Before I begin this post, I will give a warning, this is a raw, straight from heart, and an open look into my mind at the moment. For the faint of heart, don’t bother reading, for the gutsy people who want raw emotion here it is.
Parkinson’s Disease is the “unknown” disease. Plenty of people have it, but no one understands it. It affects every person differently, some of the symptoms are the same, other’s are different. it can carry on for years, and there is something called “status quo”, no change, no difference.
I am the daughter of a Parkinson’s Momma. I am her caregiver, and there is another caregiver besides the Farmer and myself, it is Caregiver Beth. Between the 3 of us, we try to give her the best care that we know is possible.
I have been my Momma’s caregiver now for 2 years. Momma has had PD for about 12 years. I originally quit my job to help the Farmer who was feeling overwhelmed. Our philosophy was to keep Momma at home for however and whatever it took.
We met with some bumps in the road, and Momma was hospitalized and in ICU for over a week, when she rallied and was released into a Nursing Home for 4 months for Rehab. She was finally released into our care, and she got to come home. That was over a year ago.
A bunch of things have changed since that time, and the Farmer and I have learned to treat all of her stuff at home. We went to her Doctor appointment a couple of weeks ago, and it was decided to have her g-tube (feeding tube) “re-done” so to speak. What does that mean? That means Momma had to go for surgery and have a new one installed. The old one was kind of nasty looking and the valves were not doing the thing they were supposed to do.
We arranged for the Surgery and the Farmer and I, brought Momma to surgery and she sailed through it like the trooper she is. My problem was, I was so darn relieved and excited she made it through, I did not pay attention to what the Surgeon had said when he did our consult after surgery.
Momma was home and was recovering nicely, no fever, no infection. We had a snow storm, and Momma was supposed to go back to the surgeon for a “follow-up”. I called the Surgeon’s office and after talking with his nurse, it was advised she did not have to come to his office, and I just needed to pick up some prescriptions at the pharmacy of our choice.
Over the past 2 days, I have “picked up” a BUNCH more meds for Momma, that we have tried to figure out the times that she could take them. Simply because some cannot be taken at the same times as the others and need a 2-3 “window”. After scratching my head, and Caregiver Beth and I both getting together and figuring it out, I think our schedule will work. When I typed it up, and YES, I did type it up and color coded the meds….
As for Momma’s regular PD meds, we have 3 main ones, but we also have feedings, (she has a g-tube and cannot swallow, so all of her meals are liquid), We now have to figure 5 other meds into the picture.
I am going to be honest here for a second. When I returned from Wal-Mart this morning after finally picking up the last of the meds from Wal-Mart, after talking to the pharmacist and asking, does this one affect any of the others and can I just slide it in at an appropriate time? I was answered with “let me check”. I was advised I could slide this one in at any time, it would not mess up the other ones.
I asked the Farmer a question today, and I think he really thought about it before he answered me. I asked “Dad, I know we have advanced technology and medically, but is it worth it to keep someone alive on pills when there is no quality of life and it is our own selfishness keeping them alive?”.
Medically we have advanced a bunch and I understand this. BUT SERIOUSLY….
I say this with a heavy heart and a complete confusion. My Momma is nothing like what she was, she is a shell of her former self. Don’t get me wrong in any way shape or form. I love her with ALL of my heart and then some. There are times, when MY MOMMA shines through, but there are other times, she isn’t there. She is a scared person, going through the motions.
She has strength and stamina, but at what price? Has technology brought us to a place where, maybe we should not be? This will probably cause a bunch of controversy, But ya know what? I am at the place, where I am wondering why?
This disease sucks. Not just for the person who has it, but also for the family member that deals with it. I try to put myself in her shoes, and try to understand, but I don’t.
When I was giving Momma all her meds today, she even noticed there were some extra’s, and asked me why? I didn’t have an answer to that question, I only looked at her and kissed her and told her “I love you Momma”.
How do you explain to a person who will not understand what you are saying, what you are doing?
