I’ve already filled y’all in on my Monday of this week, but after that, things kind of went downhill from there. I would have posted that post on Monday, as I had originally planned, but well, welcome to my goofy world. The post disappeared into cyber space and I have just now found it again.
maybe it didn’t disappear, and I just lost it? Who knows….onto the rest of my fun-filled action packed week…..
By Tuesday it was evident that little dude was not up to his normal stuff, and it was decided we would make a Doctor’s appointment for him. The Nurse made his appointment and due to obligations for the remainder of the week, we negotiated and I would take little dude to the Doctor by Wednesday.
On Wednesday, we headed out and did our fun-filled activities at the Farmer’s house, and left a little early so we could head to the Doctor’s. We also had a plan of action today as well. Cam-Man knew after the Doctor’s visit, he would be getting some ice cream.
We arrived at the Doctor’s and after giving the appropriate paperwork, we sat down to wait. They called Cam-Man’s name and he swaggered into the exam room. He knew what he was there for. We went out after taking off his coat, and little dude got weighed, and is now a full 30 pounds, and then measured for his height.
Back into the exam room, and the nurse asked why we were there today, Cam pointed to his ears and nose, and also his underarm. When his regular Doctor came in, she was a little disappointed that it was Meemaw and not the Nurse who was with Cam (she loves to hear the Nurse laugh). Cam told her he was coughing, and had “yucky” ears, and also a bunch of skin tags under his arm. We got our prescription and were on our way. After loading up into the Rav4, we drove home, and Cam got his ice cream.
Thursday was my double day, so I brought Cam with me in the morning, and the Farmer and Cam played for a bit, and then I came back and put Momma back to bed. I kind of had to prep her for the next day (Friday), because there were events planned she had no idea about.
When Friday am arrived, I got up in the dark, and drove over to the Farmer’s, the plan was for him to sleep in, and I would get things ready. You see, Momma was having surgery to replace her g-tube (aka tummy tube) today. Due to the surgery, I was only allowed to give her the first round of med’s in the morning with a minimal amount of water. When I woke her up and gave her the meds I told her, “We are going on an adventure today, so I will let you go back to sleep for a bit, but then I am coming in and getting you up at about 9:15 am OK?” She mumbled something but was okay with it.
When I came back to get her up, she was a little feisty, and ready to roll. Things went pretty smoothly, and I was able to get her dressed, into her wheelchair and out to the car and then into the car with no problems. She actually was kind of fun on the car ride there, because she was talking up a storm, noticing new things on the drive, and then when we arrived at the Surgery center, she kind of quieted down. After getting her out of the car and arriving, she went straight up Parks, and I knew we were in trouble.
We went in and let them know she was there. The Nurse came out and took Momma back with her, but came out a few minutes later with some questions, then came back a few minutes later with more questions, so I asked her if it was okay, if I came back with her. When I got back to the “prep” room, Momma was for lack of a better term, “Parked up”. So, I did what I normally do, and got her undressed into a gown and onto the gurney (by myself) (this is not being disrespectful to the Nurses in any way). Momma was scared. I knew this, so while I was getting her undressed and into a gown, I was making jokes and getting giggles, and trying to relieve the tension, that you could cut with a knife. I answered all of the Nurses question’s, and I kept telling Momma, she had to remember her name and ALSO her birthdate, because she was going to have to tell a Nurse that information.
Momma was prepped, and I took her picture all ready for surgery, out of privacy for Momma, I will not post it, but I did show it to her after we got home and she smiled. They took Momma off and I sat with the Farmer while the “deed was done”.
I had asked the Nurse if she would come and help after Momma had surgery, and she told me to call her when it was over. Now, I will be honest with y’all here, I know it was a routine surgery, but I am here to tell you, NOTHING with a PD patient is routine, so I was nervous. When the Doctor came out and called Momma’s name, the Farmer and I went into the little “discussion” room they have. Momma did well with flying colors, and there were only a couple of things that concerned him. After discussing the problems, we were told we could see her in about 20 minutes.
I called the Nurse, who said she would be there in a few. The Farmer and I were allowed to go and see Momma. She looked so peaceful, and had answered the Nurse’s questions about her name and birthdate. We waited while Momma came out of the anesthesia, and when she woke up, well….she wasn’t really happy with me.
