I know I have been gone for a bit, but I have been trying new adventures, and trying to become myself again. I never understood, how totally immersed I was in being in the Parkinson’s world. I am learning how to be the “daughter” again instead of the “caregiver“.
My usual routine has dramatically changed, and I am becoming accustomed to just being able to do regular things. It is a little strange to me, and I’ve had some moments.
I’ve been spending ALOT of time with a little certain someone.
This little kid, rocks my world. He is so full of life, and asks a million and one questions, that he keeps me on my toes.
I took myself on a little retreat last weekend. I left town, armed with a swimsuit, and some clothes, and went about 2 hours away and checked into a hotel room. I did a bunch of reflecting, sleeping and swimming in the pool. My girlfriend and her family arrived the next day, so we had fun, walking all over the town and just goofing off. I came back from the weekend, with a new attitude, and a feeling of being relaxed and in control of my thoughts.
I do not feel as stressed and desperate as i did. I have done some things in the past few weeks, that I never thought I would do. I now walk/jog every evening, and am watching my diet (well, eating and watching what I eat, while I eat it.) I’ve gone on some adventures.
I actually went to the Circus, with little dude and his Momma. I do have to say, the last Circus I went to was in Russia, when I was 16, and while this was nothing compared to that, I found enjoyment in the awe on little dude’s face.
My days have been busy, and I have gone to visit with the Farmer and Momma. It is strange sometimes, to not take care of her, but we seem to have a bunch of conversations, and true joy now when we get together. I don’t get the anxiety, nor the desperation feeling. I do not leave the house in tears, I now leave the house laughing and enjoying the time.
For me? It is nice to go back to being the daughter of a Parkinson’s Momma, and not the Caregiver of a Parkinson’s Momma. It took the Farmer a little bit of time to understand this. While I may have been an excellent caregiver, the price was to high for me.
I am glad, I am slowly becoming me again. It is taking some time, but I am on my way back!
Until next time, take time to smell the flowers and laugh and giggle as much as you can. Oh yea, smile at a stranger, it might make their day, and you will feel better too!
I’m an only child, but I am not alone. You see, all these kids I went to school with and lived with in the Dorms. uhmm….they were like sisters and brothers that I had never had. I can call upon them at ANY time and know they will be by my side no matter what.
I was blessed in the fact that the Farmer sent to me a school uhm… a few years ago and I lived there for 5 days a week and came home on the weekends. Mind you I was 14 – 15 years of age and I completed that until I was uhm. 17 when I graduated.
So while I want to give Props to the Farmer, uhm…these are the one’s I grew up with and taught me about life. We all went thru it together, we lived the drama of the day, went thru countless fire alarms at 2 am…. ( You always knew who pulled them because they were the one’s fully clothed.)
There are so many memories that I have and cherish…who else can say by the time they were 16 had been half way around the world and experienced what I had? Not many….
I have the trip to Russia with my friends (I swear they tried to get me sent to Siberia), uhmmm that was at age 16, I have the many trips on the last train in Waterloo to my hometown of Surbiton, Surrey at the age of uhm…16, of running to my flat knowing I had broken curfew with the Farmer, hoping my butt would not be whipped.
My childhood was not the original one. I had the experience to grow up in a different culture than what I was used to, I learned that things are not always what they seem, and just because I was across the pond (ok kids ya know what I mean) things were good. At least to me they were.
There are so many memories it’s hard to put into one post. But for you that are reading this….I Love each and every one of you. From climbing that damn hill and ya’ll know which one I am speaking of…..This is a Thank you from the bottom of my heart….
I may be on only child …..but I am not alone…cuz I got brothers and sisters….
This picture was taken by one of my brothers…Jesse Kelly, his Momma was one of my favorite people on the planet…Mrs. Gail Kelly, she is one of the people who inspired me in my youth. She was one of my teachers at LCHS, and I truly admire her. I have kept in touch with her and her son’s (ok I had a MAJOR crush on her oldest Sean) hehehe but that is beside the point…. This picture popped up on my Facebook page today and I just sat and stared at it…..I asked jesse for the honor of borrowing it and he said yes….
I look at this pic and it reminds me of days gone by…..Thanks to Jesse and all those who made my childhood years…such a memory. To My room-mate P–I love you and thank you, and that you and I still talk….I love that goofy girl. But most of all I thank all my LCHS brothers and sisters……I am truly blessed…..