But you know what? I will keep doing what I am doing, if I only get that Momma smile, and she gives it to me, and grabs my hand and pulls me close and tells me she loves me.
I gave the Farmer his lesson’s tonite, on the new meds….what will be, shall be, it’s not mine to question, it is just to make happen.
To My Momma,….I Love you…
To the Farmer…..I Love you….
To Caregiver Beth… I thank you..
To the Electrician…Thank you for catching me as I fall……
To my family…..Thank you for supporting me……
y’ all for reading…..hope I’ve helped some……..
I very rarely get to sleep in. Today was MY day to do that. I was in some serious slumber and there may or may not have been some drool involved, when the shrill ring of the telephone interrupted my slumber. I thought the Electrician would pick up the phone, but no, it was the Farmer and he let it ring until I grabbed it from beside the bed.
“uhm..h’lo?” I answered, to be replied with ‘Happy Birthday to you” from the Farmer, who then followed that up with “Are you sick AGAIN?’. “Uhm, no Dad I was still sleeping.” Geesh, it was only 8:30 am for crying out loud. I wasn’t complaining though, because after the Farmer told me Happy Birthday, Momma got on the phone. Now, to be truthful, Momma probably has not spoken on the phone for about 2 years. When I heard her sweet voice, telling me ‘Happy Birthday honey”, it felt so good. Very rarely does she surface before 11 am, and to be told Happy Birthday from Momma at 8:34 am was marvelous in my opinion.
That was the first of many calls today, and I have enjoyed each of them. For those of you that know me, today is not just my birthday, it is my anniversary. Yes, the Electrician married me on my birthday. He probably figured it would be easier to keep track of both dates that way. However, with that being said, I did make him sign a contract, that he could not get away with just one gift for both events.
We had already decided that we were going out to eat at my favorite place called “The Habachi Grill”, (it’s the Electrician’s also), for some sushi and good old buffet food.
We had originally planned to go ahead and go grocery shopping and do some Christmas shopping too. We both got ready and hit the door, with the first stop being the bank so we could cash some checks we had received. The next stop was at “Big Lot’s”. I truly like that store, and while we did not have that much we were looking for, other than an extension cord, so I can finish decorating my tree, we found all kinds of neat stuff. It must be my Birthday though, because the Electrician allowed me some unauthorized purchases, and both of us were happy.
Next stop was the mall. That place has truly gone down hill for my small town. There are very few stores, and it’s like a “ghost mall”. We did stop at one outlet though, the Vermilion County Animal Shelter Society had some pets in the mall, hoping for adoption. The Electrician and I walked through, petted some cats and laughed at the puppies, but both of us know in our heart, Ms. Baby is “Queen” of our house, and I don’t think she will allow us to have another animal unless it is a kitten, and even then I would fear for its safety.
We then headed down the road to a place called the Dollar Tree. I had never been in this store until my outlaws were here for a visit. The Electrician and I looked at a bunch of things, and I found a few “stocking stuffers” for the Grand babies, and also a few things for me.
Next stop on the agenda was Wal-mart. Now before y’all think we were just shopping we weren’t, some of it was wasting time until we could go eat, and when my tummy grumbled, it was time. I did find my Birthday present in Wal-Mart though. Forgive me for being silly, but I truly fell in love with a Christmas bear, who sings “the Night before Christmas”. I gave the puppy dog eyes to the Electrician and we bought it.
I seriously have listened to this thing about 50 times, I truly love it.
We finally arrived at our dining destination, and I do have to say, the Electrician and I truly hurt ourselves. We do not go out to eat very often, and today I made sure I was giving the buffet the justice it deserved. I ate sushi, and a bunch of it. I then went back for some different fare, spring rolls, shrimp, chicken 4 million different ways, egg drop soup, lo mein, and then some more sushi, then it was time for dessert. For some unknown reason though, the restaurant frowns and has strict rules about shoving your head underneath the fountain of chocolate. Go figure.