The Nurse arrived and kind of took over. (THANK GOODNESS FOR DAUGHTERS). I left Cam-Man with his G’pa and went back in to help however I could but the Nurse, already had Momma dressed and into the wheelchair. (WHEW). So, I loaded up Cam into his Momma’s car, and he and I took off to go open up the house and get it ready for when they arrived.
When the Farmer arrived, we had the house almost opened up, and the Nurse got Momma into her wheelchair and we got her cleaned up and into bed. Momma was still cross with me, but she was ok.
Momma is sporting a new g-tube, and after the Nurse gave her a feeding and her meds, Momma was a happy camper. She went back to sleep, but did tell all of us, she really did love us.
So….that was my week, my weekend was another adventure, as the Electrician and I were keeping Cam-Man for another sleepover…..stay tuned for that one…..
Before I start my original post, I want to share with you something that happened to me yesterday. In a short follow-up of my post “In her eyes”, where I stated that I felt I was “unique”. The Electrician and I decided to splurge yesterday after church and we went out to “lunch”. We went to my favorite place called “The Habachi Grill”, we were celebrating the Chinese New Year, as yesterday was it. After stuffing myself silly (I burped a bunch). The time came for the check and the fortune cookies. When I broke mine open and read it, I sat for a few minutes kind of dumbfounded. The Electrician looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I showed him my “fortune” from my cookie, and he smiled at me and said “Yep, that’s you”. This is what the cookie said “Your uniqueness is more than an outward experience”. I took it to mean, that I am learning more from journey than I ever thought.
Ok, with all of that being said, I have to arrive at today. It arrived with me getting up and trying to wake up. I had planned to go over to the Farmer’s early to let him sleep in, and I have got that sneaking into the house thing down pat now. (Too bad it didn’t work when I was a teenager.)
I gave Momma her first meds of the day, when she saw it was me with my cold hands on her warm body, she kind of giggled, but then promptly fell back asleep. I got busy doing the things I do. The Farmer surfaced, and truly enjoyed sleeping in.
Momma had a Doctor’s appointment today, and while I know she gets nervous, things seemed to go smoothly, with the exception of the Farmer. I got Momma up and dressed and shiny and clean. She was all for her adventure (simply because she knew we were not leaving town today). The Nurse was coming to help get Momma into the car and go visit the Doctor with us. We needed her “Nursing skills” to help us ask the Doctor questions.
The Farmer was getting ancy because he thinks he needs at least an hour to get to a place 15 minutes away. (No offense Dad, but we still made it at the appropriate time of 15 minutes early, just sayin..) Momma was buttoned up buttercup in the Farmer’s jacket, because it has a hood on it, and we were giggling about how the hood went over her entire face. My thought was something from Star Wars….where the hoods covered all of their faces. Momma was ready to roll out to the car that the Farmer had warming up in the driveway, and he was getting a little snippy with me. The Nurse pulled into the driveway, just as we were rolling Momma out on the ramp. She jumped right in, and got Momma all seated in the back seat, and rode in the back with her.
I felt a little ousted of my “spot” in the backseat with Momma, as I had to ride in the front with the Farmer. But when I heard the giggles and love from the backseat with the Nurse and momma, I was okay. You see, it’s been a while since the Nurse has had time to spend with her Grandma, and while she’s my Momma, she is also the Nurse’s Grandma. They have a special bond, and I can see it. After we had checked in with the Receptionist, and Momma and I and the Nurse were sitting together, the Farmer was across from us, Momma actually said, looking at me and the Nurse “I love you guys so much”. I thought my heart would burst from the love between all of us today.
We arrived at the Doctor’s and the Nurse was examining Momma’s feet when the Doctor arrived in the room. Giggles were spent when the Doctor asked if he needed to look at Momma’s feet, and it was a decisive NO from the Farmer, Momma, Me and the Nurse. The exam went well, and everything is normal. Well…as normal as it can be with Parkinson’s. We were advised to try some therapy on Momma and a heating pad too, because of Parkinson’s her muscles tend to spasm, and we need to massage them more to give her some comfort.
