hardest. I believe this statement tells a lot about me. Simply for the fact, when I hurt with things with Momma, I fight with the Electrician.
It’s not his fault, and it doesn’t even matter what we fight about, I’m in a fighting mood, and he puts up with me. Sometimes I am so frustrated by the things Momma deals with, that I can’t help, or even assist with, I get mad.
When I get mad, it isn’t pretty. I know this about myself. Sometimes Parkinson’s makes me so frigging pissed, because of the way it robbed someone of their dignity, and reduces them to almost a baby like state.
The fact that Momma, pooed in her pants, while she was sleeping, and when I went to get her up that morning, she rolled over like I asked her too. And then it hit me, smell, and full on. Momma started crying, and I felt so bad, for her, not me, cuz I can clean her up in no time.
But then I put myself into her shoes, and it gets ugly. I think about how she has these tremors, and then just full on freezing, and then having no control over my bodily functions, I don’t like it, not one little bit.
I’m just on the sidelines, watching what happens and being there to catch her when she falls, that’s figuratively so to speak. Momma cries a lot lately. I don’t like it, but I kinda understand. If someone (not even counting its my daughter) had to wipe my butt and clean me up, I’d be crying too.
In a nutshell Parkinson’s SUCKS big Twinkies, green ones at that.
While we have good days, we have a lot of bad one’s and ya know what? I’m in it to the end. May God Bless us that’s not gonna happen any time soon.
Someone asked me recently, What kind of life does your Momma have? She doesn’t eat, you feed her through a tube, and give her med’s and stuff, what kind of life is that? UHM excuse me, this is Momma’s life, and while she may not eat a Steak or pizza or anything like that, My Momma is here. and enjoying her life, it might not be like yours and mine but ya know what?
Momma is happy. Momma is full of life. Momma has Parkinson’s, but it’s not a death sentence, it’s just changing your way of life to accept what she has to say, and kids, she’s got a mouthful…….
I don’t do it very often, and I probably should not do it now, but I am seriously “snarky”, and I’m not even sure that is the right word.
I’m mad, nothing in particular but everything in general.
I’m mad that Parkinson’s has robbed my Momma, of dignity, the ability to do things for herself. A woman who was very “wordly”, and cared about her appearance, and the ability to be Independent. Also Her mind, that while at times, is sharp as a tack, but at other’s is like grits.
I’m mad that The Electrician has to be un-employed at this moment, because he is such a Hard worker and very good at what he does. And be nervous about us financially, and the stress he feels over decisions on whether to take a job or to wait for one that will last longer. (He is a Union Electrician). On a side note, I worry too, but I don’t tell him.
I’m mad that sometimes, I eat my shoes, because my foot goes into my mouth on a regular basis, and I hate that.
I’m mad at Cancer, because a friend of mine has now found out she is going through it AGAIN, after being a survivor.
I’m mad at situations, I can’t explain to the public right now.
I’m mad at people’s stupidity, but that’s a given.
I’m Blessed with my family.
I’m blessed with being alive.
I’m blessed with a home and food for my table.
I’m Blessed, because I can rant and rave on my blog.
I guess, while I say I am “mad” about a lot of things that are going on, when I look deeper, I am not so much as mad, as hurt, and helpless.
That which does not kill me will only make me stronger. Trust me folks, I come from a very tough stock.
Quite a few people have asked me, “Why do you take care of your Mother, instead of putting her into a Nursing Home? Then, there was the other question, “Why did you take your Momma OUT of the Nursing home?” Then the other question “You must be a Saint or a hero or something to do all that, why do you do it?”
Why do I take care of the Farmer and Momma? Because they are my parents. Also, because the Electrician has allowed me to do this. The Electrician told me to quit my job and just concentrate on the Farmer and Momma.
When he first said this, he was on the road working away from home 5 days a week and coming home on the weekends. The only thing he asked of me was that I would be home on the weekends to spend with him. That was no problem.
Since then, the Electrician has been laid off, and while I suggested I would go back to work, he knows I really don’t want to. You see, I have a job. Up until a couple of days ago, my job was to babysit my Grandson, and take care of Momma.
Now, my job is to concentrate on Momma and the Farmer. Sure, they could hire a bunch of caregiver’s, but I honestly feel Momma responds better with me, than a stranger. A therapist at the Nursing home told me, that I had the “touch” with Momma.
I take care of Momma, because I WANT to, and also because I feel the NEED to. I’m not a Saint, or a hero, but I am a DAUGHTER.
Why is Momma not in a Nursing home? Because, when Momma was in the Nursing home, while it is a perfectly good facility, they could not care for Momma like the Farmer and I do.
Parkinson’s Disease is not something pretty to watch, or deal with. But the Farmer and I have an understanding of how Momma operates. We can both tell the sign’s of an onset, and know how to make her feel better or “safe”. Sometimes, all’s it takes to calm her down is a big hug, or a hand to hold. If it is a really big onset, then I have been known to climb in the bed with her and just hold her until she calms down. You can’t get that from a Nursing home.
For us, in our situation, it is more feasible for us to care for her at home. We have 3 different “Caretakers” that come in and help to. But quite honestly, the Farmer and I are the main Caregivers.
Is it taxing? Hell yes. Are their days we wonder why we do it? Hell yes. Are their times, when we wish we could run away? Hell no, uhm…ok Hell yes.
Somedays, I feel like a glorified housekeeper of the Farmer’s house, while I will admit, sometimes my house suffers. But I have the Electrician who is helping me through this every step of the way. When I have spent the day scrubbing the Farmer’s house and doing a million loads of laundry and I’ve cooked breakfast (although, I seriously do not ever cook the Electrician breakfast). I’ve had a rough time with Momma and I just don’t feel like doing anything around my house, I come home and my Electrician has cleaned the house, done the laundry AND made me dinner. So, basically, I’m not in this by myself. The Electrician is my Caretaker, and he really does a great job.
But ya know what it all boils down to for me? The Farmer has been my Dad my whole life, Momma has been my Momma for 31 years, the Farmer needs me right now, and I would never let him deal with this on his own. To have the Electrician’s blessing is icing on my cake.
So, why am I a Caretaker? Because I am a daughter.