After waddling out of the restaurant, I was miserable but full and happy, in a kind of “OH MY GOODNESS< I SHOULD NOT HAVE EATEN THAT MUCH” kind of way. We did stop at County Market to pick up a few things, but by then my jeans were busting and all I could think of was getting home, taking off my jeans, putting on my pajama’s and hoping to burp or fart or something.
Upon returning home, and yes, I have to go grocery shopping in the morning, it’s been about 4-5 hours, and I am still full. Thank goodness though some of the above requested things have happened and at least now, I am comfortable.
My Birthday has been fantastic….thank you to the Electrician and everybody else for making it so. The 100+ Birthday wishes on Facebook, have me truly humbled.
So, now that my birthday, while it is not over, it’s time for the Anniversary celebrations. My day has been fantastic. Thank you!!! Everybody!!!!
Today, I reached into my purse, to look for something to write on. You see the Farmer and I are having a “discussion” about just exactly how many miles I travel on a day-to-day basis.
When I went back over to his house last night I checked the mileage on my Rav4, and I clicked it to start at zero when I left his house. Me, queen of the back roads, I checked the mileage. From his back door, to my front door was exactly 17.9 miles, the back way. IF I drive through town, then it is exactly 16.4 miles from my front door to his back door. So, for the sake of 1.5 miles, this kid is driving the back roads.
The funny thing is though, when I looked at the little notebook that has been in my purse for about a year, there were so many things in it. The five recipes I had copied while I was in Biloxi last summer. The name and people of the Toyota dealership, that had helped us when we thought the Rav 4 was blowing up on our way to Gulf Shores, Alabama. The dimensions of the blinds we need for the garage that are odd sized. The things needed for Momma to come home from the Nursing home,. A wheelchair ramp, moving furniture, and getting Momma’s room ready for the 17th or the 24th. My Thanksgiving dinner menu, written with 2 different menu’s. One was a list of what I was making and the other was a list of what my daughter’s were making. The number to Greyhound bus service, and the times of the bus and how much it would cost to get my kid home again. 2 love notes from the Electrician written about a year ago. And to top it off, a saying from Mother Teresa….
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echos are truly endless.”
I usually carry around a notebook or two in my purse, simply because I am always scribbling something. But the true joy in the one I found today. Is the memories I re-lived at the little scribblings I had made in this one.
Take each and every day, and rejoice in it, when you find those hidden treasures, remember when you wrote what you felt. Because in all honesty, I’ve enjoyed going through that little notebook that is filled up, I won’t throw it away, simply because, I can’t. But I will put it into that book, I’m creating, that’s called a scrapbook of life.
How come everyone seems to dislike Monday’s? I usually don’t, but my Monday has been full of little mishaps along the way.
I tried to make waffles, and had a semi-explosion of Milk of Magnesia all over the place. Let me back track here for a minute.
When I got to the Farmer’s and hooked up the baby monitor, and then talked to the Farmer for a bit, I was actually waiting for the waffle iron to warm up, as I had already made the waffle batter.
We decided to go ahead and give Momma some Milk of Magnesia today, due to lack of..well, you figure it out. Constipation is a REAL problem with Parkinson’s patient’s. We’ve relied on Milk of Magnesia and Miralax.
I went into the kitchen and checked the waffle iron, and it wasn’t ready yet. So, I went ahead and made up Momma’s med’s. Usually we put the MoM into her medication that we mix with Pepsi (to dissolve it).
When I grabbed the bottle of MoM (you would think that the lid would be on), (Uhm THANKS DAD) I started to shake it when WHAMMO. That stuff went everywhere with the cap sailing across the room.
I am now covered in Milk of Magnesia, the floor is covered, the waffle iron is covered, and now has the green light lit up (go figure). The cabinets are covered as well. I’m yelling, the cat is licking the floor, and I’m thinking NOOOOOOOOOOO.