We set up another appointment to have her (as the Farmer stated) tummy tube replaced. (It is actually a feed tube, and that is not the correct term). Momma has another appointment to change her feeding tube, she will have to go through another surgery, and we made the appointment for a time we will all be available.
We loaded back into the car and arrived home, and then gave Momma a break, she was much more relaxed when she was at home, because Home is her safe place. I know this. I cannot even begin to explain what it meant to Momma and I and the Farmer to have the Nurse go on this trip with us. Momma sure enjoyed it, and even made some giggles with the Nurse. The Nurse even mentioned to me a couple of times how much she has missed Momma. The funny thing to me, and ok, this next part might be graphic, but when we got Momma home the first thing we did was to put her on her toilet. I believe she was happy about it because she did her business. But when it came time for the cleaning up part, I was the one that put on the gloves, and cleaned Momma up. I looked at the Nurse, and told her, “Uhm, I realize you are an LPN now and you don’t do this anymore huh?”. Momma and the Nurse both laughed, because Yep, it’s true.
Today, was a day that is filed in my memory banks, it was truly a GOOD day. Thank you to my daughter the Nurse, and thank you to the Farmer who did not have a heart attack because he thought we would be late.
But most of all, Thank you to Momma, who is truly a trooper, and has the strength of someone I can only wish to be. I Love My Momma.
While the title of the blog is for today, I realize that most people will read this on a Tuesday.
Today is the start of a New Year week for me. I am going to be giving Caregiver Beth Mondays off from now on. So, today was my “double day”. Add to the fact that I let the Farmer sleep in and arrived at exactly 7:47am at his house and snuck in the door. I guess I was quiet because nobody stirred, except for the 2 kitty’s. They saw me arrive and then begged for treats, which I gave them. I made myself a cup of coffee, and then got Momma‘s meds ready.
I went in and she was snoring. I took her temp, listened for “bubbles” and then gave her the meds. Then I played let’s roll Momma all over the bed, to get her dry. She slept through the first part, and was grumpy with the second part.
With Momma all settled, I proceeded to look at yesterday’s paper and cut some coupon’s and then figure out what I was going to make for breakfast. I guess the Farmer was sleeping soundly because he didn’t surface for a bit, heck, I had already swept the kitchen and dining room and did some other cleaning before he made his way out.
When he did make his way out I had to laugh at the “girls” they both acted like they had never had any treats this morning, and he gave them a couple more. The Farmer and I talked for a bit and I made breakfast, and then off down the road he went, he had some errands he had to do.
I did those domestic diva things, I am supposed to do at my house but, with my Electrician laid off right now, he doesn’t give me a chance to do them. Uhm, I’m not complaining either, a Man who cleans up after me, does my laundry, and cooks for me is pure sexiness. But again I digress….
I had a wild thought in my head today, that I wanted to “clean” Momma’s room and also make it a little bit more “safe” for her. Time flew away from me, but since I was coming back this evening, I didn’t sweat it. I took care of stuff and then flew back down the road to my house a little earlier than normal, simply because I was coming back tonite.
During most of my day, I received a phone call from the Nurse, who asked me if she could come over tonite, because she wanted to spend time with us tonite, before she starts back up with school next week. Knowing that I would be gone tonite with Momma, I set her and the Electrician up to have some “Daddy and Daughter and Grandson” time. From what electrician told me it was hit. I made some chili last night and tonite was what I call chili spaghetti. It was a hit with the Nurse, and the Electrician. From what I’ve been told, the Nurse and the Electrician and Cam-Man had a good evening together. I am so glad. It appears there was more than one “Daddy Daughter” nite tonite.
I cooked for the Farmer tonite, I made him something I like to call “polka keilbasa scalloped potato’s with peas and carrots. Apparently it was a hit, because there was nothing left over.
When I came back tonite to the Farmer’s I got busy with Momma’s closet. After about 10 trips of taking stuff down to the basement, I have made her room “safe” for her. I was really pleased with everything I had done, and the Farmer even said it was better. Momma? She liked it, and while she has been for lack of a better word, good all day, she and I kind of lost it at the end.
