Tag Archives: Parkinson

Taking a Minute….

I think some one has hit the fast forward button on my life at the moment.  Sometimes, I don’t know if I am coming or going, if I’ve already been there, or if I have yet to get there.

Today, was another long day for me, and I have one more and then, gasp, I may have a whole day to MYSELF, and just enjoy the heck out of it.  Ok, for those of you that know me, you are already laughing KNOWING, it won’t go that way, but a girl can hope can’t she?

Please, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do.  I take care of my Dad and my Momma and my Grandson too, but sometimes, I feel overwhelmed, and see things going by at a rapid rate.  I like to slow down and at least enjoy the moments.

I had to laugh at one part of today.  Cam and I were on the way to Papa Dan’s, and now that Cam has started “driving” so to speak, he wanted to know where we were.    He pointed out to me the “Watter” and also he knew where the cows were.  But he got confused because we went the back roads, country way instead of through town.    He made me giggle, when he constantly asked me “Jo?  Corn or beans?”  After explaining to him the difference and what they looked like, I let it go.  But on the way home, he pointed out to me the difference between the corn and beans, and I simply had to giggle.  Little Dude is only 3 now, and he is learning. (I will expand on the statement about my 3-year-old grandson driving on another post.)

After dropping Cam-Man off at his Momma’s and visiting for a bit. I have to digress for a minute and  have to say, the Nurse came over and had coffee with me yesterday morning, before I went to Papa Dan’s and I so enjoyed, just sitting on the back porch, chatting , watching Cam in the Sand box, and just peace all around us.

I seem like I am all over the map, but that is because my mind is going 1000 miles an hour and I am trying to grasp everything.  Could someone just please push the pause button.

Ok, back on track.  When I went back to Papa Dan’s tonite, Momma was just pure joy to be around.  She did everything she was supposed to and arrived in her bed, with giggles.  Somewhere along the line, she got upset.  When I came back after dumping her trash, she was in tears, and when I asked her what was the matter, she asked me “Did I get you into trouble?”  “Uhm, No Momma, it’s me Jo”.  She looked at me and then went on with some story her mind had made, and thought she had gotten me into trouble.  After a few more minutes of talking to her, she looked at me, and said “I remember you, you are my daughter right?”, “Yes, Momma, I am your daughter, Joanne”.    With everything right in her world again, she calmed down, and held my hand and kissed me and went to sleep.  It’s moments like that I want to pause, soak up each thing, and remember.  For a few minutes, she was herself, and was okay.

I have to be able to find a few minutes each day to take out for myself, because to be honest, I feel thin.

Sometimes, I have learned with Caregiving, and I am not just a Caregiver to Momma, I am with my Dad, my Grandson, and to my husband, and the rest of my family, sometimes, I would just like to sneak away and have a few moments, where I don’t have to worry about nothing.

The Nurse asked me today, “When do you have a minute for yourself?”, and that started me thinking.  Maybe, I need to start taking minutes for myself.    I think I have found my answer.  I love music.  If I can have a couple of minutes, with earphones in my ear, and no one watching, I’m gonna start shaking my butt, with earphones, and let loose.

So…if your hear on the news tonite, that some 51-year-old woman is shaking her groove thing, with earphones in her ear, and the house blows down because of shaking, ask yourself, Was this Camsgranny’s house? Yup, it could be…..:)

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Torn up, and guilt….

This one is off the cuff, and I promise not to delete it in the morning.    I’ve done that a bunch lately.  I have made a post and then wiped it off the face of the earth, because it left me feeling vulnerable..

Before I get into what  I really want to say, I just have to mention, I truly had have a wonderful day.  Today was Cam-Man’s 3rd Birthday, and the Electrician and I decided we are not moving anytime soon.  It’s ok, because I truly need to be here for other reasons.  Besides, that Cam-Man dude has wormed his way into his Papa and my hearts.

 

A friend, or shall I say Brother, has had a hard time lately.  His Momma was affected with something kind of like my Momma is.  Her time was up, and she was surrounded by her family, and she crossed over. So to speak.  His pain is great, and I feel it, because at the same token, I am dealing with some of what he did.

I look at death with a different eye these days.  It should not be a means for “selfishness”.  Because we are truly selfish for our reason’s for keeping someone who has suffered enough to be here, simply because it will crush us, to have them go away.