I get everything cleaned up, all the while shooing the kitty’s out of the room, and praying none of that stuff went into the waffle batter.
After breakfast, and a re-cleaning of everything, including mopping the floor twice, simply for the fact, on the first mopping, I tracked all over the place, and no one can mistake MY foot print for the Farmer’s.
I decided to give up and run to Wal-Mart. I may now be banned from the store, but I’m not sure. The Farmer had asked me to pick up some milk for him, and some more floor cleaner. I had a couple of things to get as well.
Walking down the kitty litter aisle, and REALLY, why would you put a 10 pound jug of kitty litter on the top shelf? I tried to get one down and oops, “clean up on Aisle 5”. Yea, it fell and exploded in a cloud of kitty litter everywhere. I grabbed another one and practically ran onto the next aisle.
“Clean up in aisle 11”, was the next thing heard. Yea, I dropped the milk, actually, I did not drop it, when I went to pull one out, 2 came out, simply for the fact they were shoved in there so tight. OOPS.
I won’t even tell you what happened in the Diet Coke aisle. Except, Thank you to the 6 foot woman who handed me 3 liters of Diet Coke. Whew…. Being short really sucks sometimes, and the store employee’s tend to frown when you climb like a monkey to get something off the top shelf.
I think everyone in Wal-Mart breathed a sigh of relief when I left. But as I was walking out the door, they had a bin that said to put your plastic bags in it for re-cycling. So..uhm… I grabbed a couple of bags full. Hey, I am recycling them. We use them as liners for Momma’s porta potty.
After I finally got home to my house, and felt in my “safe zone”. I put everything away, and then remembered I was supposed to go to the post office. OOPS. I figure I can do that first thing in the morning.
I don’t know about y’all, but once I get home, and am home, I’m not going anywhere else.Tonite’s dinner was green chili cheeseburgers smothered in mushrooms and bacon with provolone cheese melted over top. I also went all out and made home-made french fries. (The best kind are twice fried, fresh tater’s and not those frozen one’s).
I had taken an early shower and was just getting supper done, when my phone rang. “Uhm, Joanne, Tracy isn’t coming tonite, someone else is that has never been here before, can you come put Annie to bed?”
Well, hells bells. I got into the Rav4 and went on over there in my p.j.’s. First off, Good help is hard to find, second off (and this is the important part) Momma does not like strangers, who do not know her routine.
As soon as I got there, we got down to business. I did all the normal things Momma is used to, and then I bounced her butt into the bed, got a hug and a kiss, and a “Thank you, I love you Joanne”. Aww….those words made my heart feel a lot better, and never mind the other stuff.
Sometimes, even when we really don’t want to leave our house, we need to, because there might come a day, when I don’t get a phone call to put Momma to bed, because she won’t be here.
So, in a nutshell, it’s been a Monday. But I’ll take it and smile at the memories. Also, for those of you wondering, Yes, the MoM did get into the waffle batter, both the Farmer and I and the kitties had the same type of afternoon in the bathroom.
Today was definitely Monday. I woke up early, and had to deal with hosing down my eye AGAIN. You see, what I have failed to tell all of you was that sinus infection thingy that I get, happened to surface in my eye. It started out as a sty, and quickly turned into something I really don’t want to discuss. Your welcome, because it’s been really gross.
Before I get into my day, though, I really do need to send out a BIG thank you to the Nursing Student who filled my shoes Saturday night, when the Farmer needed help with Momma, and there was no way I could do it, (between the fungus gungus eye situation, to running a fever, and just not emotionally nor physically able to do it.) So, Thank you to the Nursing Student who went and helped, because the Farmer sure did appreciate it and so did I.
With that being said, I was ready for today. When I got to the Farmer’s, he was really happy to see me, as I was him. I got started on breakfast right away, and we chatted over fresh cups of coffee, while the bacon was gently frying in the kitchen. I guess Momma had a pretty good day yesterday and that was a good thing, considering the Farmer is still “nursing” his sprained ankle. They spent the day watching the Olympic‘s and Momma was rooting for all things British, while the Farmer was rooting for all thing’s U.S.A.