I will say this, My emblem that hangs from my mirror on the Rav 4 which has all three of our birthstones in it, is one of the best gifts I have ever received. Simply for the fact, when I left there tonite, I looked at it, and I reflected on my day.
I have come to the conclusion, Parkinson’s Disease SUCKS. I have come to the conclusion, I Love my Momma, I have come to the conclusion, I am Blessed with everything I am given at this point. While the Farmer is living it day-to-day, I do not. I have spent this past weekend without dealing with it. Forgive me for being selfish, because I was. But after not having to deal with it for 2 days, I am a little shell-shocked at the progression of even 2 days. While the Farmer does not see what I see, I am thankful.
It is what it is. Ours is just the path to travel. My only hope, and I know this to be true, is Momma knows she is loved, and taken care of. The funny thing about that? She does.
I’ve had a hard time lately, trying to figure out what I was going to post about. It’s like I lost my “blogging mojo” so to speak. With so much going on in my life right now, I’ve kind of stepped back. While I have pretty much laid it all out there for all of you to take this journey with me, I’ve found lately, I’ve been smacked in the face with some things that are to personnal to put out into my blogging world.
I guess, it’s because this blog has been written from my heart, and I truly don’t know what I am going to blog about, until I sit down at my computer. This blog has helped me to express, my feelings over some situations that are hard for me to go through. It’s become my outlet, so to speak.
I did not realize how much it meant to me, until last night. Yesterday, I was hit with a situation that tore me up. I wanted to blog about it, but, my internet went down last night at about 6 pm. We even called the Fisher Dude to come over and try to help us get it back up and running.
After being on the phone for umpteen hours, we were advised that the problem was at their end and not ours. Psst… Thanks to the NURSE for letting us kidnap her husband for a bit.
Yes, I said NURSE, The Nursing student is still a “student” so to speak, But at this time she has achieved her LPN, status, and is working towards her RN status. Her Father and I are very proud of her.
But yet again, I am sidetracked. Last night, when I could not blog, I wrote a letter in my notes, on my computer. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. I felt I had to write it, and I am a little hesitant with sharing it with y’all. I will do it, simply because, No One should feel this way. I am opening myself up, and I hope someone hears the message
“I am a tortured soul. I received a phone call this morning that has torn me in two. Sometimes, a Mother does not know what her child needs, and we get all torn up inside and only hope and pray we know what to do. Me? Nope, I have no idea at this point.
I got a phone call this morning from my youngest son. I was a little startled. “Mom, I saw Dad this morning”. Uhmm “what?”
Let me just advise y’all that “Dad” committed suicide about 3 years ago.
“What the heck are you talking about?” I asked, fear surrounding me. Yes, my youngest son tried to follow in his Father’s footsteps. I get chills just talking about it, and I am so torn I’m not sure what to do.
I gave him my faith, and told him over and over , “No, No, No”. I also told him, when he said it was unsuccessful, that God has oh so many plans for him.
I don’t know how to respond to this. I am totally floored, and am in unfamiliar territory. I don’t know what to say or
do to make it right. I’ve been told by other’s it’s not up to me to make it right.
I’m praying so hard right now, I can’t even begin to tell you. The Electrician has asked me all day if I am okay. I don’t think I am. I am not trying to put myself on the pity pot, I am a very strong person. I am lifting the whole situation up to God, and am praying fiercely that he will take care of my son. I’ve also prayed to my son’s Father. Don’t let him follow in your footsteps.
I have faith, and I am floundering. I realize that I like to control situations, and I have accepted the fact there are some situations I cannot control.
I’m not trying to control this one, because simply I have accepted I have no control, But, at the same token. God take care of my Baby, and let him know there are always other answers, than ending his life. While there is pain, let him know that He is loved, by YOU and also by me. Amen.
I learned a long time ago, that it is going to get worse before it gets better, but at the same token. I believe.
I have typed this tonite into my notebook, simply because I am having internet problems, if I choose to print this when I get my internet back, well…okay, if I choose not to, well okay.
But I have learned some things through my blogging, and that is I have to write about the emotion before it eats me up and spits me out.
This one is a slow killing me softly so to speak. Because truly I do not know how to act, or react, or just be. This one has hurt me, that my Son feels he cannot go on.