It has taken me some time to get to this point.   Why do we want our loved one’s to suffer, because we cannot let them go?    At the point I am at, let them go.  Let there be no more pain, let there be no more, what if’s.  If they are suffering and have no quality of life,   Let them go. 

I truly believe there is a ‘Rainbow Bridge” for animals, and I believe there is a Rainbow bridge for humans. 

I truly haste the suffering, and I hate the disease’s.  Any of them, be it Cancer, be it Alzheimer’s, be it Parkinson’s.  Any of them.  I don’t like what they do to a person, nor do I like what we, as family members have to deal with.  It ain’t pretty by any means, way, shape or form.  Sometimes the pain for the person suffering through “whatever” they have just hits us smack in the face, and Man does it hurt.

I know what is expected from me, I deal with what I can, but sometimes, on this road, I stumble and fall, but I get right back up and go with it.  That’s all I can do.

So, while y’all are out there dealing with whatever you deal with, just stop and think for a moment.  Do I really have it that bad?  Because 9 times out of ten you don’t.  

It’s taken me a LONG time to realize all of this.  I have a roof over my head, I have food to feed my belly, I am in control of all my body parts, (so far),  Before I even begin to think I have it rough, I sit back and look at others.  I’m not judging, I’m simply saying….Momma is still alive, and doing good.  I have my health, I have peeps I love beyond all recognition, and God is smiling on me. 

If nothing else, hug your kids and give them extra kisses, if your Mom and Dad are still alive, LET them KNOW how much they mean to you.  Don’t ever look back and say “I wish I had…”  Do it now,.

No regrets.  

 

 

 

Today….how it affected me…

Today, was a little different for me….it was a “fly by the seat” of your pants type of day.  I  got a call last night from the Nurse, asking me if I would watch Cam man today.  Pfft….is there any answer but yes?

So when the Electrician came into the bedroom and “gently” asked me to get up, I woke up swinging.  By that I mean, my hair was askew, and I tried to surface.  I grabbed the cup of coffee that was sitting there for me (Thank you honey).  I got the bed made and then got dressed.  By the way, have I mentioned how much I HATE to get up early?

I traveled over and arrived at the Nurse’s house before I was supposed to be there, and hehehe, she didn’t look any better than me, but all’s I had to do was deal with Bella the dog, and crawl on the couch, she had to go to work.

Bella and I made peace and we were both settling down to go back to sleep, but oops, Cam Man arrived.  Blanket in tow, and did not want to go back to sleep.  Sigh….After getting all his stuff together, telling Bella by, our day started.

Arriving at my house, and getting another cup of coffee and a mug of chocolate milk, we were ready.  While I will admit to laying on the couch with Cam man while “Curious George” came on, after he was done, me and Cam got busy.

Cam decided the clothes we brought over for him, wouldn’t cut it, he went into what I like to call the “blue room” and opened the drawer and dragged out his “Buzz lightyear” shirt and wanted to wear that today. So,it was.

Cam and I proceeded to breakdown a whole chicken, cuz, I was making fried chicken for dinner.  We made papa’s lunch and a pasta salad, and then decided it was time to go.  We did a few more things, but it’s ok.

On our drive to Papa Dan’s, I was peppered with, “Are we there yet?,  Now?  Now?”  We cheated this morning, we visited the golden arches.  (enough said).  (I have to admit, I was having keyboard problems last night and this is where I stopped typing, so this will be a 2 day post, as long as my keyboard co-operates.)

After arriving at the Farmer’s, we got busy with some stuff, and of course Cam-man peppered the Farmer with “Is it time to see the tractor yet?”.  After papa Dan got the John Deere out of the barn, Cam-Man and I went for a drive through the country, Cam even put his seat belt on and (imaginary) drove me everywhere.  We laughed and giggled, and just had an over all time.  It was time for us to go in and check on Momma and give her some more meds.  Cam was at the window, while I was giving meds to Momma, when Cam yelled at me.  “Jo, Papa Dan stuck”.  huh?

I was done giving meds and came to look at what he was talking about.  Sure enough, the mower was in the ditch, and Papa Dan had the John Deere tractor, ready to pull it out.  Cam and I flew out the door to offer ‘assistance”.