I always feel a little unsettled on Monday’s, simply for the fact that different Caregiver’s have been there over the weekend, and I have to go and clean everything up and straighten it back up the way I keep it. (That sounds kinda snarky, and it isn’t really, I just like things organized).
I went into give Momma her meds, and then told her not to panic, because I was going to let her sleep in. She replied with “You do spoil me”. Yes, I do spoil her, but you see, for me, it is easier on all parties involved if I let her sleep her morning in her bed, rather than force her out of her bed, to snore in the chair, because that is what ultimately happens.
While I let her sleep in, the Farmer ran to Wal-Mart, to pick up a couple of things, and I mopped the kitchen floor (the one Cam-man and I trashed on Friday), did 3 loads of laundry, that were Momma’s because I really don’t like when the Caretaker’s do her laundry other than her bed stuff, because some of her clothes have been ruined by bleach.
I finally got Momma up and she was in good form, and happy. We made it out into the front room, and we were all getting ready to watch some more Olympic’s when my eye went ballistic. I ran to the bathroom and got a cloth, and to save y’all the disgusting and gross details, let’s just say, the danger point is over. While I could not see out of it for about a 1/2 hour, when it was all done, I was ok. Hopefully (crossing fingers here), I will not have to deal with THAT ever again.
Anyway, it was time for me to scoot on down the road, and I had a couple of errands I had to do first. I did my errands and then arrived home. I made the Electrician’s lunch for tomorrow, and then got dinner ready. I am kinda proud of myself though, I made Chicken, broccoli, cauliflower alfredo fettucine out of leftovers. And it was a hit. I’ve had my shower, in my p.j.’s and, It’s been a day, and I’m not going into all of it at the moment, I need time to think about all that has happened, to accept all that has happened, to process all that has happened. Because truly, today has been a day.
Well, this morning dawned with promise. I woke up and did some stuff around the home front, played some “words with friends” on Facebook, answered some e-mails and then got ready to hit the road. Today was a 2-fer day.
I had big plans for the day, I was going to spend the morning with the Farmer and Momma, and then the afternoon with Cam-Man, and then spend a relaxing evening with the Electrician. Oh the best laid plans. sigh…
I got to the Farmer’s and went in and stopped immediately. The Farmer was sitting in his chair with a grimace on his face, and his leg up on the chair. “Hi” I said with a smile. “Jo, I eff’d up”. Uhm, ok, first off the Farmer does not cuss, UNLESS, he’s yelling at the t.v. at some politician (that’s why I don’t discuss politic’s with ANYONE). “ok, so what’s up Dad?” . I got a very sheepish look from the Farmer, although I’m not to sure but there was a little pain in that look too. I think he was embarrassed. But Hey, I’m his kid, I’m not gonna be shocked by anything at this point, I’ve made it 50 years, so I figure he’s not gonna shock me now.
“Uhm, I twisted my ankle”, “ok, so how did you do that?” “Uhm, walking down to get the paper”. Ok, so I did the only thing I know, I opened up the freezer, found a frozen bag of french fries and slapped it on his ankle. Then I went to Wal-Mart and bought an ankle brace, and an ice pack.
I flew back to his house and then proceeded to make him a BIG breakfast, bacon, hash browns, fried eggs, toast, and apple muffins and corn dodgers. Then I did all of my normal Friday stuff, and went and checked on Momma, changed her sheets got her dry and let her sleep in today.
I went ahead and made a pork roast with stuffing and a baked potato for the Farmer for his “late lunch”. Then I sucked it up, put my big girl panties on and went in and got Momma up, by myself. Now folks, even on a good day, Momma is a 2 person lift. When I got Momma bathed and dressed , I simply told her it was her and I today, and I needed her to help me as much as she could.