I’m angry, hurt, frustrated, and so very sad. That the only legacy or message my ex-husband could leave my kids, was if it gets tough, and hard to live through life, then end it.
What the heck kind of message is that? Jimney Christmas, life is hard, sometimes it truly sucks, but you keep on plugging and go through it.
If you have pain, in your life, fix it, or understand it, Don’t Give up.
To my Son, I say this, You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’ve had a hard burden you have carried, LET IT GO, YOU are not your Father, YOU have a future, if you just open your eyes, and your heart, and forget all of the other BULLSHIT. I Love you with all of my heart, sometimes I cannot always come through for you, but please, do not kill me by ending your life.
At noon today, take a pause in what you’re doing or thinking about. Make a note of it, and write a post about it later.
Today, at high noon, I was giving Momma her medicine. The Electrician and I had come over to the Farmer’s house about an hour ago. We were spending the day with my Mom and Dad, because it is Christmas.
When I read the Daily Prompt this morning, I kind of took it into my head. But today is a little special in my book.
I thought about what I normally do everyday at high noon, and the funny thing about it, is I do the same thing every day at high noon. I give Momma her meds. Because, My Momma is a stage 5 Parkinson’s person. She gets medicine 7 times a day. She gets feedings 5 times a day through her g-tube. When I started thinking about it, I’ve done pretty much the same thing at high noon now, for about 9 months.
Today was a little special though, today is Christmas. A year ago this day, I never thought we would make it. We have and Momma is still smiling and giggling.
When I got Momma up after giving her a bath, I asked her, “What is your Christmas wish Mom?” to which she replied in all seriousness, “To not $hit on the floor”. The Farmer and I exploded into giggles, and assured her, we would not let that happen.
We exchanged gifts, and Momma , tore hers open with a zest. She received a new sparkly sweater and was truly happy. Unfortunately about 10 minutes after opening gifts, Momma went straight up Parks, on us.
Some days now, the medicine works, some days it does not. But to be able to see Momma in that time span, be happy and giggly, and winking at the Electrician whom she has not seen in a while, well, it was my Christmas present.
The Electrician stepped into my world today, and I truly thank him for this. He was a trooper, because the Farmer, Electrician and I had a really good dinner of Prime rib, sweet potatoe casserole and asparagus. This was before we got Momma up, because it’s rude to eat in front of her, and to be truthful, we have not eaten nor drank in front of her since she came home. While I was getting Momma up, the Electrician was in the kitchen, doing dishes and cleaning.
We all settled down after exchanging gifts, we had all gotten into the “Cowboy movie marathon” on the t.v. I don’t know what it is about John Wayne, but I can remember when I was a kid, the Farmer and I would watch his movies for hours.
Momma was agitated though, so I felt it was time for her and the Farmer to have some quiet time, so the Electrician and I packed up and came home. While we were supposed to stop at the Nursing Student and Fisher dude’s house, I was too full, and just wanted to come home, and basically, I’ll be truthful here, put on my jammies, and take a nap.
I will admit though, that my Christmas present from the Nursing student was installed in my car today, and I looked at it on the way home, and reflected.
Sometimes, when things seem bad, there is a way to make them better. With Momma, I am thankful and truly Blessed everyday, I get to see her and spend time with her. Today, the Electrician saw what I deal with daily. Today was a good day.
While my Christmas Journey is over, I’ve learned a bunch, I have also made new traditions, made a ton of memories, and have cherished every minute. With that being said, that doesn’t mean that the lessons, and journey are over. Because life is a lesson, and the journey continues. Maybe the past few days have shown me, how truly Blessed I feel, and am.
But just to keep it real, I think I may need to go on a diet, simply because I have eaten so much in the last few days, jeans are a little tight, and whew, I’m glad I survived the food coma.
Today is Day 3 of new traditions for my house over Christmas time. Today was semi-normal, and I got up ( I may or may not have over slept). I did some things around my house, (I may or may not have played on Facebook, seriously 19 games of Words with Friends, really does take a little time).
I arrived at the Farmer’s and he was getting worried about me, because I was a BUNCH later than usual. I scooted him out the door to run and go do his errands. I checked on Momma who was sleeping peacefully. I did a few things around the house, and there was not much to do. Caregiver Beth, takes good care of the Farmer and Momma.