Cam was stationed at the top of the hill, and I went down into the ditch and helped to “drive” the mower out.  Cam was fascinated.    His eyes got so big, and he wanted to help so bad.  He was so excited when the mower got unstuck that he started jumping up and down and clapping and yelling.

With everything back to normal, I told Cam (after he had run the length of the yard, “driven” the John Deere, and conquered the pirates trying to steal the tractor) it was time to get Momma up.

We went inside and Cam-Man held Momma’s hand and gave her all the encouragement he could.  Him and Momma were “love muffins” today, the loving and hand holding and kisses going on.  Well….they make my heart melt.

Apparently, I wore Cam out, because he fell asleep on the way home and did not even want to wake up for his papa, and then when his Momma came to get him, he cried.  He was a very tired little boy.

Fast forward to today, when I wish Cam-Man had been there.  today, Papa Dan’s driveway got rocked and tarred, I wish I would have taken pictures.  (palm smack to the forehead, where is the camera?) Cam would have loved all the BIG trucks and stuff going on.

But anyway, today, was a good day.  Momma was back in form, and enjoyed  spending time with me, to holding my hand, and giggling over every day stuff.  Papa Dan got a new driveway, Papa Electrician got a note from Cam-man left on his window of his truck at work from Cam Man, and I had a good day period.

Remind me to tell y’all about the newest episode of Ms. Baby and the birds, and also it’s gonna be a good weekend.  Cam Man is spending the night.

My life if pretty busy right now, and I appreciate that fact, the busier I am keeps me out of trouble and dwelling on things.  It’s all good in my hood.  Hope it is the same for y’all….  Night…

Sometimes, my cup runs over….

Ok, truly from my heart, with all I deal with, I took some time today to evaluate.  Lately it seems my life is running away and I’m trying to grab each moment I can, and cherish it.  Sometimes, life doesn’t stop going, while you wish it would.  There are so many moments I am trying to grab onto, I feel dizzy.

My life lately has been turned upside down and I am trying to grab the end of the rope and hang on.  It’s a good thing, but something I am not used to. Between having a crazy schedule, and being Thankful for other things, I’ve spent more time with Momma and the Farmer than I usually do.

This tells me, be Thankful, for being able to spend more time, and also, cherishing the time.  Because in all honesty, there never seems to be enough of it.

Sometimes, we get caught up in all the things we NEED to do, and the things WE do, that it all gets muddled up into a muddy mess, and we get stressed out trying to figure out the “timeline”.  But I learned a lesson today, and forgive me but I am heardheaded.

Sometimes, when you think you can not accomplish ANYTHING, you have accomplished EVERYTHING.  I had to be in 2 different places today at the same time, was I there?  Well I may have been a couple of minutes late, but I was there. Sometimes, I just need to let go of my anxieties, and all my misgivings and just let be, what will be.  I need to understand, FIRST, I am not in control, and then I feel better.

I have prayed so hard this week (okay Every day for that matter).  Just when I think  it will get better, I am given some awful news or given another set back.  It’s ok, though, because I figure the lesson’s, I’m supposed to be learning, I am.  (Thank you God),

This road I’m travelling though, I think I need a pitstop….are those allowed?

 

Life and Living…..

Can I tell ya’ll a secret?  Can I tell you how much I am thankful for my life, and how I feel lucky?  While I may be dealing with some “stuff”, and be moaning about how bad I have it, I really don’t.  I still wake up every morning with a roof over my head, and food to fill my belly, and things that help me to do the “stuff” I do every day.

Today, was my “long” day with Momma.  Due to increased gas prices, I decided that when I had to get her up and put her back to bed, I would just stay at the Farmer’s all day, and do what I have to do.  Believe me, when I say, there is a bunch I do in that time, and ya know what?  On my drive home today, I looked at something the Nurse bought me for Christmas, and I think I have truly gotten the message….

DSCN4153This hangs from my rearview mirror, and it has My birthstone, and the Farmer’s and Momma’s.  It is engraved with  Proverbs 31;25.  “she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at her future to come.”.

When I first got it, I fell in love with it, although I did not understand it totally.  Yea , everyone says how strong I am for doing what I do, but I didn’t understand it.  You see, I thought everyone would do it for the people they love.  Take care of them, and try to make the days better in the “ending” years.