What can I say? For all of you that thought she would slither to the floor, NOPE, didn’t happen. My Momma fought very hard today and I am so proud of her. After getting her on and off the porta potty by myself (with her help). I asked her if she was ready to head out to the front room. Folks, my Momma has some grit, because she looked at me and said “Let’s do this”. And with that being said, Momma and I walked to her chair and she sat down, and my goodness, if I had not seen it, I might not have believed it. I think she kicked Parkinson’s to the curb, if only for a few minutes, but damn….
After getting her and the Farmer settled, I went down the road to scoop up Cam-Man. When I arrived at the Nursing Student’s house, I could hear Cam-Man crying. I went in and he looked at me crying, (he had gotten into trouble with the Fisher dude). I told him to quit crying and get his shoes, because he was going with Memaw today. He did the famous snuffle, wiping his nose and hiccuping, and I told him I had to go outside and put his seat into my car, but I would be right back. As I was coming back inside the house, he was standing by the back door, shoes on still crying. I scooped him up and asked him what was wrong, I’m not quite sure what he said, but I told him to grab his blankey and let’s roll. He kissed and hugged his Daddy by, and then told him “Bye” all the way out the door. As soon as we hit the outside, he stopped crying and looked at me and said “let’s roll”.
We went back to the Farmer’s house with Cam-Man pointing out the normal views, “Memaw, COWS”, and “MEMAW horses!”. When we arrived at the Farmer’s he looked at me and said “we’re here”. We went in and the Farmer (who hasn’t seen Cam-Man in quite a while) and Cam-Man had a reunion and so did Momma and Cam-Man. Momma actually perked up, which leads me to believe she has missed little dude.
After we finished up everything (and I must confess, when the Farmer asked Cam-Man and I to water the garden, I got the LOOK from the Farmer, when Cam-Man and I returned, we may or may not have played in the water and became a muddy mess all over the kitchen floor).
Cam-Man and I headed off down the road, with a pit stop at Wal-Mart. We had to pick up some things for the Electrician. After our shopping excursion (I might have to apologize to Wal-Mart, because Cam-Man and I may or may not have acted like a couple of kids winging the shopping cart everywhere).
With that done, we finally headed off down the road to my house where, Papa was waiting for both of us. (His work got called early for storms in the area). Somewhere between Wal-mart and my house, Cam-Man dropped his eyelids and fell asleep. When we arrived home, I unloaded everything from Wal-Mart and told Papa to go get the little dude from the car, because he was asleep.
My golly, what a Reunion, they haven’t seen each other in a while, and there was a bunch of hugging, and loving going on. Papa changed little dude’s pants and then asked Cam-Man, “Hey Cam, do you want Papa to take you to the park?” Hell you would have thought my house won the lottery with that statement. It was on. Both of them packed up and went to the park, and left Camsgranny here. It was probably a good thing, because when Camsgranny sat down and sat for a bit, uhm, she couldn’t get up.
It appears, that somewhere along the line today, I’ve thrown my back out. Don’t worry though, the Electrician has popped that sucker back in place and I feel great. Anyway, the College student came to pick up Cam-Man, she actually was at the park with Cam-Man and the Electrician. They came back here to swap out the car seat and to grab diapers for little dude.
My day, while it may not have went like I thought it would, it actually has been better than I could have ever dreamed.
I had an experience yesterday, that has kind of stuck with me. I’ve mulled it over in my mind for a bit, and I think I’m ready to let it out.
For those of you that follow my blog, y’all know I’m not allowed in a grocery store (problem of seriously over spending, I think I am food hoarder). But for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been doing the Grocery Shopping. Yesterday, I made a stop at the local Wal-Mart, and I was only there to buy lunchmeat for the Electrician’s lunches and a couple of other things, while I was walking around and looking at things (which I usually do, I have to look at EVERYTHING). I smiled at people, I was amazed by the amount of people who looked at me like I was crazy.