When the Farmer returned, I made him lunch and then got Momma up. I didn’t hang out as long as I normally do, because today I had other plans. The Farmer was a little surprised, but went with my plans.
I drove home and then got busy. I made some hot chicken wings, and some shrimp wrapped in bacon with some jalapeno’s (they were seriously good), then put together a smoked sausage and cheese tray.
The Nursing Student, and Fisher Dude with both Grand boys were spending this evening with us. They arrived, all in their p.j.’s, which was cool, because the Electrician and I were both in our p.j.’s.
The Nursing Student brought some of the food from her house, and we all chowed down first. Then? We got busy While the other night at the Nursing Student’s House, we exchanged gifts with everyone else, we had held back our gifts for the Grand baby boys, and the Nursing Student and Fisher Dude. You see, the Nursing Student wanted to start a New tradition for her boys.
The Nursing Student, and Fisher Dude (and the Electrician and I) wanted it to be a new tradition for the boys to have Christmas Eve with us, and then Christmas Day with the boys other Grandma. Kind of like spreading the wealth so to speak.
We opened gifts, and played, and just hung out together. We had so many giggles, and belly laughs that it was truly a wonderful evening. New traditions were born tonite, and I am sure there will be many more.
I do have to say something though. I received a gift this evening that meant the world to me. While I have loved everything I have received, this was a gift from the heart.
I have to back track for a minute, A couple of weeks ago the Nursing Student called and asked me when the Farmer’s birthday was. She already knew when Momma and my birthday was.
The pictures do not do this justice. I have to explain something else. When I leave the Farmer’s house everyday after taking care of my Momma, I reflect on things that have happened, giggles that were shared, and other stuff.
This beautiful thing, is to hang from my rear view mirror, It has Momma’s, the Farmer’s and my birthstones on it. And it says the following
“She is clothed in strength and dignity. and she laughs without fear of the future ~ Proverbs 31.25”
I guess I am amazed, that the Nursing Student and Fisher Dude…they truly get me, and offer me strength without even knowing it. This is going into my car first thing in the morning. I will look at this and reflect, and know, I have the love and strength of my family behind me on my journey.
I hope that all of you have the Blessings of love, because tonite, I am realizing, I sure do.
Today, was the second day of my Christmas Journey. I posted last night, that our family was into making some new traditions. Today, dawned bright and sunny. The Electrician and I got up and prepared to go somewhere we don’t usually go. Don’t get me wrong, the Electrician and I have religious beliefs, we just choose to exercise them in a different manner.
Today, we went to Church. the Grand baby boys were in there first ever Christmas program. Let me back up a few here though, because there were a couple of giggle moments, before we ever arrived.
This morning, we got a call from the College student asking where the Church was. After giving her directions, she needed more info, to enter them into her GPS. Then I got a call asking me if I was wearing jeans to the Service. I guess I am “old School”, because in my day, you NEVER wore jeans to Church. Going to Church meant you got your “Sunday Best” out and got dressed and then went to Church. I remember (okay, so it might have been a LONG time ago,) getting a special outfit to wear for Christmas Service and an Easter outfit too.
But I digress. The Electrician and I hit the road and went to Church. There were quite a few people there that we know, and it was nice to see them. The Service today was different from anything that the Electrician and I remember. Instead of pews, there were tables set up and it was more of, a “dinner party atmosphere” for lack of better words.
I thought it was AWESOME!!! Our whole family had a table, and it was kind of personal during the Service. The Electrician and I have been to this Church a few times, and each time we’ve gone, we’ve enjoyed it. Today was no exception.
The Service started out with the Children’s program. Both Grand boys were in it and it seemed to be going pretty good.
Brayden boy was up front (so were we), and he stared at the Nursing Student and his Daddy and all of us, as he performed his songs. He knew he was doing okay, because we all gave him the thumbs up sign, which he gave back to us, several times throughout the songs.
Cam-Man was doing good for the first few minutes, he was doing what he was supposed to, and singing with the best of them until……
He saw all of us sitting at the table right next to the stage. He saw his Momma and cried the rest of the way through the song. When the song was over, he ran to his Momma, screaming at the top of his lungs, “MOMMA”. You have to remember he’s had a rough couple of days.