But today, I learned something.  I am strong in certain areas, because Momma has made me be that way.  Maybe this is one of the lessons.    Dont’ get me wrong, because God is helping me more than you all know.

Today was not a great day with Momma, it was with Cam-man, and he even gave his love to Momma in his own way.  She sure perked up, when he was on the end of her bed giving her encouragement when she had her bath, and they had a “conversation about stuff”.  I was going to say sorry, but I won’t, it was to cute for words.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I give Thanks, (well I always do that), but lately, I’ve been on the “dark side” of things and truly have questions about, why does Parkinson’s rob a person of so much and make them suffer so.

But then I stop and think to myself, “Camsgranny, has this experience tought you anything?”.  And the answer to that, is oh my goodness.  It has opened my eyes too much more than I ever thought possible.  I have so much understanding of other people’s suffering, and I have more empathy than I ever thought possible, and also, It has brought an awareness to me, that if you had asked me 15 years ago, I would have felt all this, my answer would have been NO.

Parkinson’s Disease, has forever changed my life.  I will no longer look at things the same.  I can not explain it, I would not even try, but for me, this has given me a Life lesson, that maybe I should have learned earlier, but in the end, I like to think it has truly made me a better person, and given me more strength, than any person should have to find.  I am still reaching deep to find it.

There as been spiritual growth, there has been heart breaking events, but I think it is all leading up to something, and I will deal with that too.  It’s ok, especially, after putting Momma to bed tonite, she grabbed my hand, and simply stated, “I Love You Jo”.

That means the world to me, and then some.

Feelings….And Parkinson’s….

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our own stuff, that we forget about other people’s stuff.

I am Blessed, simply because I can take care of Momma on a daily basis.  Do I sacrifice other parts of my life for this?  Yes.  At a cost to me?  yes.  At a cost to others? yes.  Would I change it? No.

I know the saying goes, cherish what you have, because it may not be here tomorrow.  I understand it, on so many levels.

Parkinson’s Disease, does not just affect the person who has it, but the entire family as well.  To the husband, who diligently helps his wife, to the daughter, who tries to do what she can, to the Husband of the wife, who misses her, but semi understands what she is doing.  To the heartbreak, and smiles, and to just being a part of it.

I didn’t sign up for this, but here it is.  I didn’t ask for this, but here it is.  I will deal with this, because here, it is.

While I try to do the best that I can, with what I know, I am like a sinking ship in the water.  If I go this way, I’m gonna sink, if I go that way, I’m gonna sink.  Wait, is there no floats available.  Uhm….nope.

This evening, I am torn in about 300 different ways.  I am trying so hard not to  sink, and swim my way to shore, but guess what?   While I think I am making progress, I’m not.

It’s ok, though, because, for me?  There are lesson’s in this journey I am on.  I’m still trying to find them, and I will, trust me.    Just when I think I have it all figured out, I get thrown a curve ball.  I’m on the catcher’s mound, and I will figure it out, it might take me a while, but I will.  But seriously, while my family rebels, and my mind takes a nap, I’m still doing good.

God has picked me to go through this journey, and there is a reason for it, I am still trying to figure it out…..I haven’t yet, and am questioning a bunch of things through it.

To my Family….Please don’t give up on me, I’m here, but I am kind of like Momma at the moment and trying to find my way….

Yes, I may be consumed by this thing,. but instead of asking questions and being mad at it, why don’t you join me on this journey, and find out for yourself what it is all about?  It is a Road less traveled, and one, not many people have the strength to go through,

I am Blessed that I have the strength to do it, and will go through it, because she is My MOMMA…..

Crash and Burn and Relite….

This morning started out with a bunch of promise.  While it is not the “usual Monday morning routine”, it started out with promise.  I didn’t have Cam-man this morning, so I woke up at normal time, and did some stuff around the house, to help myself for when I got home.  I am trying to stop neglecting the things I normally do and try to cover all of my bases.

After doing all the stuff, I do not normally do on a Monday morning, I headed out, to the Farmers.  I felt a bit lonely, because I don’t have  Cam-Man with me.  Have I mentioned that I personally don’t like change, but that I can adapt?

I arrived at the Farmers and got put out immediately.  Pfft, I am a back door daughter, and when I went to the back door, I could not open it.  The screen door was locked and I don’t have a key to the back door. Well… to be truthful, I do, but I can’t tell which friggin key it is.