When I finally found my way to the deli area and was looking at what sandwich meat I wanted to purchase, there was a woman who was talking on her cell phone, the lady who was waiting on her, was getting a little stressed, because she saw she had a line forming. Everytime she would hand the cellphone lady an item, the woman would ask for something else, but when the deli lady asked her if the slice was ok, she would ignore her and keep talking on the cellphone. When the deli lady had handed her yet another bag of stuff, the cellphone lady kept talking. So, the deli lady went to wait on another person, when the cellphone lady told her she wanted one more thing. By now, there were about 6 people waiting at the deli, and this poor deli lady was by herself and very stressed out. The cellphone lady finished her conversation and ended her call and then looked around at all of us just standing there.
The deli lady went to wait on some other people and I was still standing there looking at the meat, but in my mind, I was seriously wondering when did it become ok to be rude, to other people, for the sake of a phone call.
When the deli lady came to wait on me she was breathless, and a little stressed, so I gave her a big smile, and looked at her and stated “Little busy huh?”. She stopped and looked at me and gave me a really big smile, as if to say thank you. I asked for the meat I wanted, and after she had given me my last order, I looked at her and smiled, and said “Thank you so much, you try to have a good day ok?”. She looked at me and said “Thank YOU, for your patience and understanding, and also for that smile, that made my day.”
So, I guess, my advice is to smile at a Stranger, you never know what they are dealing with, and it may just make someone else’s day.
Before I get into my post, I would like to Thank Terry1954, for awarding me with the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. The acceptance speech is in the works.
Today, I got a phone call from the Farmer at o’ dark thirty to make sure I was awake, and was almost on my way. Unknown to him, I had rolled out of bed at 5:30, and done my domestic diva stuff, and was already rolling, when he called me at 7:11 am. He kind of giggled when he said how cheerful I was. I told him I was about to leave, and then off down the road I went.
I arrived at his house, (uhm I only saw 3 deer on my way). I got a cup of coffee and made waffles for breakfast and then off down the road he went. He was on his way to pay taxes and then to the farm to pick some corn, a couple of other errands, and then on to Sam’s for some peaches.
Very rarely does the Farmer have a day when he doesn’t have to worry about giving Momma her meds, and taking care of her. Today, I tried to do that for him. I went in and gave Momma her first meds of the day. (She wasn’t exactly grumpy but then again….).
Meanwhile, I did some laundry and mopped some floors (HEY I won’t have to do that tomorrow). I took phone calls. I really do have to laugh though. I answered the phone one time, and they asked for Momma. Yea right like she’s gonna talk on the phone. I talked to them instead and got things figured out.
I gave her some more meds, changed her bedding and made sure she was dry, and let her sleep in.
I was just getting ready to get her up when the Farmer showed up. He brought in his purchases and then told me he had to go to Wal-mart to pick up Momma’s meds. I told him to hit the road I had it covered. I went in and woke her up, and got her bathed and stuff. The Farmer walked in just in time to help me get her onto the porta potty.
I saw a side of Momma I haven’t seen for a while. She was chipper, talkative, and downright funny. The fact that Momma lost about 5 pounds in the porta potty might have something to do with it.
(I’m sorry if this offends you, but this is my life). After getting Momma cleaned up, she walked just fine into the other room and was “almost” her normal self.
Our afternoon was spent very pleasantly, talking about all kinds of stuff, and then after giving her some more meds, I had to go.
I got home and realized (with a palm to the forehead) I had no clue what I was going to make for dinner for the Electrician.
I think this is where I need to find some balance. While I may think I have everything under control, I really don’t. While I may have remembered to put his clothes out, do the laundry, vacuum our house, clean our floors, take out the trash to the street for pick up, made his lunch, I may have overlooked dinner. Ooopsie.
So, I basically pulled dinner out of my (ha ha gotcha there didn’t I?) imagination, and we had red beans and rice pork burritos.
That may or may not have sounded a little bit snarky but guess what? I’m feeling a little bit snarky.