The Aide grabbed him and took him in the back, where the kids normally have Sunday School. Uncle Nate, didn’t handle that well, and he went and scooped up Cam-Man and brought him to sit with the rest of us, while the kids finished the program. Cam-Man looked at his papa and said “Papa, Church with me?” We both looked at him and nodded our heads and said ‘sshh”. He was a happy camper who went back to the kid’s Church room when the program was over.
The Service was a good one, and it felt right. When it was over, the Electrician and I came home to change clothes and go back to the Nursing Student’s house for another “family get together to eat more food”.
I do have something serious to say here though, I found out Caregiver Beth’s Father passed away late last night. My heart is with you Beth, and I called her and we had what I hope was a good conversation. The fact that you donated his body for the lives of other’s is amazing. While I know it hurts, I hope you believe, that donating his organs is helping other people have a life they might not have, YOU are a hero in my eyes. Your Father is giving life to many other’s because of organ donation. Your gift, has given many others a Christmas, they might not have had otherwise, and while I know it hurts you, I am so proud of you, I can’t explain. Just know, we are here for you too.
I have learned a bunch on this Christmas Journey I am on. I just hope, that everyone, no matter where you are, no matter what your circumstances, can find a little joy, peace and love in your heart.
See this little dude? He gave us the scare of our lives last night. I can write about it tonite, because he is okay. The Electrician and I were relaxing and in our p.j.s when we got a hysterical phone call from the Nursing Student, she was pretty hysterical at the time, and it was a little hard to decipher . When the Electrician hung up the phone and moved into action, I was right behind him. We threw on boots, and hoodies, and down the road we went.
Apparently our little Cam-man thinks he truly is a Monkey and can climb onto anything. He had climbed onto his dresser to get to his t.v. that was on top of it, and all came crashing down on him. The Electrician and I went flying down the road, and scooped up the Nursing Student and Cam Man. He clung to both his Momma and I, and was rattled. When I asked him if he was ok, he said yes, when I asked him if it scared him he said yes.
The Electrician drove all of us in a car familiar to us. (It’s my old car I gave to the nursing student). The weather last night? It sucked major twinkies…Snow, ice and just otherwise nasty conditions. We pulled up to the ER and the Nursing student and Cam Man got out of the car, and the Electrician and I went to park it, when we ran into the Fisher dude. He had left work to come see what had happened to his son.
I have never felt as helpless as I did last night. Well actually I have, but I am learning something. It’s one of those “lessons”, I keep talking about. The Electrician and I hung around until it was time to take Cam-Man back for some tests. The Electrician still had to go to work today, and well it was kinda late. We said our good-byes, and headed down the road.
This is where it gets funny…so I may have a warped sense of humor, but, the Electrician and I are at the stop light and he asked me, “What are all these lights on the dashboard mean?” I lean over and look, and it hits me…”Uhm, honey, she needs some anti-freeze, but that one light? You had better hit a gas station soon, because we have about 1 mile to go and we are gonna be in trouble. ” So, we pull into the gas station pronto, and then it hits both of us, we flew out of the house, I had nothing on me, the Electrician’s wallet was in the Truck, but it ended up being in his hoodie pocket. It had exactly $7.00 in it, and that’s what we put into the Nursing Student’s car for gas. We got to her house and parked her car, and grabbed out truck and flew home.
The Electrician went to bed, but did not sleep very well, me? I stayed up just praying and hoping everything was okay. We all got very lucky with lil dude, he was ok. WHEW… this lil dude is all boy and will give us a few more heart shakers I believe this.
Today, I was supposed to stay home all day, but Caregiver Beth has had a hard time lately. Her Dad has had a couple of strokes and things are not looking good. While I went over and got Momma up, I was a little frustrated. I have a bunch of things that I felt I needed to get done.
But to tell you the truth, when I got home tonite, and the Electrician has been with me on this journey….We had already had plans for tonite…we did our thing….We shut off all the lights and watched The Polar Express, and cuddled on the couch. We both cried at certain parts of the movie….