So, I went back around and entered into through the front door.  The Farmer was happy to see me., but not happy, to have me tell him off ,for the back door not being open.    immediately we both checked into the situation of ordering Momma‘s stuff through a certain facility and me, uhm yup, me, not putting in the right address to have it delivered.

It was last week when we ordered it, and I may or may not been in my right mind when I typed the address into the computer, but it was something we had to deal with.   After calling and being put on hold for a ungoodness amount of minutes, we finally got through to a human and not a computer.  After telling them the situation, and them assessing the situation, we were told it would be all good.

We had no sooner hung up the phone when the drive way bell went off.   Guess what?  One of our favorite trucks, (we have 2 that we use), anyway,hat’s off to these guys simply because, they know us.  One of our favorite drivers backed into the driveway with Momma’s stuff and told us, he had looked at the name and said, “pfft, I know these people, I can deliver it”    So THANK YOU to the Fed Ex driver that delivers Momma’s supplies.  (some of them).   He covered us, and just when we needed it most.  (That’s a song isn’t it?)  I seriously do not know where my head has been at lately.

After squaring everything away and putting stuff up, and talking to the Farmer, it was time to get Momma up.  (To the Farmer, I am sorry for what I am about to say, but it HAS to be said).

Momma talked with me for the first 5 minutes, and then I am not sure where she went but she wasn’t with me.  I gave Momma her bath and cleaned her up “she had an accident”, she was upset about it, but I told her it was okay, she was giggling by then end of it, but when it was time to get her up, she wasn’t there.

It took everything the Farmer and I had to get her to stand so I could “clean her up”.  I went and got the wheel chair and we took her into the other room with the wheelchair.  When it was time to put her into her chair, that was a friggin fiasco.

I gave Momma  her Christmas goose and then some by trying to lift her up and trying to carry her into her chair.  She had so many back spasms, and neck spasms, I don’t know what to tell you.  It was HARD.

Momma has gotten so weak over the weekend, I don’t know where to start, I can’t even begin to tell you.  When Momma was in her chair, and YES the Farmer and I got her there, I put a cold cloth on her neck, took her temp, and gave her a mouth swab.

Fast forward, and she was telling me how much she loved me and the Farmer, and she was sorry.   I have a hard time with that.  Sorry folks, Why the HECK should she be sorry?  Her body is failing.  I know this, so does the Farmer.  I’m here to make it easier.  Although with the Christmas Goose she got…hell I’d be happy…..just kiddin….

Fast forward, I left the Farmer’s house crying today, simply because I have never seen momma that frail.  Somehow, it ended up with Cam-Man at my house for the evening,.  I’m not quite sure how it happened, and I am not questioning why, I just went with it.

Cam Man and I and the electrician had a most wonderful evening, and I can’t even begin to describe it into words…

There is so much happening that I am trying to wrap my head around, and I just am having a hard time with….I’m not questioning anything, I am just going with the flow at this point…..

Saturday, my style….

When I woke up this morning, I was still “flaming” after last night.  I decided I would take charge and take care of all of those things I have neglected lately.  Sometimes, I just have too much on the calendar, to take care of those little day-to-day things.

So, my feet hit the floor running, and I started a load of laundry, slugged back a couple of cups of coffee and got busy.  Camsgranny, cleaned the entire house and did 4 loads of laundry (sheets and bedding stuff included), flipped mattresses around, and FINALLY put winter clothes away and went through summer clothes.

Apparently, something happened over the winter and that “full-bodied shampoo” I use, floated on down my body when I was rinsing, and well….somethings from last year just don’t fit anymore.  It’s the shampoo, trust me!

The Electrician is all in a flutter about holding a garage sale.  Our town holds an annual Garage sale town wide, and the date is rapidly approaching.  Now to be truthful, I don’t “do’ garage sales, and this is all his puppy.  I have been following him around the house when he grabs something and says ‘Yes, we can sell this”, and  I follow tucking it  into a cupboard.  I have given in to some things, but well… I could secretly be a hoarder and don’t know it.

With my house cleaned and shiny, and groceries (that the Electrician bought) put away, we headed out to the Nurse’s house for a BBQ.  We had a great time, with most of the family there, and then the Electrician did not feel well so we both came home.  After a 2 hour nap, we are back up and at it.