Folks, Camsgranny is seriously trying to find her balance right now. I had it, and somewhere along the line, I lost it. I’m not sure how, why, or what. But I really have got to find it again. Simply for the fact, I think I am not happy right now. I’m not quite sure why, but I’ve gotta find it. Maybe if I stop trying so hard to find it, it might just come back.
Sometimes, life just plods along, and we are happy with the way things are going, but then somehow a wrench gets thrown into the works and all hell breaks loose, because things don’t go smoothly anymore. Sometimes, life throws you a couple of curve balls in a row, but the catcher is not ready.
If that makes sense then maybe you are on the same road I am, because maybe, I forgot to swerve to catch the curve balls.
Okay, I am stronger than that…. For me to spend a day in tears is not right. Sorry to the Farmer but this is your daughter and she is fighting oh so hard.
What am I fighting for? I am fighting for the woman you married, and brought into my life, the Woman who looked at me and said “Yup, I will accept her as my daughter, even thou I did not give birth to her, but she’s a cutie and I accept her”
Who told you bring her home, when she knew what I was dealing with, Sorry to the Farmer, Momma knew, she loved me even then.
Momma and I have private conversations all the time. I understand them, so does she. Todays conversation blew my shit right out of the water…When she said to me “Joanne Dutch”… I went back right there to it. You see I was in a marraige that was very abusive, I’ve never said anything until now because I have 2 kids by that alliance. And since then, their Daddy comitted suicide. I have always thought, that if I never said anything bad about their Daddy then it was all good.
Momma lived that with me today….PDD is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Simply for the fact she is re-living MY life and making me see what happened. Like I have said I have cried buckets today, but ya know what…
I’ve lived it, survived it and I have a wonderful man in the Electrician who takes care of me and makes sure I’m ok….
Today was a little different. (how many times have I said that lately?) I got up early (and by now I am seriously looking forward to sleeping late some time in the near future). I did my stuff here at the home front and then toddled off down the road to the Farmer’s.
I happened to see uhm… 2 or 3 deer on the way there. They really are pretty creatures, but I still am terrified of them jumping in front on the Rav4. I got to the Farmer’s and cooked him a quick breakfast of “egg in the hole” except the egg did not co-operate with me, and it was defiantly outside of the hole this morning. The Farmer left on his journey for the day.
Me, I was going to bake some cookies, get his dinner ready, and check on Momma at the same time. Ok, the next bit might get the Farmer upset, and so I will apologize in advance, but this was my day.
I checked on Momma after the Farmer left, and I changed her bed sheets, and bed pads, so she was dry and still snoring. I went into the kitchen and was about to get started making some Oatmeal Raisen cookies, until…..
I grabbed the first container of Oatmeal, and things were moving inside of it. I threw it out, I grabbed the second container of Oatmeal, and it really had things moving in it. I threw it out. I then got a step stool and went threw the cabinet, and there were a lot of things moving in the cabinet, and I freaked out.
3 Trash bags later, I had pretty much emptied out the cabinet and then sprayed that sucker until I got High from the fumes. Both kitties were looking at me like I had lost my mind. I scrubbed the entire cabinet (except for the top shelf, because even though I was standing on a ladder, I could not reach it, but it did not have any food on it, just light bulbs, by the way, HEY Farmer did you know you had all of those light bulbs?)
After I had cleaned the cabinets, I lined them with this pretty nifty stuff that I found in another drawer, I put back the stuff that was sealed, and did not have an expiration date of 1994, or had moving critters in it.
Needless to say, I did not make cookies today. I did however make some corn muffins, which the Farmer calls “Corn Dodgers” don’t ask me why, he just does, and he loves them. (psst. I ate 2 of them, hope he doesn’t notice. hehehe)
Momma, was happy to sleep in, and when I finally got her up. She was a ball of fire. By then the Farmer was back from his travels, and he had a good time. It all came out good in my hood.
Me? I’m tired….So to you from me…Night y’all