I’m at peace with everything. I can’t explain it.. I don’t want to even try. I know in my heart I Believe…Period….
The screen was ready and I had already planned about what I would write, I’ve been absent from my blog for a few days. I gave no warning, and really did not mean to forget you, but sometimes, life gets in the way of the best laid plans.
Tonite’s post was supposed to be about, how I’ve been oh so busy the past few days, and while that is true, I’ve had other issues.
I’ve been for the past few days, doing ‘double time” at the Farmer’s. Caregiver Beth was sick. So for a few days, not only did I go over and spend most of the day at the Farmer’s house, I went back in the evenings and put Momma to bed.
Now for me, it’s a given, Momma is one of my priorities. While I have missed being home, I’ve also missed putting Momma to bed at night. She sort of rallies at night and becomes a bit more livelier at night, than she is during the day.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve kept the home fires going at the same time. The Electrician has come home to his meals prepared and ready to be heated up, AND I’ve done all those domestic diva things that I normally do.
Momma is holding her own, she gets a little whacky sometimes, but that is to be expected. Yesterday, she did so well, that I gave her a couple of sips of coffee in the morning, and when I went back that evening…well… ok, I may or may not have snuck her a couple of spoonfuls of gravy, Which she swallowed. I also may or may not have snuck her a couple of spoonfuls of orange sherbet Which she swallowed.
When I arrived today, it was kind of funny. Things have been crazy today. I arrived at the Farmer’s and got his list for the store and went shopping. GASP, YES, I went shopping AND might I say pretty darn proud of myself for staying UNDER budget,
I arrived back at the Farmer’s with ALL of my purchases, and the Farmer was pretty happy with all I had gotten. I wrapped some gifts that went under the tree, and then went to get Momma up. Momma was a little ray of sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day. For real folks, it’s snowing, blowing and just down right nasty here today.
Momma picks out the colors she wants to wear each day. Today it was a Ms. Kitty Sweatshirt and some sweat pants. Momma did good today, While I recognize that I am very territorial, and I might hover over her a bit. I’m kinda sad that I do not get to put her to bed tonite.
I’ve made some serious memories of Momma lately, and that’s a good thing. Because I know those memories will keep me going for a good long while. But ya know what? I’m going to keep on making those memories….as long as Momma lets me.
I truly believe we are each given something by each person that comes into our lives. It’s our journey to find out what it is. I think I know what Momma is teaching me in a subtle way, it’s taken me a while to understand it. But I think I am learning the lesson here. I’m just not ready to share it.
Have you ever had a day when just too many things are going on, and you just wanna do nothing?
When you feel a grief inside, and cannot explain it, but you feel it all the same?
When you try, and nothing you seem to do can make things better?
When instead of feeling that things are ok, they are not?
When you worry about things, that are out of your control, and you know this, but you worry just the same?
When you become consumed by certain things, and some people just don’t seem to understand?
When people tell you, you have changed, and maybe you have, but they also do not walk in your shoes?
Sometimes, things just get out of control, and while you try your best to keep them in control, you may forget and allow somethings to fall to the side.
Sometimes, you need to realize, when you think you have it under control, you really don’t.
But the thing is, what would you do if you walked in my shoes?
Would you be as caring?
Would you spend your time giving something to someone else, that you love with all your heart?
Would you sacrifice some part of your life for another part of your life?
Sometimes, we do what we have to do, we do what we feel the need to do.
Maybe I have changed, but at the same token, if you walked in my shoes, would you do the same?
Sometimes it is just hard to be a Caregiver, and my family my suffer because of it, I am sorry for all of the things, I have failed to do. I am sorry if I have hurt any of my family members feelings, because I am a Caregiver.
Maybe I am being selfish, and I hope they can understand this. This is my Momma, While it is sometimes hard to comprehend, what lengths would you go to for your parents?
Sometimes there are too many emotions on this roller coaster, and I am trying to deal with all of them and still let my family know I love them with all of my heart.
Maybe I have lost a part of myself by doing this. But it is a part, that I would gladly give up, simply because of a love for my Momma. Because when this journey ends, I will have a life long of lasting memories of a woman, who loves me beyond all recognition and who at this time needs me, and wants me to be there.