We did let Ms. Baby out, and let her hang out on the porch, but when we heard all kinds of birds chirping and going off, we went outside.  Apparently, Ms. Baby was stalking a baby bird and had it pinned between her paws (she has no front claws), every bird within a 2 mile radius was dive bombing her butt, and we got her to come inside, and hopefully the baby bird has made his escape. While I feel bad for the baby bird, I understand Ms. Baby’s instincts.  She was a little forlorn and gave us extra loving, because her Daddy yelled at her.

My schedule is about to change, as the Nurse is now out for summer break, and Cam Man and I won’t be spending everyday together.  That kind of makes me sad.  I had to laugh today though, because when we were pulling up at the Nurse’s house, Cam saw his “Papa’s truck” before we had even turned the corner and had already started running.  His Auntie Boo grabbed him, and he was all smiles when we got there.  Of course the first few minutes were spent with Cam loving on his Papa, and then it was ‘Will you play with me Jo?”.    We played and Papa pulled his truck up so Cam could hang out on the tailgate of Papa’s truck.    Cam looked at me and asked “Papa Dan, he ok?”  My heart kind of melted.  I told him  “Papa Dan is ok”, then he asked about Momma, it was so cute how he said it to me.  “Jo?”, “Yes?”  “Your Momma, she ok too?”.  “Yes, Cam, she is ok too”.

His and mine schedule is changing, and I think we miss each other a bunch more than we ever thought we would.  When I stopped by his house yesterday, he was knee-deep in mud and water and having a blast helping his parents get their yard into shape, but when I was ready to go, he went up to the Rav4 and was ready to go.  It broke my heart, I couldn’t take him with me.    Today, was another of the same story.  When Papa and I had to leave, I had a little talk with him, and told him we were going home, and he had to stay and play with all the kids at his house, and to be a “big boy” and give us hugs and kisses and go play.

It worked, until we were in the truck and ready to go and then all hell broke loose, he came running and screaming up to the truck and clung to me, and said, “NO, I go with you and Papa”.  Uncle Nate came and got him, and when we drove away Grandma Sue had him and he was waving with tears in his eyes.

 

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What a Saturday…….I’ve also been helping a friend of mine with her journey with Parkinson’s, and trying to find ways for her to succeed in what she is doing. It’s a work in process, and still ongoing, but I will help, in any way I can.

While my mind is going 1000 miles an hour, and you can probably tell by this post, Welcome to my Saturday, Camgranny’s style….

Sidetracked and Smacked!!! A Caregiver’s story….

While I have been living life ( by the seat of my pants) , lately.  I have had so many Good days, that I kind of forgot about the bad ones.    Things have been so jam-packed full of adventure lately, in other areas of my life, that I have kind of pushed all those PD feelings to the background, and really have not thought about them much.

Can I just say, while others of you are shaking your head, and saying “That’s not a healthy approach to the situation”, it HAD been working for me.  Up until today.  I’ve been busy folks, between this and that, I haven’t really had time to do things that I normally do.  I found a little time out of my day today to realize,  Sometimes when I am the happiest, is when I am not focusing on Momma and the PD.

Ok, I said it.   Blast me for being an ungrateful daughter, but I have learned some lessons with this thing called Parkinson’s.  Momma has it, I don’t.  There I said it.  I feel guilty when I have so much joy in my life, and then I come back to Momma, because with Momma, there is no joy.  Yes, there are certain moments that amount to it, but they are few and far between.

Somewhere along the line, I got so caught up in Momma’s Parkinson‘s, that I forgot to truly enjoy life and all of its Blessings.  I was so worried about, how she was feeling, what she is dealing with, has she “pooped” today, does she have a temperature, why is she doing “x, y, z”, is she going to die?  That I stopped living for myself, and focused my whole being on her.  THAT is not healthy, for me, nor anyone around me.

What I have learned in the last few days (THANK YOU Cam-Man), is life does go on, no matter what.  Life doesn’t stop because Momma is having a bad day, I have learned to deal with it, and adjust, whatever I can to make her feel better.

Parkinson’s is a crazy disease, that a bunch of people are affected with.  It is different from one person to the next, there is no cure.  period.  What I Have learned, is we make do with what we have and what we know, and if we don’t know, then we fly by the seat of our pants.

Momma, has actually had some really good days lately.  We have new issues that we deal with daily, But ya know what?  If I go back to that saying, “God will never give me more than I can handle”, and goodness knows I can lift a semi truck by myself at this time, it’s ok.  I’m not on this road alone, I have a BUNCH of peeps at my side, who will help me  IF I need it.

Sometimes as Caregivers, we get lost in the giving of care.  It is SO important, to remember, YOU are an individual, who is dealing with the “disease” as well, maybe not as intense as the person who has it, but you still give care.  I lost myself for a while, but guess what?  I’M back……

The road is bumpy and filled with pot holes, you just have to learn how to manuever through them.   It is so easy to get caught up with the “drama” and the feelings, but you truly have to look at your own feelings through this journey, and trust me when I say journey, because it is.

I’ve learned so much, and given so much, and received so much.  Words could not even begin to describe it.    I’ve learned some very hard lessons for me lately.  They were a long time in coming, but I’ve learned them.  I’ve always told y’all that I was on this journey for a reason, I’m just starting to figure it out.

Today was a very good day, in all aspects of it, and I told the Electrician this, and then went on to say something else, but he cut me off, because he told me, “Quit looking for trouble, accept what you have and go with it, because if you say something silly, it will happen”.  He’s right.

I’m sorry but a song just popped in to my head, and call me silly if you want to  but it is Doris Day singing ‘Que Serra Serra…”.

Life is good at Camsgranny’s house.  I won’t say anymore.

Through his eyes…..

I’ve spent a bunch of time lately with my little dude.  His name is Cam-man.

DSCN4470This little dude is about to turn 3.  He is full of questions, LOVES all things boyish, John Deere tractors, bugs, OUTSIDE, nature, and just plain everything.

 

He shows so much compassion at the age of “almost 3′, that truly triggers my heart.

He loves the Farmer, and the Farmer thinks it’s because of the “Big toys” he has.  Cam-Man has fallen in love DEEPLY with tractors.    Not sure why, but so it goes.

I can’t tell you, over the past couple of days, Cam-man has been at the Farmer’s and all’s he truly wanted was to be outside.  So, with the  weather cooperating, we’ve been outside.  Cam has learned how to plant a plant, tomatoes, and green peppers, and played with the dirt, and ran from one end of the Farmer’s property to the other.  He did have to stop halfway and say, “WOW“.  He got truly excited when we passed by the fields that all of the Farmers are out planting right now.  He counted the amount of tractors we have seen, and was trying to count the fingers.   On the way home today, he gave up and fell asleep at 15.

When people ask me, how I deal with everything I deal with, I simply say look at this picture,

DSCN4427

Because truly a picture is worth 1000 words.

 

 

Whenever I see Cam and Momma together, it makes my heart burst.  This little dude has had a hard time recognizing who I am, much less the people I bring him to.  I have since been renamed, to “Jo” simply because that is what his Momma calls me and he feels comfortable with this.  He knows my Dad is his “Papa Dan” and my Mom is ‘Grandma Jo’s Momma”.

When I truly sit down and think about it, he is teaching me things.  It must be confusing for a kid, to have THAT many Grandparents’s, but Cam’s dealing with it in his own way. He tell’s me every morning, ‘We going to Papa Dan’s?”  “Yes, Cam we are, and we have to take care of Grandma Annie ok?”  “She’s your Mom right?”  “Yes, Cam that’s my Momma ok?”  “Yup”.

Cam is the light of  Momma, from him telling her to “poo on the potty and NOT in her pants” cracks me up.  Dude listen to your own advice ok?  Cam-Man stands at the front of Momma’s bed everyday when I give her a bath, and her and Cam carry on like nothing, talking back and forth, it makes me giggle.

But what I have truly realized, between the banter they carry on, they are both helping each other in a way.  Whenever it is time for Momma to take those steps into the other room, Cam sits on her walker, and gives her encouragement the whole way. he tells her “put your foot down” to “breathe, we are almost there”.

Who knew an almost 3-year-old had that kind of power, especially when his main love is “Buzz light year, and John Deere tractors?”

I’ve said this from the beginning and I will say it forever, the “new” and the “old” have so much in commen, now if they could both just poo on the potty I would be so much happier…..